Days of The Old
by Little Dandelion
Summary: After her mother's death, Payton was forced to live with her father. And she would have never guessed in a million years that it was M. Shadows. Featuring Avenged Sevenfold!
1. Info

Fourteen year old Payton's life was shattered like the windows of her mother's car, stray shards of it lying around everywhere, waiting for her to pick them up.  
She can't do it by herself. She needs help, but will she let her father, whom she's never met prior to her mother's death, help her?

Very short description, I know. I'll be writing this when I need a break from my original fiction. This is the first time I've ever tried my hand at fan fiction, and I honestly don't know how well it's going to turn out. I don't know how long it's going to be, I wouldn't call it a novel or a short story, maybe somewhere in between ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own Avenged Sevenfold, their girlfriends/wives, or any other famous person that may pop up in my story.

I own the plot line and any fictitious characters. I take plagiarism very seriously, so please do not steal my work. Also, please do not message me accusing me of copying your work. There are tons of these stories around, and they're all similar in at least a few ways.

Also, I wouldn't even think of writing this without The Rev in it. I mean him no disrespect in writing this and I hope no one has any problems with it.

To clear things up a bit on the guy's ages, I'll post them here so there isn't any more confusion.

M. Shadows - 28  
Zacky Vengeance - 28  
Synyster Gates - 28  
Johnny Christ - 25  
The Rev - 28

Once again, I mean Jimmy Sullivan no disrespect in writing this.

Characters:

Name: Payton Lee Wilson

Age: 14

Appearance: Naturally, her hair is a dark brown, but she's dyed it red since she was thirteen. She's very short, standing around 4'10". She doesn't really mind being that short, but she doesn't exactly love it either. Sharp jaw line, soft green eyes and long eyelashes. She's naturally pale and kind of scrawny, and she gets teased about it quite a bit at school. She has her lip pierced on the right side.

Payton will dress in anything as long as it isn't from any store with a hard-to-pronounce name, but she prefers skinny, ripped jeans, t-shirts, and hoodies. The more casual, the better.

Nicknames: Patey, P-Bear, other disguistingly cute nicknames that get on her nerves.

Orientation: Straight

Personality: Well, when she's around someone she knows, she acts tough and uncaring, but when she's around strangers and people she doesn't know very well, Payton can be very shy, quiet, and withdrawn. It takes a lot for her to trust someone, but once she does, you can always depend on her to always be there for you.

A short fuse, it doesn't take much to set Payton off. When she gets really angry, things tend to get broken and she always feels bad about it after. She's a daredevil and always looking to step things up a notch. She can also be very headstrong, and she has a 'slight' problem with authority.

She plays guitar and piano, but she won't believe anyone when they tell her she can sing.

Name: Tyler Rodney Sterling

Age: 16

Appearance: Dark brown hair, although you can't really tell because he always has a buzz cut. He's tall, around 5'11", and always makes sure to rub it in to Payton. Has an obsession with working out, and he is certainly getting the results. Hazel eyes.

Nicknames: Tina, Ty, Llama (Like the Llama from Napoleon Dynamite)

Orientation: Straight

Personality: A jock. Tyler loves to party, and if Payton's not around to stop him, he can land himself in quite a bit of trouble. He's cocky, arrogant, and hilarious. Basically, he's everyone's friend. He'll love you as long as you love him back. But if you're a guy, don't mess with Payton's heart. Tyler is pretty much a bodybuilder and has the overprotective big brother thing going on with Payton.

He loves any kind of sport, but also plays drums. He loves jamming with Payton on guitar.


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One

When the police showed up at the door, I knew. They weren't there because of some stupid prank my friend and I pulled. They were there because my mother was _dead. _

"_I'm very sorry to inform you, but your mother was in a fatal car accident."_

Those words echoed in my mind with each and every passing moment. Still, I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't let myself believe it. My mom was my best friend. She was all I had. How could I go on without her? I didn't know my father, and to be honest I didn't care to.

"We are gathered here to say farewell to Lauren Anne Wilson and to commit her into the hands of God."

If he wanted to know me, he would be there with me, helping me cope with her death. But he's not and I'm here all alone.

"_She died on impact."_

My best friend, Tyler, tried to comfort me. But it's not something you can understand until you have to go through it yourself. He was there for me, though, so that did manage to comfort me a little. He was all I had left.

"In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

I visibly shuddered and tried to contain my tears. Beside me, Tyler comfortingly squeezed my hand. I was never known to cry, I was supposed to be tough, and I knew it was tearing Tyler up to see me like this.

Forcing myself to zone out, I sat back in my seat and pulled on the hem of my dull black dress, just wanting to spring out of my seat and run all the way home. I couldn't deal with this.

"From dust you came, to dust you shall return. Jesus Christ, is the resurrection and the life." I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes, willing myself to wake up. I wanted all of this to be a dream. It was a horrible nightmare I couldn't wake myself up from.

A stray tear trickled down my cheek as I rested my head on Tyler's shoulder, I didn't bother to wipe it away.

I don't know how long I sat like that, trying my best to ignore my surroundings. It seemed impossible, the priest's subdued but powerful voice bounced off of very corner of the church. I couldn't bear to look at her coffin. It seemed that if I did, everything would actually be set in stone.

Her death would be, at least. My future was uncertain. I had nowhere to go. They were looking for my father, but I didn't know what I would do if I had to leave Tyler and move in with a complete stranger.

The rest of my mother's funeral was a blur at best. I did not shed anymore tears. Mom wouldn't want me to. Just like Tyler, she wouldn't want to see me in such a state.

Before this, I was such a happy, chipper person. Hell, just hours before the police were knocking on my door; Tyler and I were planning our night out, wondering how much trouble we could get ourselves into.

Such few words that probably didn't mean that much to the police had broken me. They reduced me to a lifeless, unfeeling heap. How would I ever get better from this? My mother was ripped away from me. I needed her and she was gone forever.


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

I exhaled slowly, staring up at my ceiling with glassy eyes. I just wanted to go back to sleep, I didn't want to deal with anyone or anything. I just wanted to sleep forever. To forget about everything. To dream happy dreams.

This was what it was like since she died. The funeral was just over a week ago, and I hadn't thought about it since I left the cemetery. The house was so empty and void without her, I only went out of my room to shower or get something to eat. I hadn't eaten in almost twenty four hours though, and I was really beginning to feel it.

She could always be found in the kitchen, cooking whatever she could think up. She was a chef, and nothing felt the same without the smell of her just-baked food that wafted its way in from under my door.

What would she say if she saw me now? She would tell my not to be sad, to carry on without her. I knew that, but I just didn't want to. It just seemed so hard. I'd never felt so alone in my life. I spent my days sleeping and my nights watching cheesy infomercials until the sun came up, which was usually when I felt I was able to go to sleep.

I thought about my mother's car down in our basement garage. Why had they brought it back here? To torment me even further? I wouldn't be able to bear looking at it. I should have told them to haul it off to the junk yard, but they said there were still some personal belongings that I could salvage.

A soft knock echoed through my room and my door creaked open, but I didn't acknowledge whoever was there. It could only be Tyler, since he and his parents were the only ones who knew I was here.

I was supposed to be living with him and his parents until they found my 'father'. Although they wanted me to stay over to their house, they considered me responsible enough to live here on my own for a couple of weeks if I wanted to.

"Hey, Patey," He said as he peaked his head into my room, using my nickname. "How'ya feelin'?"

His hazel eyes shone with concern and sympathy. I tore my eyes away from my ceiling and locked eyes with him, cracking a small, futile smile. I didn't reply though, since the state of my room was obvious to how I was feeling. Clothes were strewn everywhere and you couldn't see the floor anymore. All of it was the result of two weeks of complete pain and sorrow. I used to be such a neat freak; everything had to be in its rightful place. Now, I just didn't have the strength. I didn't care enough to clean the place up yet.

"Come out in the living room with me," He continued, "You need to meet someone."

I stiffened at his words and looked away, turning over so I was facing the wall and away from him. Who could he possibly want me to meet? Couldn't he see that I clearly wasn't up to meeting anyone? I wasn't even aware that he was here until he knocked on my bedroom door. "Go away, Tina," I said, calling him by his nickname. It was the first time since my mom that I used it, so I liked to think of it as progress, it didn't matter how miniscule it was. It was progress.

He ignored the coldness in my tone and finally came into my room, my mattress giving a small squeak as he sat on it.

Even though it was so vacant and empty now, I felt more attached to this house than ever. I felt his hand clasp around my shoulder comfortingly. "Your dad's here."

If it was possible, I stiffened even more. Tyler wasn't that much of an idiot; he wouldn't just bring some random person here for me to meet at a time like this. I quickly grew angry, why hadn't he given me a fair warning? I needed to mentally prepare myself for this. I had so many questions, but I had no idea how to word them. I was confused. Why hadn't he been there before? Why did he decide that he wanted to be in my life now? Why couldn't he just let me live with Tyler and his parents?

I snapped up into a sitting position on my bed, focusing my glare on Tyler. "_What?_"

That was all I could say. That and _why? _But I didn't think Tyler knew the answer. He took hold of my hand and gently tugged, trying to get me up and out of my room before I blew up. There were so many things I could and would throw at him in my room, whereas in somewhere like the hall, all I had were my fists.

"Tyler!" I whispered harshly, holding onto his hand in a panic-stricken grip. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?! Oh my _god!"_ If I couldn't calm myself down soon, I knew I would have a panic attack, and that wouldn't be good for anyone.

My reaction seemed to surprise him; I guess he had never really seen me scared like this before.

"Hey, come on," He said as he brought me into a warm hug, stroking my hair as he did so. We were _never_ this touchy-feely before, but I had to say, I needed it at that moment. I didn't know if I could do this with him by my side, let alone by myself. "I'll be there with you, it won't be so bad." I could hear a smile in his voice, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out why.

"Alright... alright." I mumbled and sighed as I pulled away, knowing this wasn't going to turn out well.

I anxiously rubbed the back of my neck as Tina and I got up and walked out of my room, my nerves building up even more. I felt like I was gonna be sick, like I could just flop onto the ground at any second, a cold chunk, leaving Tyler and my stranger of a father for at least a few minutes.

Fainting was actually beginning to sound appealing to me, at least then I wouldn't have to meet my 'father' for at least a few minutes. I stayed several paces behind Tyler, my head down as I followed him out to the living room. He abruptly stopped when he got to the archway, and I had to skid to stop myself from crashing into him.

He smiled slightly and stepped aside, gesturing for me to go ahead of him. I couldn't see my father yet, and I shook my head rapidly, pleading for him to go first. I groaned as he shook his head, once he gets something in his head, there isn't much reasoning with him.

I kept my eyes on the ground as Tyler gave me a light push, sending me plummeting into plain view of my father.

Figuring I couldn't stare at the floor forever, I quickly glanced up, and then quickly averted my gaze back to my zebra-striped socks. My eyes widened at what I saw, and I found myself sneaking another peak, trying to tell myself that my eyes were just playing tricks on me.

No, he was there, in the flesh. _M. Fucking Shadows_ was in _my_ living room, standing in front of my sofa, the moonlight shining in from the window casting a shadow of his figure across the living room. "Hey, I'm Matt." He smiled apprehensively, trying to gauge my reaction.

I concealed my shock. He couldn't honestly want me to think that _he_ was my father? The idea was so outlandish, that I couldn't even look at him and I whipped around to glare at Tyler, who was still smiling.

"You think this is funny?" I asked harshly and he quickly dropped his smile. Anger coursed though me, and I found myself needing to take it out on someone or something.

I was angry about how unclean my room was. I was angry with Tyler for not telling me before _Matt_ came. I was angry with the drunken old bat who hit my mother's car. I was angry with my father for not being with me for the first fourteen years of my life. I was angry at _everything._ Everything that could possibly go wrong, did.

"Payton," Tyler started cautiously, seeing the look in my eyes. "Calm down..."

His voice set me off, and before I knew what I was doing, I was barrelling down the stairs and into the basement. I couldn't stop myself from picking up the baseball bat and fixing my glare on my mother's cobalt blue PT Cruiser.

The front of it was totalled. The unidentifiable metal was crumpled in a disturbing way, and what was left of the headlights were each hanging by a single wire on each side of the car. The twisted front axle peaked out from the scrunched up metal.

The windshield didn't have as much damage; a single, huge crack ran diagonally to each side. That was what I went for first. I don't remember seeing much, just that I raised the bat over my head and swung as hard as I could, and the sickening sound of glass shattering everywhere.

Before I could do anything else, I was grabbed around the waist and the bat was taken from me. I struggled all I could, all of my pent up rage focused on that one car. I wanted, _needed_ to destroy what was left of it.

It was a piece of shit. I remember fondly calling it 'The PT Loser' whenever I had to ride in it. I told my mom to get the brakes fixed. Maybe if I reminded her of it, she would have been able to stop and she would still be here.

Was it really my fault? Was she dead because I didn't tell her about it as much as I should have? She forgot things so easily, and it was basically my job to keep her on track with the things she had to do.

It _was_ my fault. I gradually stopped fighting against whoever was holding me back, and tears slowly began to make their way out of my soft green eyes. I blindly turned around and hid my face in the person's chest. I didn't know if it was Matt or Tyler, and I didn't really care. I just need someone to comfort me.

Arms wrapped around me in a tight hug as I sobbed into their chest, and after a moment I was lifted off of my feet and they cradled me in their arms.

I don't know how long I was there, bawling my eyes out, but the only thing running through my head before I fell asleep was that everything was _my_ fault.


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Talking the in the kitchen woke me up the next morning, and as much as I didn't want to, I forced myself out of bed and stumbled out to groggily greet Tyler and otherwise ignore Matt.

It was a little more than obvious they were talking to me, because as soon as they heard my bedroom door open their quiet chatter halted to a stop. As I said, I ignored Matt and muttered a "Morning." to Tyler as I sat down at the island and rested my head on the cool countertop, wanting to wake up. This was probably going to be one of, or even my last day with Tyler, and I had to make it count.

A plate of pancakes and a glass of apple juice was set in front of me, and I remembered just how hungry I was. I smiled at Matt as a thanks, but didn't say anything to him before digging in. Not that I normally would, but I was just way too hungry to be in the mood for small talk.

"Morning, Payton," Matt said. I glanced up at him before going back to my pancakes. He was genuinely smiling, and I _almost_ felt bad for not returning it. Tyler nudged me, but I ignored him. I couldn't see why he would want me to be nice to Matt.

"We're leaving tomorrow," Matt said from across from me, confirming my earlier suspicions. "Pack whatever you can, and I'll get the rest freighted out."

Still, I refused to acknowledge him; instead I grabbed Tyler by his arm and hauled him off his stool with me. "C'mon, Ty," I sighed heavily as we padded down the hall, "Come help me pack."

My closed door seemed to feel like a barrier for me, it separated me from Matt and I felt like I could now talk freely with Tyler. I anxiously ran a hand down my face, recalling last night's events. "Please tell me that it was you I was clinging to like an idiot last night."

That was the first time I _really_ let myself cry, I let it all out last night. Or as much as I could at once. I hated feeling vulnerable and weak and before then, I only shed a few miniscule tears. I felt like I was letting my mom down when I let it all loose like that, she couldn't stand to see me cry.

When Tyler didn't say anything, I glanced up and him smiling sadly as he shook his head. I groaned, completely mortified that I was acting like that around Matt. "Don't worry about it, P. It's what you're supposed to do."

I rolled my eyes as I began picking up my clothes and neatly folding them before laying them on my bed, promising myself that I wasn't gonna break down anytime soon. I was going to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. It wasn't like Matt would understand, anyway. He was just a stranger to me, and vice versa.

I decided then that I wasn't going to be sad, I would try to act as normal as possible. When I was around Tyler, at least. Once I leave, I would be so shy around Matt and his friends; I wouldn't get a chance to be miserable around them. I pushed the thoughts of my mother and how I messed up to the back of my mind, focusing on cleaning my room up and packing all the crap that mattered to me.

Thinking about stuff that meant something to me, I glanced at the corner where my custom white Les Paul usually sat on its stand. "I left my guitar at your house." I stated softly, wondering when I was going to be able to go over and pick it up.

"That's nothing. You dad is coming over later to meet my parents, they won't let you leave until they meet him," He said with a touch of humour in his tone, but I shuttered at what he called Matt. Hardly a dad if he was never around. I knew who he was. In fact, I quite like his band, but it didn't change the fact that he missed out on my childhood. Tyler began helping me fold my clothes. "You can get it then. Maybe we could even jam, one last time before you leave."

Realization came over me as I attempted to grasp the concept of not being able to jam with Tyler anymore. It wasn't anything elaborate; we didn't have a band name or anything. We usually just covered our favourite songs. I was on guitar, and he played the drums. Sometimes I even sang, but it was rare. I didn't like my singing voice. I held my tears back as I looked up at him and nodded solemnly. "Okay."

An anxious silence filled the room as we concentrated on cleaning and packing, and within an hour, almost all of my clothes were all neatly folded on my bed and half of my posters were taken down and in a neat pile on the floor. "Patey, can you promise me something?" Tyler asked, and when I glanced up to meet his eyes, seriousness filled them. I nodded without a second thought, he was my best friend. I would do anything for him, and keeping a simple promise was the least I could do before I left.

"Promise me you'll give Matt a chance. He's a good guy P, you know that." I snorted and rolled my eyes in response. Of course he would want me to do something that was next to impossible to accomplish. "You're just like him." He added, grinning as he tried to lighten the mood.

"Whatever, Tina," I huffed and ignored his last statement as I threw one of my old stuffed bears across my room. "I'll try, I guess." What was I getting myself into? I barely even acknowledged Matt yet, how could Tyler expect me to get along with him?

Tyler stopped what he was doing and gently took my chin, forcing me to look at him. His hazel eyes held a determined glint, and I knew he wouldn't let up until I gave him a sincere apology, one that I meant and one\ I would keep. "P..." He started when I refused to look him straight in the eye.

I rolled my eyes yet again, before finally meeting his gaze. "Yes, Tyler. I promise I'll try to give him a chance." I quipped, hoping he wouldn't notice how I snuck in the 'try' part. He looked at me pointedly, refusing to release my chin. "I'll give him a chance," I continued in an exasperated tone, pulling away from him to stare at my room.

He gave me a side hug and left an arm around my waist as he took what was left of my room in too. Thanks to some of the many band posters that had been taken down, you could see some of the black and red walls, and the many drawings and writing Tyler and I scrawled across the walls when we were younger. Conversations, insults, funny pictures, anything Tyler and I could think of was written on these walls.

I couldn't believe I was leaving it all. Just like that. I never thought it was possible for so much change to happen in such a short span of time. A snap of the fingers and it was gone. "Thanks." Tyler grinned down at me.

"Huh?" I asked, coming out of my daze. I didn't know if I missed something said or not.

He smiled sympathetically, his arm tightening around my waist. "I said thanks, for promising."

"Oh, hmm... yeah." I mumbled, going back to looking around. Could I handle this? Could I handle the after affects of all the things that went wrong? I'd made myself numb. I refused to let myself feel, last night was just a small mishap, and I vowed it would never happen again, at least not when I'm around anyone.

"You wanna go to my house now? Get it over with?" He asked, retracting his arm from around my waist as he started for the door.

I sighed. "Yeah, I guess. If I have to." I didn't feel like talking, but I decided to answer him so he wouldn't ask me how I was doing with everything. That was the most dreaded question, when asked that question I had a lot of trouble holding myself together. Even if it was just a 'Hi, how are you?' I would feel tears prick at the corners of my eyes. My mom was the only person I could ever _really_ talk to; share my emotions and thoughts with.

Sarcastically, I mentally counted to three in my head as Tyler opened the door. I was expecting the worst. Matt would be standing outside my door, waiting for us to open it so he could try and 'get to know me'. That was even worse than The Dreaded Question.

If he wanted to get to know me, he could look at my health records. My report cards. That was enough; I didn't want him to know me any further than that. He didn't need to. I decided then that as soon as I turned eighteen, I was coming back home with Tyler.

Matt wasn't there, at least not in the hallway. When we got the living room, it looked like he was doing something with the luggage he'd taken with him. I couldn't care less and ignored him as he turned around and smiled at Tyler and I. "All packed?" He asked softly, practically staring me down.

Tyler noticed I wouldn't even look at him, let alone answer, and quickly replied so Matt wouldn't think too much of it. "Almost, just a few more things and everything will be ready."

This is and always will be my home; I honestly don't know if I could consider anything else even close to that. The east coast of Canada was where I wanted to be until the day I died, and I knew that was the case with Tyler too.

"That's good..." Matt coughed after a few moments of awkward silence. Tyler quickly picked up on the conversation.

"My parents want to meet you before Payton leaves," He started, and I could hear a sad smile in his tone. "You wanna head over there now?"

"Yeah?" Matt grinned and glanced at the front door that was just around the corner from the living room. "Alright, let's go over now then."

So many things can change, though. The past two weeks were proof of that. What if Tyler moves on, makes new friends? He already had tons, but they were 'popular' like he was, I was just his tag along that all the girls were jealous of. They thought we were a 'thing'. They were one of the many reasons I always got in fights at school.

But what if Tyler let them get to him? We always went to parties on the weekends, and if I wasn't there to stop him from taking the drugs that were almost always offered to him, I was sure he would be a junkie by now. He trusted people too easily. He thought no one ever meant any kind of harm. He and I were polar opposites in that case, it takes me months, even years to completely trust someone.

After we piled into Matt's rental car, I didn't utter a word as we started the ten minute drive to Tyler's house. I noticed Matt would glance at me through the rear view mirror ever few moments or so, but I otherwise ignored it. Tyler nudged me with his elbow, wanting me to make small talk. Once again, I rolled my eyes and ignored him, willing to endure the awkward silence.

I practically nose-dived out of the car, ready to get as far from as Matt as I could. I wanted as little interaction as with him as possible.

Was I judging him too soon? Maybe... maybe Tyler was right. I could give him a chance. But what if everything turns out to be even worse than I was expecting? Hell, I didn't even know what I was expecting myself.

I pushed all my thoughts the back of my head as I stared up at Tyler's house, probably for the last time. I lived out in the middle of nowhere with heaps of land around my house, but Tyler lived in the suburbs. His house was the classic two-story, two car garage. The same as every other house on that particular block. But I had so many memories here. Pranking his snobby neighbours every Halloween, building the crappy tree house in his back yard, hiding out in his basement when we were in trouble with our parents.

The sleepovers, too. There were too many to count, we usually stayed at his house, then my house the next weekend, and then back to his house the weekend after that. The never-ending cycle that we never got bored of.

I jumped when the front door swung open, revealing Tyler's parents. Melissa and Derek stood there, grinning widely at Matt. I didn't understand why they were so happy to see him, but I went along with it and cracked a feeble smile myself for their sake.

After all, they were practically my parents, too. Whenever Tyler and I got in trouble, my mom would often conference call them and discuss our punishment. They were cool, though. They let us practically trash the house every weekend, and didn't mind of blaring instruments whenever Tyler and I had a jam session.

Matt grinned back at them, looking relieved to finally find some friendly faces. "You must be Matt," Melissa started excitedly. "It's so great to finally meet Payton's dad!" Once Matt was up the steps, Melissa had all but thrown herself at him for a hug. I snorted, sarcastically muttering something about how mature they were.

Derek on the other hand, while he was smiling, he only shook Matt's hand tensely, his eyes boring into Matt's. I smiled, if there was anyone would ever take my side, it would be Derek. If I had to name someone in my life who came even remotely close to being a father-figure for me, it would be him. He looked exactly like Tyler, same facial structure, dark hair, hazel eyes, the same burly build. Tyler was quickly catching up to his dad's height too, standing at around 5'11, while Derek was around 6'3.

I was surrounded by giants. His mom was tall, too, I was guessing at least around 5'8, if not more. I always felt so meagre around them with my 4'10 height.

Melissa turned around, and her grin turned into a small, sympathetic smile. "Come on in, Payton. You have to be freezing."

She was right. It was the end of December and at least minus 10 degrees Celsius, while I stood in the middle of the snow-coated lawn in nothing more than a fall jacket.

I didn't mind, though. I would gladly take standing out in the cold than having to sit next to Matt as he talked to Derek and Melissa. Of course they would want to see that he and I were getting along, when in reality I haven't even spoken a word to him yet. I had a feeling that this wasn't going to go over well, at all.

"Come on P, after your dad leaves we can jam." Tyler said, tugging on my arm. I gulped and begrudgingly followed him into the house, expecting the worst.


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Just as I had suspected, once everyone in the living room was seated, the only other one available was next to Matt on the loveseat in front of the window. _Marvellous_. I begrudgingly sat down on the edge and crossed my arms in front of my chest, wanting to be as far away from him as possible.

Melissa either didn't notice my hostility or just didn't care, as she got right into conversation with Matt. Derek was silent beside her, listening to their conversation instead of participating in it. "So, Matt! It's so awesome to finally meet you!" She said cheerfully, waiting for him to form a reply.

"Yes, this was pretty sudden, but I'm happy to have Payton come live with me, even if it's under these circumstances." He said, clearly choosing his words carefully as he glanced at me once or twice.

"So, where are you from? I'm really hoping that Payton and Tyler can keep in contact, they've been practically joined at the hip since they were small." Melissa continued, not missing a beat as she looked from Matt to me, her eyes softening slightly once they landed on me.

I looked away to my plain white socks, not liking how... _happy_ she was acting. Did she really get over it that fast? She was my mother's best friend, yet she was acting as if her death hadn't affected her in the slightest. Or was I slow? I couldn't have been exaggerated my grief. The pain I felt of losing someone so close to me plagued me every day. In a way, I was sort of jealous that Melissa could act like she was in such great spirits.

I wish I could do that, instead of leaning on the edge of the sofa and practically ignoring everyone. Everyone had different ways of grieving, I suppose. But this didn't feel like a process, I knew there would be a hole in my heart where I used to hold my mother so dearly forever. I knew I would never completely get over this, I didn't even know if I could cope right now.

Right then, I felt like breaking down and letting all of my emotions out like last night. But I just didn't want anyone there to witness it. It would only make me feel worse. So, of course I remained stoic, pretending not to listen to the adult's conversation.

"I live in California," Matt said, stealing yet another glance at me. I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with him, or better yet, what he thought was wrong with me. "Huntington Beach, more specifically. Don't worry though, I'll make sure Payton has every opportunity to talk to Tyler on a regular basis, and he can visit any time he wants," He continued, but I chose to tune out the rest.

He wasn't talking about anything I didn't already know about, anyway. I was a fan of the music he made, and I had done several school projects on his band in the past. I knew more than enough about him, and I was regretting researching so much for the stupid projects.

Tyler was staring over at me in concern from his place next to his mother; his eyes were telling me to lean back and relax, _to give Matt a chance._ I had promised that, hadn't I?

I slowly shifted so my back was resting against the loveseat, now sitting normally, but still keeping a distance from Matt. Tyler smiled in encouragement, and I rolled my eyes in response. This was as good as it was going to get. The whole 'giving Matt a chance' thing was going to be even harder than I originally thought it would be.

After what seemed like hours, Derek decided to speak up and smiled at me. "Hey, Mel? I think the kids are bored. How 'bout we let them go on downstairs?"

Melissa nodded and glanced from Tyler to me. I had no idea what was just said, but Derek was staring at Matt with an intensity I'd never seen in his eyes before, he looked anxious and almost as if he were ready to pounce at any given moment.

Quickly, I shot up from the loveseat as if it had burned me and looked at Tyler, nodding my head toward the stairs that led to his basement.

I walked ahead of Tyler, just wanting to get down there as quickly as possible. This, of course, ended with me tripping on the second last step and landing flat on my face with a dull _thud_ as my face connected with the carpeted cement floor.

Tyler stared at me, shock and concern shrouding his pronounced features. "Are you okay?" He asked frantically, dropping to his knees and gathering me up in his arms.

"I'm fine," I grumbled and hauled myself up and out of his arms and wobbling as I tried to catch my balance. "Fucking step, gets me every time."

"Is everything okay?" I heard a deep concerned voice at the top of the stairs. I didn't have to glance up to figure out it was Matt; I could pick his voice out in a throng of screaming fan girls. "Sounded like someone fell."

_Stop asking that fucking question._ If it wasn't eating at me before, it certainly was then. One more time was all that was needed, it seemed, and there would be an instant repeat of last night. "I'm fine." I repeated while anxiously running a hand through my deep red hair. _Other than, you know, feeling like I was just in a head on collision with a semi. _

"You sure?" He pressed, and I jumped and stumbled back a few steps when he appeared on the second last step of the stairway, ironically the one I tripped on.

I began to panic. Matt _could not_ see the Tina's basement, under any circumstances whatsoever. He could not find out that I played guitar and sometimes sung in a little jam band with Tyler. I almost gagged at the thought of how he would react, _his fucking little prodigy._

So – I did the only thing that seemed rational at that moment. I slammed the basement door in his face, muttering obscenities as I stalked over to collapse on Tyler's ratty old sofa. Okay, yes. It was rude, and I have to admit, I did feel a little bad about it. But desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

Tyler stared over at me in bewilderment while we listened for Matt's slow, obviously shocked footsteps as he climbed back up the stairs. _"Payton!"_ He burst out abruptly, his eyes now holding frustration. "He was only seeing if you were okay!"

"Oh, psh, whatever Tina. Just shut up about it, would you?" I sighed and turned over so I wasn't facing him and began picking at a loose button on the sofa, only hanging by a thread.

"What happened to giving him a chance?" He asked incredulously, I heard his fast footsteps until the sofa cushion next to my feet depressed, indicating Tyler had sat down.

"I will..." I started hesitantly, not wanting to tell him the truth. "Just, not about this." I lifted a hand and pointed behind my back, and gesturing around the room where all of our instruments and equipment were set up.

What happened next, I was not expecting. Tyler had me pulled up and into a tight hug, his long, built arms tight around my waist. As much as I appreciated it, I didn't want to hug right then. It would just make me want to burst out crying even more. "P, take all the time you need, but Matt is here, and he _wants_ to be your dad. I know you're mad – at everything, but you can't keep pushing him away like this."

"I know, I know, Ty. But it's all so hard; it's been so much of a shock for me." I mumbled against his shoulder, hoping that my answer would suffice. "I mean, who would have guess, you know? M. Fucking Shadows is my _father._" To tell you the truth, I still hadn't completely accepted that fact. It was just... way too unreal.

Grinning, Tyler pulled back to look at me. "I told you, you look just like him." As much as I didn't want to admit it, I knew he was right. I had Matt's green eyes, my natural hair color was a dark brown – just like his, and we had almost the exact same lips. Tyler had teased me about it through the years, and I bet he was just _gloating_ about being right about something that was just... insane.

I didn't reply, hell, I didn't even think Tyler was expecting a reply as he pulled away from our hug and grabbed the TV remote. "What d'ya wanna watch?" He asked, now trying to keep conversation light.

"Mmph... whatever's on." I said and leaned back on the sofa. I so desperately wanted to get my hands on my beloved guitar, but there was no way in hell I would be touching it while Matt was upstairs. I began to wonder how I would be able to find time to play when I was actually living with him. I couldn't bear the thought of not playing at all, music was a major part of my life, without it, I honestly didn't know where I would be today. Especially _right now._ It was the only thing that was keeping me sane.

Then, as if on cue, I heard a pair of footsteps come back down the stairs, and I hopped to my feet, rushing to get to the door before Matt could open it. Stupidly, I leaned my ear against the door right as a loud knocked sounded, reverberating through my entire skull. I groaned and pulled back before saying, "Who's there?"

"Matt." He answered through the door, waiting for me to open it. I looked to Tyler for help, who merely shrugged and looked back at the TV. I sighed in frustration and hesitantly pulled the door open, just enough so I could see his face. I didn't say anything, waiting for him to elaborate on why he was bothering us again.

He held up his car keys and jangled them in response, his lips set in a tight smile. "I'm heading out now..." He stated, but it sounded more like a question. He was asking if I was going with him.

"Uh... I'm gonna stay here with Tyler for a bit." I replied and as much as I didn't want to, locked eyes with him. I didn't want them wandering beyond me, because I could clearly remember an Orange half stack was placed almost directly behind me. I also didn't like how much I was conversing with him; I liked it more when I was simply ignoring him.

He smiled, almost in disappointment before replying. "Okay, well, just phone the house or my phone if you want a ride, sound good?" I nodded and waved, knowing full well that I wouldn't call him if I was stuck outside in the middle of a snowstorm.

Just like that, he turned around and mumbled a "C'ya later." as he ascended the stairs. Once he was at the top, I shut the door and around so my back was resting against it.

"That sucked so much ass." I said, resting my head in my hands as Tyler snickered. Finally, after Melissa and Derek said goodbye to Matt, we heard his SUV pull away. My head immediately snapped toward my guitar case, and I didn't even remember walking over to it and taking it out of its case. Just holding it in my hands, I felt better already. I looked toward Tyler expectantly, but he was already behind his drum set, sticks at the ready.

"Fine, whatever. I'll set everything up myself." I sighed and after about fifteen minutes of fiddling with all of our equipment to get it just right, I sat back down on my stool, looking back at Tyler once again.

"You're not gonna sing?" He pouted, seeming genuinely disappointed.

I paused for a moment, contemplating on whether or not I was up to singing. This would be the last time we would play together for quite some time. I might as well make it count, right?

With my mind made up, I stood in front of the microphone, displaying much more confidence than what I felt. I had no idea why, but I was always embarrassed about my voice. I would only sing around Tyler and my mom, no one else. I couldn't imagine doing it in front of a huge crowd like my 'father' does.

Tyler hollered in encouragement, and I nervously waved him off, hating the fact that he loved drawing attention to me. "So what do you wanna play first? How 'bout an A7X song?" I could hear the smirk in his voice, but when I looked back to glare at him, I saw that he was dead serious.

"Tina! You're lucky I'm singing. You're really pushing it--" I paused as he gave me his best puppy-dog face, his eyes slightly glassy and his bottom lip jutted out just a little, quivering ever so slightly.

"Ugh, you know what? Fine, asshole. I'll do a stupid A7X song. God." I huffed and stomped on an assortment of distortion pedals and strumming my guitar every so often, doing my best to mimic the sound of Syn Gates'.

"So, which one are we doing?" He carefully asked after a few moments, not wanting me to get fed up with the idea and just throw it out the window.

"'Burn it Down'." I replied, looking up at him. I needed something with a kickass solo and powerful lyrics, but it had to be fun for Tyler too. "You don't have to do the backup vocals, either." We'd just skip them entirely, as I really wasn't in the mood to haul his microphone from the closet and set it up.

"Awesome," He said, completely psyched that I even agreed to doing an A7X song. "Alright, ready in one, two, three?" I nodded and turned to face my microphone, my fingers lovingly skimming over the fret board of my Les Paul. "One" He started, clicking his drumsticks together. "Two, three!"

His double bass pulsed through the room, thudding against my heart, but I focused on playing my guitar. And moments later, remembering the lyrics.

"Jealousy's an ugly word, but you don't seem to care  
Converse behind my back, but now I'm here  
Need no one to comply with me though everyone that I defeat  
Don't need you, fuck camaraderie, this rage will never go away"

The words flowed out easily, and I found myself getting into the lyrics, shredding the amazing guitar riffs, and admiring Tyler's playing. I didn't know how he'd gotten so good to play something that The Rev had composed, but I was thoroughly impressed, as I always was.

As I got more into the song, my voice got strong and soon I was belting out the chorus. I couldn't believe how much I was enjoying singing. It was as if I was letting all of my emotions out, almost better than how I'd felt after crying.

It seemed like only a few moments, and I was getting ready to sing the last bit of the song. I wanted to make this count, so I focused more on my singing and less on my guitar. Which ended up making me mess up once or twice, but it didn't matter to me.

"I can't trust anyone  
Now I can understand  
It's sorrow that feeds your lies

Falling away  
Can't buy back time  
Burn it down anyway"

I let my voice ring out before turning around to grin at Tyler. If felt great to smile and actually mean it. How was I going to do that without Tyler around? Just being around my best friend made me feel better, but without jamming with him every day I didn't know how I was going to handle living with Matt.

Tyler was staring at me wide-eyed, his drum sticks gripped loosely in one hand. He abruptly got up and made his way over to me, staring me straight in the eye. "Here, I wanna try something." He said as he took my guitar from me and hauling the strap over his head. I looked at him strangely. "You're just gonna sing on the next one, and I'm gonna... try," He chuckled lightly. "To play guitar." He tossed his drumsticks on the sofa, and I was glaring up at him, not liking this at all.

My hands began to get clammy just thinking about not playing my guitar, doing nothing but sing. At least while I was playing my guitar I felt like it was a distraction from my singing, if I began to get embarrassed by it I could just focus on my guitar.

Nonetheless, I nodded. I was willing to give it a shot, I trusted Tyler enough not to laugh at my singing. "You think you could handle 'Heads or Tail? Real or Not' by Emarosa?" I asked hesitantly, keeping my eyes on my feet. Tyler was actually not a bad guitarist; he didn't give himself enough credit. I knew he could handle that particular song and then some.

He nodded happily, and after a few moments, began the playing the intro. I rushed to get back to my place in front of the microphone, not expecting him to start playing so suddenly.

"You loved it when my heart dropped, you paused, stopped, and walked away  
Full of content that it went your way

These cuts that I've caused are never too deep to heal  
Peel back the bandage, see a scar from countless careless things"

I adored the Jonny Craig's voice, and if I had to compare any voices to my own, it would be his. Mine was strikingly similar, just a little more feminine, of course.

After a few verses, I looked back at Tyler, who glanced up and smiled at me in encouragement before he went back to playing.

"Well nothing feels real anymore  
I'm not taking my time anymore  
To show you how I feel  
To show you who I am  
Cause it's locked away"

There were only was only the chorus and one verse left now, and I felt disappointed that it was over so fast. I wanted to sing forever. I felt free of all the guilt, loss and sadness.

"Now head towards the light, the dark has no place here  
Now head towards the light"

I ended softly, holding the microphones between my hands while it was still on its stand. I jumped when someone grabbed me from behind and turned me around into a tight hug. "Patey, that was—that was... amazing." Tyler breathed, squeezing me tighter. I smiled and gratefully returned the hug, feeling my cheeks burn in embarrassment.

Without another word, Tyler handed my guitar back to me and plopped back onto his drum throne, twirling another pair of drumsticks through his fingers. He had them laying all over his house and mine, so I wasn't surprised that he abandoned his old ones on the couch.

We played for hours, me playing guitar and singing the whole time. I didn't know if I could ever _not_ sing again. It was as if I'd grown to need it after my mom's... accident. It was just one more little comfort, one more little way for me to let all of my emotions out.

By the time we called it a night, it was just that. Pitch black, I was guessing it was at least nine or ten PM. "You gonna phone your dad?" Tyler asked as he passed me a bottle of water from the fridge upstairs, my throat was a little raw from all of the singing.

"No," I mumbled, realizing I couldn't stay at his house forever. That I was _leaving_ tomorrow. Nothing would be the same. I wouldn't be able to walk to Tina's house and just chill with him for a few hours, because we were going to be thousands of miles away from each other. "I'm gonna walk." I said before I took a gulp of water.

He nodded, not objecting to my plans. "I'll walk you home." I'd already put my guitar back in its case, it was now resting against a wall next to the door.

We both remained silent as hauled our coats on and began the trek to my house, knowing we would soon have to say goodbye. I tried to carry the guitar myself, but Tyler insisted they he'd take it, like always. There were so many things I wanted to say, so many feelings I wanted to share with him. He was my best friend; I desperately needed to tell him that I would somehow be okay, even if I myself didn't even believe it. I didn't want him worrying about me.

The thirty minute walk to my house seemed to pass in a split second, and I was wishing the night would have lasted longer. Things were going too quickly, I wasn't ready to say goodbye to my best friend.

But as we hugged in front on my front porch one last time, it was as if the words were caught in my throat. "Call me every day," He said, as he pulled me closer to him. "And you better be on MSN like, all the time. Okay?"

All I could do was numbly nod, and then he pulled away, gazing at me with watery eyes as he wiped a stray tear from my cheek. "Be careful, and don't forget your promise." He waited for me to nod before continuing. He took a few steps back and it looked as if he was bracing himself for what he was about to say. "I guess I'll see you later, then."

We both knew that 'later' would be quite some time away. I sucked in a deep breath. "Bye."

He smiled at me weakly before turning around and heading back down the road. I watched his retreated figure in the darkness until there was no sign of him anymore. I was freezing. I wanted to go inside, yet I didn't. I didn't want to face Matt. It was his fault I had to leave Tyler here. If he hadn't wanted to take me in, Derek and Melissa would have gladly adopted me, without a second thought.

"Hey." Matt said as he got up from his place on the sofa, smiling as he looked at the guitar case I was holding.

I wanted to ignore him so badly, but now that I was without Tyler and alone, I felt my bravery quickly depleting. ".. Hi." I muttered flatly, just wanting to get around him and to safety of my room. I quickly maneuvered around him, not wanting it to turn into a conversation.

Much to my delight, he didn't call me back and I was free to scamper into my room. I laid my guitar case on my bed and stood up straight, my head in my hands. Did I really just say a mediocre 'bye' to my best friend?

Tears freely streamed down my cheeks as I thought about how much I had just fucked up. I felt like I had let him down so much. I attempted to keep in a sob, but I failed and it came out loud and strangled. I stopped dead, hoping that Matt hadn't heard it. But then, _of course_, his fast footsteps could be heard coming down the hall.

Hurriedly going to my mirror, I wiped off all of my tears and tried my best to look presentable. The last thing I wanted Matt to know was that I was crying. Just as I had predicted, he knocked on my door.

"Yeah?" I said, hoping I didn't sound like I was crying. _Just go away; just go away for just a little while until I clean myself up._

"Payton?" He called hesitantly, but his voice came out strikingly loud through the door. "You okay? Can I come in?"

It wasn't like I could just not let him in. Although hesitant, I could tell he was determined, and I knew he was getting into my room no matter what.

I angrily swiped at my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt, took a deep breath, and stood in front of the door, my hand cautiously hovering over the doorknob. I knew he would easily be able to tell I'd been crying, I was just hoping he wouldn't acknowledge it.


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Like earlier today when Tyler opened my door, I counted down from three before twisting the knob, praying that Matt wouldn't notice my tear-stained face. When he saw me, his face softened slightly and I quickly moved to the side, not wanting him to look at my face for too long.

He saw it as an invitation into my room and stepped in; looking both unsure and determined at the same time as he softly closed my door behind him. I glanced everywhere but at him, just wanting to sink into the floor and disappear forever. "Are you okay?"

That was such a silly, stupid question. It was hardly something to ask someone whose parent just died. Especially when you're asking me, as I have a problem with answering it under normal circumstances, let alone now. Even so, I quickly nodded; hoping that it would suffice and he would leave my room.

It was as if that simple gesture shook something up in me, and a crack formed in my otherwise detached exterior, and an involuntary tear slowly made its way down my cheek. Matt stepped forward and held his arms out for a hug, but I quickly took a few paces back, shying away from his hug. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him frown so I quickly try to cover it up, making out I really just moved to sit on my bed.

Obviously, he saw straight through it but didn't say anything. My hopes of him leaving were crushed when he sat down next to me, a little too close for me to be comfortable. Well, if I had it my way, I wouldn't even be in the same room as him, so I really wasn't one to judge on how close was _too_ close.

He paused for what seemed like hours as he glanced around my room, and I held my breath as I anticipated what he was about to say. "Do you play?" He asked, gesturing toward my guitar case, which conveniently was just beside him on the bed.

His question caught me off guard, and I found myself stumbling over my words as I tried to form a coherent answer. I couldn't say that my guitar was just an ornament or something, plus he saw me bring it in. "Uh—no, well yeah, a little, I guess…" I mumbled, folding my hands on my lap.

"What kind of songs do you know?" Was he serious? He was actually trying to make _conversation _with me.

However, I found that better than him asking me if I was 'okay', so I went along with it, although I was lying through my teeth. "I know a few random riffs, but that's pretty much it."

Nodding, he looked around my room yet again, trying to find another topic of conversation. What he found was right in front of him, and my eyes widened at what he reached for. _My stack of posters._ Which, I was pretty sure; there were quite a few of his band in it. Nothing could stop him as he leaned forward and began leafing through them, a wide smile now spread across his face.

_Perfect._ So now he knows I like his band. "You have great music taste." He stated after he had looked through the entire pile.

Through my embarrassment, I managed to yammer out a "Thanks." and go back to picking at my almost non-existent black nail polish. It was chipped to the point where you could barely even see it anymore; I was just chipping off what was left of it.

I stiffened considerably when Matt turned, angling himself so he was facing me and not looking straight ahead like before. "Payton," He started, uncertainty clear in his voice. "I know things are… hard right now, and I really have no idea what to say, but if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. You know that right?"

I nodded, but when he didn't say anything for a moment, I figured he wanted me to say it out loud. It didn't matter if I didn't believe him, at least to me it didn't. "Yeah, I know."

"I mean, I don't want to push you into talking to me just yet, but I just want you to know that if you ever need to, you can come to me. Doesn't matter if it's four AM, I'll always be willing to listen. Okay?"

Once again, I nodded and let an "Mm'hmm." escape my lips, finally looking up to meet his gaze. They were filled with concern and sympathy. I smiled weakly at him, not having the heart to look away, and also remembering the promise I made to Tyler.

Even though I wouldn't be calling him 'daddy' any time soon, I had been civil and had a decent conversation with him, so I guess I could consider it progress.

He smiled back and stood, towering over me as he gave my shoulder a squeeze. "You need any help with the rest of the packing?" I shook my head and he glanced toward my alarm clock that was situated on my nightstand. "Well, when you're finished try to get some sleep alright, kiddo? We're leaving at six."

Reflexively, I let out a groan and leaned back on my bed, hating the thought of getting up so early. Matt laughed at my response, and I quickly sat back up, I had forgotten who I was with. The smile never left his face as he gave my shoulder another squeeze; I guess he thought of it as a consolation prize to hugging, and went for the door. "Night," He said glancing back at me and waiting for me to reply with the same before softly shutting the door behind him.

Once he was out of ear shot, I let out a sigh and collapsed back onto my bed as I had before, thinking about what had just happened. I didn't even _know_ what happened. Had I given him a chance? That _seemed_ like what it was, but it really didn't take as much work as I thought it would. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

After resting a few moments, I got up and got to work, not wanting to mull over what had just happened too much. I took a moment to glance at the clock; it was inching toward eleven thirty, leaving me a bit of time to pack. Besides, as tired as I was, I doubted I would get any sleep tonight anyway.

I _loathed_ flying, mostly due to my fear of heights. Plus, we were flying over more miles and time zones than I even wanted to think about. The pit of nervousness in my stomach was growing by the minute, so I got right into pack the rest of my belongings.

When I began sifting through everything and putting them into piles of what I needed with me, and stuff that I could leave to be freighted to Matt's house, I couldn't get my mind off of Tyler. Especially when I finished packing my clothes and began talking the remained of my posters down. Conversations from years ago filled my head as my eyes scanned over my now almost bare room. I wanted to memorize every part of it, I never wanted to forget all of the fun, and sometimes insane, times we had in it.

Could I really just leave it like that? I wouldn't consider a simple 'bye' sufficient even for someone I hardly knew, let alone _Tyler._ I considered him my brother. As Melissa said, we were practically joined at the hip.

_No,_ I couldn't just leave it like that. I wouldn't let myself do that to Tyler. He deserved so much more than that. My mind was made up at that point and I hurriedly looked at my clock as I hauled my coat back on. My eyes bulged, it was almost two AM.

So I couldn't go out the front door, that much was obvious. I pictured Matt as a laid-back type of parent, but I knew there was no way in hell he would let me out this late at night. And I doubted I could just brush him off like I used to do with my mom.

My only way out was through the window, and I was not a stranger to maneuvering my way out of it. Thankfully, my house was only a one story, so I didn't have to worry about any big drops. As quickly and quietly as I could, I had my window open and had myself hoisted out and onto safe ground in ten seconds flat. As I slid it shut, I left it open just a crack, making sure I didn't accidentally close and lock it. _That would be so bad._

I shivered in the frosty night air and hugged my jacket closer to myself, not looking forward to the walk back to Tyler's house. I lived in a town with about four thousand people in it, so I didn't really have to worry about someone jumping me or some other insane thing like that.

Contrary to earlier tonight when the hours seemed to tick by like seconds, the walk to Tyler's house felt like it took forever. But eventually, I was standing under the huge oak tree behind his house, staring up at his bedroom window. His house was a two-story, so I was required to climb the tree, which was so usefully placed right in front of his window, to get to his room. It was nothing to me now; I'd gotten better at it over the past few years of sneaking out. In under a minute I was standing on a thick branch, ready to knock on his window.

I tapped as quietly as I could, not wanting to scare him because by the looks of it, he was asleep. A few seconds passed and nothing stirred, so I rapped a little harder, cursing him for being so deaf at a time like this.

"Payton?!" A harsh whisper erupted from behind the window and soon the lights were flicked on, revealing Tyler in a pair of boxers and a wifebeater. I smiled at the sight, well used to seeing him like that. He grinned widely as he yanked his window open and all but hauled me in his room. "What are you doing here?" He whispered, his tone more happy than shocked now.

I faltered, attempting to figure out what to say. I would let the words get stuck in my throat again. I had to tell him how much he meant to me. "I just—I had to see you one last time, Tyler, I want you to--" I was cut off by being crushed into a tight hug. I remained silent, savouring the way his hugs felt as I knew I wouldn't be getting another one of them for a while.

When I pulled away, he was grinning for ear to ear. "Ty," I began softly, now serious. "Listen, I just—you're my best friend and you always will be, okay?"

He looked as if he didn't know where I was going with it, so I continued. "I love you so much," I said, feeling tears prick at my eyes. "I just, I don't know how I'm gonna do this without you."

Smiling sadly, he pulled me back into another hug. "I love you too, P, and we'll talk every day. I _promise._ "We'll talk on the phone all the time, and on MSN, and we can still play Call of Duty together!" We both laughed at that, having fond memories of playing that particular game.

"And you gotta visit, too, Tina," I said and he nodded enthusiastically. I pulled back so I could meet his eyes. "If I'm gonna keep my promise, you have to keep one too."

He seemed confused, but nodded nonetheless. "You gotta promise, that you won't let anyone in school talk you into doing anything you don't want to do. 'Kay? And absolutely _no_ drugs got it Tina? None!" We were talking quietly, almost whispering, well aware of his parents in the next room.

At first, he seemed hesitant to agree. Which scared me, _a lot._ But then, thankfully, he nodded his head in agreement and held up his right hand. "I promise."

"Pinkie promise?" I pressed, sticking my pinkie out in front of me. He grinned as he held his out too, locking them together before taking me into yet another hug.

As suddenly as he brought me into a hug, he pulled away and looked at me warily. "Does Matt know you're here?" He questioned, looking down at me in what seemed like worry. I quickly shook my head, thinking it was a good thing that he hadn't known I was gone, but his eyes widened and he began ushering me back toward the window. "Payton," He said, taking an almost scolding tone. "You just met the guy and you're already sneaking out?"

I lowered my gaze. "Well geez, Tina, it's not as bad as it sounds. God."

He snorted as he opened the window and gestured for me to start hauling myself out. Once I was out, I expertly balanced myself on the branch and leaned across so I could hug him one last time through the window. "Just, when I say give him a chance, that sort of means not getting in trouble."

I gasped melodramatically and pulled back. "But Tina, that goes against everything we know!"

It was great to act like everything was okay, at least for a little while. Mom wouldn't want me to be sad all the time, and I relished being able to joke around with Tyler one more time. It felt so much better that I had gotten everything off my chest, too. And, with the promise Tyler was going to keep, I wouldn't have to worry so much anymore.

"I know—I know, but just try okay?"

Nodding, I pulled back and goofily saluted him. I wanted our final goodbye to be light, not emotional like earlier, because it seemed like it was then when I couldn't seem to get all the words I wanted to say out. "C'ya later, Tina!" I called quietly as I began my way back down the old oak tree.

"Bye! And be careful!" He whispered as my feet touched the ground. I looked up at him and waved one last time before I began sprinting out of his yard.

I was in a good mood. Which was odd to say the least, especially at a time like this when I was saying goodbye to my best friend. Plus, I always felt better when I ran; it was almost like a self-therapy sort of thing.

Of course, I wasn't in the best shape, so I couldn't run all the way home. But, I made it pretty damn far. I got back in half the time it would usually take if I had been going at normal pace.

There was just one problem, though.

My window was _closed and locked._

And I specifically remembered making sure I didn't do either of those things. I cussed as I paced around my snow-covered backyard, trying to figure out what to do.

Basically, there was only one option. The back door and all of the other windows were locked, so I _had_ to go through the front door. I was pretty much busted, unless I wanted to sleep outside all night. I stealthily moved around to the front yard, peering in through the windows as I passed. I didn't see Matt, and the kitchen lights were one. _Not_ a good sign. As quietly as possible, I opened the front door, cussing again as it squeaked and groaned in protest.

I kicked my chucks off into a corner of the porch and tip-toed into the living room. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Matt, his back facing me as he leaned against the counter, a phone pressed to his ear. "I don't know, man. I went to check on her, she wasn't there and her window was open. She must have snuck out." He groaned, running his free hand through his hair.

_This was it,_ I decided, I had to make myself known there was no way I could get around him. _Now or never._ I made my way into the kitchen, making sure my footsteps were obnoxiously loud. Matt whipped around and stared blankly at me for a few moments before telling whoever he was talking to that he had to go, the snapping of his phone shutting made me jump.

He stood just a few feet in front of me, his posture even more intimidating than usual. I swallowed, realizing just how tall and… unapproachably huge he was. I looked like a Smurf compared to him, and I almost had to look all the way up to meet his eyes.

"Where were you?" He questioned, his tone surprisingly even.

"Out." I stated simply, not wanting to get Tyler in trouble. Foolishly, I tried to scurry around him, but before I realized what happened he stepped aside to block me and I found myself walking straight into his chest.

Instinctively, I took a few steps back, staring up at him as he crossed his arms over his chest. He stared back down at me, coming closer as I stepped back even more. "Just because I said I wasn't going to push you into anything, doesn't mean you can sneak off at four in the morning."

My head snapped toward the clock radio under the microwave, and it was as if I shrunk at the sight. It was _that_ late?

I looked up at him, growing more nervous as he seemed to loom over me even more. "I was worried about you." He stated, looking down at me with the same menacing stare as before.

Bravely (and possibly stupidly) I snorted and rolled my eyes. Once I realized that the gesture probably pissed him off even more, I kept my eyes on the ground, refusing to look up at him. "Look at me," He demanded and I jumped, not expecting him to raise his voice.

He was acting as if I'd gone out and done _crack_ or something. I was just saying goodbye to my best friend. And who was he to try and boss me around, acting like a parent, when I only just met him _yesterday?_ Anger surged through me, and when I met his gaze, my stare turned into a resentful glare. My good mood was officially ruined.

"Go to sleep." He said through a sigh as he stepped aside. I took it as my cue to leave.

As I all but ran down the hall to my room, I felt a little braver with the distance that was now between us. I snorted again, quickly coming up with a retort. "I was planning on it."

Even though I only had an hour or so of sleep left, I would gladly take it. I was dead tired, and when I finally got to my room and collapsed onto my bed, my jumble of thoughts were generally centered around one thing.

_Something tells me I'm not gonna get away with as much as I used to._


	7. Chapter Six

"Payton, wake up," Someone gently shook my shoulder, and on instinct, I grabbed a pillow and chucked it in their general direction, groaning as I turned toward the wall.

It had only been about an hour since I had gotten to sleep, and I was going to make sure whoever was attempting to wake me up was going to go through hell to even get me to respond to them.

"Come on, Payton, we have to leave in an hour." A deep chuckle echoed through my room and I was quickly brought to my senses, realizing just who was trying wake me up.

I didn't even look at Matt as I hauled myself up and brushed past him, stumbling across the hall and into the bathroom. I may have been awake, but I was barely alert as I groggily locked the door and peeled out of the previous nights clothing. As tired as I was, I was surprised I even made it to my bed the night before, let alone having the energy to change into some PJ's.

As much as I wanted to stay in the shower until it woke me up, I faintly remembered Matt saying something about leaving in an hour, so I had to make it quick.

However, once I was out and was securely wrapped in a towel, I realized I'd forgotten to bring any clothes with me. _Wouldn't that be fabulous,_ I thought sarcastically, _if I accidentally flash Matt trying to get to my room. _

Leaning against the door, I listened for movement in the kitchen. If he was in the living room, he wouldn't be able to see.

Outside, footsteps and a car door slamming shut made me want to jump for joy. I sprung at the opportunity and made a mad dash into my room, closing and locking my door behind me. Letting out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, I turned toward one of the three duffel bags I'd packed last night, cussing myself out for not remembering to leave extra clothing out. I plucked up whatever was on top, not caring if it didn't match.

Thankfully, the black distressed skinny jeans and an Atreyu t-shirt didn't go too badly together, and I threw on a black hoodie to complete the look. With my hair wet around my shoulders, I went back into the bathroom, continuing my morning routine.

As I dried and straightened my hair, I began wondering _what the hell happened to me last night._ I don't ever remember being so emotional in my entire life, and if I was in my right mind, I would have said so much more than that petty excuse for a comeback.

My promise to Tyler floated its way back into my mind, and I scowled at the thought of actually _trying_ to get along with Matt. I knew as soon as I met him that it would be next to impossible. And let's face it, I'm not going to be able to talk to him without getting into an argument. Especially after that little stunt he pulled last night. Did he really think he could act like a parent, as if he'd been there all the time?

He was making everything so much harder. If he had been cool about my sneaking out last night, I wouldn't have been feeling so..._strongly_ about him. Resentment and rebellion flared up in me and I clenched my jaw as I recalled the past nights events.

I wasn't going to open my mouth around him, as I knew that if I did, I wouldn't be able to control what would come out of it. So then, naturally, I began twisting the promise I made to Tyler to fit my _situation._ If not talking to Matt means not telling him off, that _technically_ means I'm giving him a chance, right?

... _Right._ I was still sticking to my promise, or at least I had to think that to keep myself sane.

"Payton?" Matt called through the bathroom door, and I tore my eyes away from the mirror, staring at it blankly, hoping that if I didn't answer, he'd just go away. "Payton? We have to leave in a few minutes." Still, when I didn't respond, he continued. "You okay?" Worry welled in his voice, causing me to groan and unplug my straighter.

Why was he always so worried about me? Whenever I was around him, he was always shooting worried glance at me or asking me if I was 'okay'. Did he think I was suicidal or something? Sure, within the first ten seconds of meeting him I beat out a car windshield, but I'd hardly call that something to worry over.

Deciding my hair was good enough; I turned toward the door and all but whipped it open. I quickly passed Matt, breezing through my room to get my backpack. I hadn't put much in it, just my laptop, iPod, and wallet.

Before opening my door, I turned back around to take the state of my room in. It was bare; the only thing left was my furniture and things like my amp, which I was now regretting not buying a case for. It was just a practice amp, but the only one I owned. Everything that was at Tyler's house, he owned. His parents _loved_ his passion for music, and gave him whatever his heart desired. Unlike my mom, who was always somewhat negative about me having anything to do with music, only giving me the essentials to play guitar.

At least now I knew the reason why. Because my 'father' was a fucking _rock star _who more than likely just up and left my mom when he found out she was pregnant. If I were her, I would be a little hesitant if my kid wanted to go down the same path.

Sighing, I put my coat on and hauled my backpack over my back, giving my room one last painful, longing glance before I left.

_This was really it._ I was leaving. Nothing would ever be the same, that much was certain. And I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to like any of it. I wanted to stay here, have a sleepover with my best friend on the weekends. I want my mother barge into my room at nine o'clock in the morning on the weekends, all but forcing us to eat whatever healthy yet delicious breakfast she concocted.

Those were the days, and I regret taking them for granted. Everything was so easy back then, so simple. Wake up late for school, get to the class late without a tardy note, somehow get detention, go home, mess around with Tyler, and repeat.

Now, _complicated_ couldn't even begin to describe what my life had turned into.

Once in the kitchen, I sat at the island and lazily slumped over it, never feeling as tired as I was then in my life. "We don't have time for breakfast," Matt announced from the living room. I jumped back up into a sitting position, realizing that I'd almost fell asleep. "We'll probably just get something on the way."

I was hungry, but I wasn't about to tell him that. Plus, I was sure I could wait until I got some 'on the way'.

A yawn escaped my lips as I joined him in the living room, picking up one of my duffel bags, knowing there was no way I could carry them two at a time. Instead, I held my guitar case tightly in the other. Apparently, Matt had brought them out while I was in the shower.

"You sure you can handle all that?" Matt asked, not attempting to conceal his laughter as he watched my stumpy figure get weighed down by all of the weight. That duffel bag was heavier than I thought.

Silently nodding, I headed out to the front door, noting that it was still dark out. I hadn't even checked the time when I'd gotten up this morning, but figured it was inching closer to six AM since Matt said we would be late if we had breakfast.

All of Matt's luggage was already in the back of the SUV, and I haphazardly tossed my duffel bag in before laying my guitar case next to it, not wanting to damage it. I turned around, ready to go back up the steps to begin retrieve my other two bags. I jumped about a mile when I saw Matt behind me, each of my duffel bags slung over each shoulder.

I don't know if I was supposed to say thanks – but I didn't, so it doesn't matter.

As soon as I got in the passenger seat, I plucked my iPod Classic out of my backpack and stuffed my ear buds into my ears, effectively ending any hopes of conversation on the hour drive to the airport. Instead, I gazed out the window, memorizing everything I could as the scenery blurred by, much too fast for my taste. Picking out friend's houses, interesting landmarks, places where I used to hang out, everything about the only home I'd ever known. That was at least, until we got on the highway.

Nothing was even remotely interesting about it, and I found myself being lulled to sleep by Scary Kids Scaring Kids 'Watch Me Bleed', my head resting against the cool window.

Once we neared the airport though, I sat upright in my seat, anxiety filling the hopeless void in the bottom of my stomach. _Thirty five thousand feet up in the air._ That was a long ways to fall. Not to mention the claustrophobic, closed in feel of an airplane. I was already visibly shaking, but if Matt asked, I would just say it was because I was hungry.

If I could conceal my shock of finding out a rock star was my father, I sure as hell could hide the fact that I was terrified of planes.

Getting to the airport, putting all of our stuff on luggage carts, checking in, and going through security was a blur for me. Trepidation filled my every step, causing me to lag behind Matt. Ordering a coffee and a frosted cinnamon roll at Tim Hortons helped me calm down some, but only temporarily. At least I wasn't hungry anymore.

When it came to actually boarding the plane, that was the worst. I almost completely lost my shit, and I was more than thankful I was still trailing behind Matt, who was completely oblivious to my almost-panic attack.

_Thirty five thousand feet._ That seemed to be all I could think about. Over and over again, that simple phrase repeated itself until my lungs squeezed and my heart began beating in my ears. A chill ran through my entire body and my stomach lurched.

By then, were actually on the plane, sat down and buckled in. I felt so constricted. The one thing I wanted to do was run like a bat out of hell, and get as far away from that damned plane as possible.

Matt was sat next to me, as casual and relaxed as can be. _Of course he was. _He was probably on planes all the time! I pulled my knees up to my chest so I was hugging my backpack and turned my head so Matt couldn't see it, closing my eyes. _Just relax. Calm down or else Matt's gonna notice it and make a big deal out of it._

What could calm me down? I needed something to take my mind off of everything, because having a breakdown in the middle of the plane just before takeoff _did not_ appeal to me.

My iPod. Music always managed to sooth me even in the worst of situations, and I was hoping that it would now. My shaky hands reached into the side pocket of my backpack, fishing out my iPod not as fast as I would have liked. I caught Matt staring at me out of the corner of my eye, and I immediately composed myself and sat back in my seat, already feeling better just holding my iPod.

The moment Lacey Mosley's voice filled my ears; I began to feel better. I began picking apart the guitar part and the meaning of each song, completely absorbed in it. I barely even flinched when the jet engine's roared to life, although I did turn the volume up a little higher. If I was oblivious to what was going on around me, I would be okay.

A half an hour later when I took an ear bud out and looked around, I realized I hadn't even noticed we were up in the air. Even though there was no way in hell I was looking out the window, it wasn't half as bad as I thought it was going to be. Which, maybe I exaggerated about in my previous panic-stricken state. I almost thought the plane was going to like a car traveling on an unpaved road, full of turbulence.

But it wasn't, and soon, I found myself drifting off to sleep, getting the much needed rest I hadn't the night before.

"Payton?" Someone gently shook my shoulder, their fingers gently prodding. They wanted me for something obviously, but I sighed and turned away. I hadn't gotten that much sleep in weeks, and even though I was fully refreshed, I wanted to stay asleep, just for a little while long to allow myself some time to properly wake up. "Payton, the plane's...."

With my ear buds still in my ears, Matt's words were distorted and I heard something _completely _different. I ripped my headphones out and stared at him in sheer horror. "What? The plane's crashing?!"

Several passengers popped up in their seats like a jack in the box, but were restricted by their seatbelts. They only added to my alarm. Matt, on the other hand, was staring at me, completely amused. "No," He started slowly, smirking for ear to ear. "I said the plane is _landing._" He said it loudly, so the passengers who had freaked out about my misinterpretation could hear.

Letting out a sigh of relief, I relaxed in my seat and tried to clear my head. At least I'd woken up. And Matt's news was the best news I'd heard in quite a long time. I just wanted to get off the plane and onto solid ground.

Thankfully, I didn't have to wait too long and before I knew it I found myself hauling my backpack on again, and it seemed like just moments after that we were strolling through the terminal. Matt was looking for someone, that much was obvious, but I was too stubborn to ask who.

"Matt!" An excited, feminine voice called from behind us. She sounded _ecstatic_. If only I felt the same way about meeting him.

Matt quickly turned on his heel, and much to my dismay, slung an arm over my shoulder as we approached the woman who had called out his name. She was attractive to say the least. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a pony tail, and she wore a white tank top and skinny jeans.

I didn't look at her too much more, not able to with Matt's arm across my shoulder. As casually as possible, I shrugged his arm off and stepped away slightly, not able to handle being in such close proximity to him.

Matt looked a little hurt, but quickly glanced at the woman who was now standing in front of us. Stepping forward he gave her a warm hug and a quick kiss on his lips, I instantly knew who it was. Once he stepped back, he smiled from his wife to me. "Payton, this is my wife, Valary."

"Call me Val, hun," She grinned and stood about an arm's length away from me, looking unsure. But I barely had time to register she had stepped forward when I found myself crushed into a hug.

It felt like one of my mom's hugs. It was so warm and tight, yet gentle. I missed those so very much. Now that I thought more about it, motherly vibes seemed to waft from her, and it only added to my bewilderment when I began leaning into the hug. Once I realized what I was doing, I went rigid and kept completely still.

Usually, I wouldn't let people I just met touch me. And here I was, willing to hug a complete stranger?

I would give her credit, though. She was just so kind, and... trustworthy. Right off the bat. No one had ever had that kind of first impression on me yet, and I instantaneously knew that we would probably end up being good friends.

More than likely the only friend I would make here, too. I wasn't the best at making friends, hence why I usually only hung out with Tyler.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Payton!" She said as she pulled away, and I instantly took note of her use of the word 'finally'.

That pretty much confirmed my suspicions of Matt knowing about me, and I once again felt anger build up. _I just know that once he found out mom was pregnant, he up and left._ It was so obvious it was almost as if someone had admitted it out loud.

Nonetheless, I smiled back at her, not wanting her to think I didn't like her. "Alright, let's get your bags!" She clapped her hands together before looking at Matt, who nodded and laced his hand with hers.

Not wanting to have the same _incident_ to happen as earlier, I trailed behind them with my hands shoved into my pockets, my eyes downcast.

_Okay, so I met his wife._ One big part of the day over with. _And she was actually nice._ How did she end up with my father?

Fifteen minutes later, we had all of our luggage into Matt's _massive_ (much bigger than the rental) SUV. But if I had to guess, I would say it was something like a Tahoe or a Suburban.

"Payton," Val said from the front seat, glancing back at me. "Are you up to meeting some of Matt's friends? They're dying to meet you," A humorous glint appeared in her eyes, but I didn't let myself think too much about it.

Friends, as in, the rest of the band.

I merely shrugged, pretending to be neutral about the idea. Truthfully, I wanted to get into whatever room I owned, and curl up into a ball on my bed. I doubted I would get any sleep, since I just slept through an entire ten hour flight, but I desperately just wanted to be alone.

"Great," She said, grinning. "I'll call Jimmy first then. He hasn't stopped bugging me the whole day."

Again, I simply nodded as I felt my nervousness grow. How many people were they talking about? I hoped they were only talking about just maybe one or two people, but in the back of my mind, I knew that it would be the entire band, and their girlfriends/wives.

I gulped, I didn't like meeting so many people at once, and I was beginning to think I should have said no.


	8. Chapter Seven

Matt

"I think you're gonna like your room," I said, a smile playing on my lips as my hand lingered above her doorknob. "Val decorated it for you."

I tried my best to keep the smile on my face, not wanting Payton to know how hurt I was when she barely acknowledged my presence, her eyes flicking anxiously from me to her door.

What could I expect, though? I can't say I wouldn't act the same way if I were in her position.

Twisting the knob, I opened the door and gestured for her to go first. Once she was in, her eyes widened for a moment before she broke out into a tiny smile. _It was better than nothing,_ I thought miserably. However, once she saw me still standing there, she quickly dropped her smile and turned back to looking around her room.

Again, my heart sank for the umpteenth time that day. "Bathroom's through there," I pointed to the other side of her room, "And your closet's through the other."

When I didn't get a reply, I continued. "Alright, well, I'll leave you to get settled then. You can unpack if you'd like." I'd already brought up her duffel bags while Val was showing her around the house, I wouldn't let her strain herself like that again. She was the tiniest fourteen year old I had ever seen, and I knew she took after her mother for that.

Finally she turned around, meeting my eyes for the briefest of seconds as she nodded. "I'll come up and get you when the guys get here, okay? They live really close, so it won't be too long."

She nodded again as she sat on her bed, looking at me expectantly. I took it as my cue to leave, shutting her door dejectedly as I left and made my way down to the kitchen where Val was.

All she had to do was take one look at me, and I wrapped my arms around her waist as she brought me into her embrace. "How ya' feeling, baby?" Val asked, squeezing me tighter as I nuzzled my face into her hair.

I felt _horrible_, to say the least. I don't know what I would do if I lost my mother _now,_ let alone at such a tender age as Payton's. All I wished for was to hug her close and tell her that everything would be okay, but I knew that wasn't going to happen any time soon.

"She barely said two words to me, Val." I stated, finally letting my voice reflect how much pain I was feeling.

"Awe, Matt," She sighed and pulled back so she could meet my eyes. "You just gotta give her time, baby. You know how hard it is for her."

"I know, I know," I let out a deep sigh and lovingly pecked her lips. "I just... I just wish I could fix everything."

"She'll come around eventually, babe, I promise--" Val was cut off by the front door slamming open, we both groaned.

Fast, heavy footsteps came from the living room, and eventually, once he figured out we weren't there, Jimmy popped up from behind the corner. "Where is she?!" He asked as soon as he saw us, looking completely out of his mind with excitement. Val and I pulled away from each other and stared blankly at him. "I bet she looks just like you! Oh, shit! I am so gonna give her an awesome nickname!"

The rest of Avenged and their wives/girlfriends showed up behind him, everyone showing some form of excitement on their faces. "She's upstairs, Jim. I'll go get--"

"No! You stay there, I'll go get her!" Before anyone could stop him, he took off back around the corner, heading for the stairs.

I groaned, but couldn't keep the smile off my face as everyone laughed. "Don't scare her!" I managed to call, praying he heard me.

Heaving a sigh, I began to make my way toward the living room. "Try not to crowd her, guys. She seems really shy."

Everyone was excited to have Payton here for different reasons. The girls were ecstatic to have another girl around, especially a teenager. I shuddered at the thought of what they would try to dress her up in. The guys, however, I knew they wanted to spoil her senseless. They already saw her as a daughter or a sister and they hadn't even met her.

Once everyone was settled in various seats around the living area, I looked around at everyone, making sure to meet their gaze for a moment so they knew I was serious. "She's going through a hard time, just remember that okay?" I kept my voice low, not wanting Payton to hear.

Everyone calmed down considerably, or at least tried to. They only meant the best though, I knew that. They'd been dying to meet her.

Payton

My room was amazing. In fact, I had to stop myself from thanking and hugging Matt. The walls were painted the same color as my old room, black and red, and I was grateful for the small sense of familiarity it gave. A huge, black four poster bed sat in the in the upper center of the room, with red drapes cascading down around it and it gave the room a cosy feel.

An LCD TV was mounted on the wall in front of it, and below it sat a cabinet complete with a Blu-ray player and an Xbox 360. In between the two doors leading to the bathroom and closet, a desk sat, a Jack Skellington lamp illuminating the sleek black laptop that was placed on the desk.

Now that I looked around the room a little more, I realized that was the general theme. Nightmare before Christmas memorabilia was scattered throughout it. Everything from the alarm clock to the framed pictures on the walls had Jack, Sally, or another character from the movie in it.

The bathroom was reasonably normal with the usual stuff in it; a shower, sink, toilet, mirror. The walk in closet was fairly normal, too. It was easily three, maybe even four times the size of my old one, though. Shelves and racks for clothing adorned every wall, not leaving any of the paint behind them visible.

I forced myself not to get excited about it, reminding myself _why_ I was here. Because my mother was _dead._ As soon as I had thought about her, the pain was so intense it was as if I'd been punched in the stomach.

As much as my room fitted me, I felt so out of place here. I didn't belong, I didn't know anyone. I was a stranger to them as they were to me. I wanted my mom back. I wouldn't resent Matt so much if I had met him when mom was alive.

He wasn't there for me that night when the police had shown up at my door. He wasn't there to comfort me when I collapsed in my living room after they had left. He was _never_ there. How could he ever expect me to consider him my father?

Yet again, I forced myself to push all of those thoughts to the back of my head. If I didn't think so much, I would be as okay as I possibly could be. Noticing a cordless phone on the desk, I hastily picked it up, and punched in the number I had dialled so many times before. I need to hear that I could relate with, one that I could take comfort with when I heard it.

"Hello?" Came Tyler's concerned voice. I immediately felt better at the sound of it. Back home, it was just after noon, but I knew he wouldn't be back in school yet. He'd refused to go without me, but that changed when talks of living with my father began, and he stayed home to spend as much time with me as possible. His parents didn't mind because they knew we had only limited time left with each other.

"Hey Ty," I breathed as I sat down on the bed, holding my head with my free hand. I desperately wished he was here with me. Things would be so much easier if he was here with me.

"Payton!" He replied, his voice instantly becoming cheerful and excited. "How was the flight? You didn't pass out did you?" He laughed, although his toned was laced with concern. He knew how much I hated flying.

"I almost did," I chuckled, trying to sound as happy as he was. "But I got over it once we got up in the air."

"That's good," He sounded relieved, but quickly carried on to something else. "You meet the rest of Avenged yet?"

"No, but apparently they'll be over in a bit. I met Val though. She's really nice. She said Jimmy couldn't wait to meet me." I grinned, even though he obviously couldn't see me.

If there was anyone Tyler was obsessed with, it was The Rev. He worshiped the man, and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he had a shrine to him in his bedroom. "Dude," He gasped, "You have to—get his autograph for me or... or something!" He was speechless, that much was obvious.

"Calm yourself, Tina," It felt so good to be talking to him like nothing was wrong. It helped me forget everything that happened over the past few weeks, even if it was just for a few minutes. "I could probably get him to phone you or something. And remember, you're coming to visit – sometime soon. I'll seriously die if you don't."

"I will, Patey, I promise. Maybe over Easter break." I swallowed. That was _months_ away.

Just before I could reply, I heard footsteps coming down the hall. It sounded as if they were running full out. I waited the few seconds it took for them to get to my door, and a fast, almost _frantic_ knock sounded at my door. "I gotta go Tyler, I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Okay, P. Love you."

"Love you too." As much as I didn't want to, I quickly hung up and put the phone back on its base. After another knock, I rushed over to the door and swung it open, resisting the urge to tell whoever was behind it off.

Jimmy Sullivan stood there, in all his glory. If Tyler were here, he would shit himself. I, on the other hand, was slightly scared. Jimmy had this huge, crazy, and contagious smile on his face. He didn't move as he took me in, grinning even more as he saw how short I was.

"Uh, _hi?" _I greeted warily after another few moments of silence. I blushed, I couldn't stand it when people stared at me.

"Oh my _god!_ You're _so_ tiny!" Without warning, he crushed me into a hug. I made an '_oomph'_ sound as he literally picked me up off my feet so he could hug me properly. After a few moments, he set me down but kept his hands on my shoulders as he crouched down to my height. "You like a... you're like an _elf!"_

It was next to impossible to be mad at such a happy guy, so I just smiled up at him. Besides, I was used to much, much harsher comments than that one. That was actually cute compared to what I was called in school.

He didn't give me time to reply. "You can call me Uncle Jimmy. Or just Jimmy if you want. Whatever. I already know who you are, Payton! Oh yes, I've been going crazy ever since your dad left. I know what I'm gonna call you! How's Mini-Me sound?"

Grabbing my hand, he all but dragged me out of my room and down the hall. I blinked, several times. He was talking a mile a minute. And the one thing that scared me most was the fact that I actually understood what he was saying. He wouldn't give me time to reply, though, so I basically zoned out and concentrated on not tripping as we made our way down the stairs.

"What's your favourite color, Payton?" He asked suddenly, standing directly in front of me as his blue eyes probed mine.

By then, we were standing just outside of a living room, and from what I could tell, there were at least eight people in it. And they were _all_ staring at me. I shifted nervously on the balls of my feet. "Uhm... red, I guess." I replied quietly, wondering why he was asking such a random question. But then again, everything he had said to be so far had been random.

He jumped as if he had just won the lottery and pointed almost accusingly at Val, who as sitting next to Matt on the largest sofa. "See, Val! I told you she'd like red more than purple!" He swivelled back around and grinned at me. "I helped pick out the colors for your room. Val said you'd like purple more, but no, Mini-Me! I knew!"

I let a small laugh escape my lips, this guy just _breathed _happiness, and it was hard not feel like you were having fun when you were around him. I had a feeling I would like him.

Val rolled her eyes, but grinned at the both of us. Matt got up from his seat and stood next to Jimmy, smiling warmly at me. "I guess you met Jimmy," He laughed, sounding more at ease now that we weren't completely alone with each other. However, he was hesitant as he reached out and placed his hand on my shoulder, giving me a gentle push so I was now fully in the living room.

Hadn't he gotten the message at the airport? I could deal with this for now, though. The promise I'd made to Tyler was still lurking somewhere in the depths of my mind. Also, just because he and I weren't going to get along doesn't mean I couldn't with everyone else. And I was pretty sure that shrugging him off like I had at the airport wouldn't be the best impression I could have on his friends.

He began pointing around the room to each person, introducing them to me. "That's Zacky and his girlfriend Gena, Brian and his wife Michelle. She's Val's twin." He said as he pointed to the two couples who sat on the sofa across from Val. Each of them grinned and waved, while I managed to crack a smile back. I could tell right off the bat that Michelle and Val were related, and I hoped she was as nice as Val. "Then there's Johnny and his girlfriend Lacey, and Leana is Jimmy's wife."

That was a lot to remember, but I already knew the guys names and some of the girls, so it wasn't so bad. Jimmy sat down by Leana, and Val patted the place next to her on the sofa, smiling warmly. "Come sit next to me, Payton."

I smiled, thankful to be free from Matt's grasp as I sat down next to her. But then, much to my dismay, Matt sat next to me, so I ended up being sandwiched between him and Val.

Across from me, Brian grinned, but didn't say anything. I looked around questioningly, and of course, everyone was still staring at me, silent. Could they even at least _try_ to conceal it?

"Man," Zacky breathed after a moment, looking completely amazed. "She looks just like you, Matt."

"I know!" Brian finally gasped and leaned forward even more in his seat to get a better look at me. I shrunk back into the sofa, hating the stares they were still giving me.

I wanted to groan, I really don't know how I managed not to. I wanted to tell them to _stop staring at me,_ but I just couldn't get the words out. This was all new territory for me, all new people. I didn't know anyone. If I wasn't around someone I knew, I was shy as hell.

Matt merely smiled and glanced down at me, before looking back to Brian and Zacky. "I know."

"Look how skinny she is!" Leana said, nudging Johnny with her elbow, as if giving him some sort of important news. "She looks just like you though, Matt."

Nods and sounds of agreement echoed throughout the room, and Jimmy grinned triumphantly. "See, Mini-Me? That's why I'm gonna call you Mini-Me. You look just like your dad, but you're not even half the size of him!"

_Hmm.._ at that moment, 'Dr. Evil' seemed like quite a fitting title for Matt.

The one thing I wanted to do then was crawl into a hole and die. Really, I did. Or hide my face in my hands at the very least. Their stares, although I knew they meant nothing by them, seemed to pierce right through me.

"Alright guys, that's enough. You're embarrassing her now." I jumped when Matt spoke and turned to stare at him, almost in disbelief, but I quickly covered it up and went back to picking at the hem of my shirt.

To say the least, I was not expecting Matt to say that. Maybe, just _maybe_, he wasn't _as_ bad as I had originally thought he was. But that didn't mean I would be completely comfortable around him and strike up a good conversation with him whenever I felt like it. What I then promised to myself, and to Tyler, was that I would at least be civil around him, and actually answer him when he asked me something.

That wouldn't be so bad, would it? Although I didn't know the story between him and mom, and I would probably always blame him until I knew the truth, I promised I wouldn't jump to conclusions, _yet._

Everyone moved on to different topics of conversation, something about an upcoming album (or something about a break from touring. Either or), but everyone's eyes flickered to me every now and then, and I could tell that they all wanted to ask me something. I tuned them out then, but my mind unwillingly wandered back to the past. To my _old_ life.

What would I be doing now if everything was normal? It was early here, around ten or eleven in the morning, but back home it was sometime in the afternoon, probably close to two PM. It was a Wednesday, so I would more than likely be in school, with Tyler. That was at least, if weren't suspended again. We always managed to get ourselves into some kind of trouble, whether it be pulling hilarious (well, in our opinion) pranks or getting into fights. And usually, we got punished for it.

We didn't mind, though. In our opinion, it was worth it. After all, it was high school. You were _supposed_ to have fun, right? And if getting suspended for standing up for yourself, which usually resulted in a fight, we were fine with that. Or I was. Tyler usually only got in fights because he felt like he needed to protect me.

Looking back on it, though, I felt horrible for stressing my mom out with all of our crap. Like any mother, she hated it when I got in trouble. And even more when I didn't listen to her. I could never get passed my tough exterior and realize that she only wanted the best for me. That was another thing I regretted so much.

"Huh, Payton?" Johnny laughed and grinned, and I looked at him questioningly. _I obviously missed something._

"What?" I asked, my voice small compared to the other voices that filled the room.

"I heard you snuck out last night. Matt called Brian and it sounded like he was going to have a mild stroke."

Beside me, Matt stiffened and I realized that it hadn't been brought up since I'd gotten home last night. _Geez, thanks for reminding him, Johnny._ However, he didn't say anything about the matter, and I can't describe how thankful I was that he hadn't. That would just give me another reason not to give him a chance.

So, I just shrugged smiled mischievously, hoping that would be enough. "Yep," Zacky grinned as he stretched out and lazily slung an arm around Gena's waist. "She's just like her dad."

4


	9. Chapter Eight

Being myself around people I don't know has never been one of my strengths. I just don't like sharing things with people I don't trust. And so far, as nice as everyone was, I couldn't let myself to trust anyone.

I guess I put people through a sort of test before I let myself be comfortable around them. A very long one, at that. I watch how they react to the things I say, which usually isn't much, how offended they are if they think I did something wrong. How easy-going they are. You know, things that I think make me able to trust them. I try to get a feel for who they really are as a person. However, I was never really good at reading peoples expressions, which is probably why it takes me so long to trust anyone.

For the past three days of living with Matt, I holed myself up in my room and talked to Tyler on MSN or played Xbox with him. I didn't want to face the reality of things. I couldn't just walk his house anymore, and the thought of it scared me.

What if I had a nightmare? Usually, a panic-attack follows it. Who would be there to comfort me? I refused to think about having to go through the whole ordeal all alone.

That was another reason why I was spending so much time talking with Tyler. He helps me get my mind off of everything, and I'm able to be myself while I'm with him, even if it's just over the phone or on MSN. It was because I knew he was there for me, no matter how far away he was.

However, I'd stuck to my promise and went downstairs whenever Val or one of the guys or girls came up and asked me to. I talked to them whenever they asked me something, and was generally as friendly as someone in my situation could be. I tried my best to do the same around Matt, but things were just... awkward. On my part, at least.

Questions I knew I would never ask arose whenever I was around him. Like where he was for the past fourteen years. Why did my mother to the other side of the continent? _Did he always know about me?_

I wish I could just blurt them out to get it over with. It would be _so_ much easier if it was all out in the open, but it wasn't.

The same heavy, seemingly urgent knock I'd heard for the first time three days sounded at the door, and I swivelled around in my computer chair to stare at my door. "C'mon in, Jimmy!" I called, not bothering to close my laptop with my conversation on MSN with Tyler on it.

That was all the invitation he needed before bursting into my room, I didn't even jump anymore. Grinning, he silently walked over to my bed and plopped himself down on it, clasping his hands together on his lap.

I have to admit, I was a little creeped out with the stare he was giving me, and the fact that he hadn't uttered a single word yet. But then again, that was probably why I liked him so much. You never knew what he was going to do next, and everything was an adventure with him. He reminded me a little of Tyler, which is probably why I had taken to him so much over the past few days.

"So, Kim, Gary, Amy, Herb and Mary Lou are gonna be here in an hour or so." He finally said after a few more moments. I nodded, wondering why he felt the need to tell me _again._ They were Matt's parents, his grandparents, and sister. Or, I guess, my grandparents, _great_ grandparents and aunt. They were coming over to meet me, and everyone just had to go and make a big deal out of it by throwing a huge barbecue.

Thankfully though, it wasn't going to be a huge crowd, just Avenged and their girls, and of course the rest of my _family._ I didn't think I could say that out loud and actually mean it, seeing as I knew nothing about them other than their names and a few random facts.

As nervous as I was about meeting them, I was pretty confident that I could handle it. After all, I'd done okay with meeting Avenged.

"And?" I pressed quietly, looking at him sceptically as I crossed my arms and remained still in my chair.

"So it leaves me time to do this." He hadn't even finished talk and he had me picked up and slung over his shoulder, going straight for my door.

"J—_Jimmy!"_ I yelled, having a faint idea of what he was going to do, and I didn't like it at all. "Put me down, goddamnit!"

Just from the tone of his voice, I could tell he was still grinning. "So she swears!" He yelled and laughed maniacally as he all but ran down the stairs. I began wondering how the heck he could even so much as job with me on his shoulder. "See Matt, I told you she does!"

They'd only heard me swear just now? Well, I guess I hadn't been given the chance to cuss, until now. And what the hell did they talk about when I wasn't around? Did they sit in the living room and contemplate the things I do and don't do while sipping a beer or something?

"No, _no_ Jimmy! I swear to god, if you--" Jimmy paused once we got to the kitchen, making me stop talking too. Did he change his mind? Oh god, please, _please,_ let it be true!

"Jimmy," I heard Matt laugh through a sigh behind the island. "What are you doing with my kid?"

_His kid. _He said that so easily, like he _really_ considered me his own or something crazy like that. But at that point, I was willing to ignore it and try and get him to save me from my impending doom. I began struggling on Jimmy's shoulder, but not enough to actually accidentally hurt him. "Matt!" I said desperately, "Don't let him! He's gonna throw me in the fuckin' pool!"

"See, see!" Jimmy yelled, waving his free arm around exaggeratedly. "She _does_ swear. You owe me ten bucks."

So they were placing _bets_ on me in their spare time, too? I was beginning to think they were even crazier than I had originally thought.

I didn't hear a reply to Matt, and I began to panic even more as Jimmy walked passed them. Twisting around on Jimmy's back, I stole a glance at Matt. He was sitting next to Val at the island, and they were both smirking at our retreating figures. I glared at them and resisted the urge to give them the finger.

"Jimmy, man, come on! You... you don't wanna do this." I said desperately when I heard the sliding glass door open. The California heat instantly hit me. Even though it was January, it was obviously still warm outside. It had been a huge shock, coming from the frozen east coast to Huntington Beach, but I couldn't say I really minded, that part of the deal anyway.

"And why not, huh Mini-Me?" He chuckled and jostled me around on his shoulder, by then we were right next to the pool.

"Because... because..." I groaned, not being able to come up with anything good. I saw multiple pairs of feet and heard laughing, and instantly knew the rest of the Avenged crew were sitting around the pool. "Brian!" I said desperately. "Don't--"

That was all I could get out because I was thrown into the deep end of the pool, my Atticus t-shirt and jean shorts instantly soaked and my hair ruined. I let myself sink for a few moments with my eyes closed before darting back up for air. I glared at Jimmy, who was now standing several feet away from the pool and out of my reach. "You suck."

All he did was laugh, as did the rest of the crew, so I chose to ignore them and began floated down the pool on my back, staring up at the clear blue sky. I _did_ have a plan of revenge, as crappy as it was, it was still a plan. I just had to wait for the right moment.

Jimmy was too far away for me to take in with me. So, I floated for about five minutes, waiting until I thought I was close enough and I didn't think I would get anything wet. I made a huge splash at him, sufficiently drenching him in water. I smirked triumphantly.

Everyone around us burst out laughing yet again, and Jimmy looked completely shocked. He glanced from the laughing crowd back to me, and then _that_ smirk was back on his face. He was planning something.

I made a move to get down the pool quicker, but my petty excuse for swimming, that some liked to call doggy paddling, only got my about two feet before Jimmy dove into the pool. He was _way_ too quick, and he was all but half a foot away from me, grinning down at me evilly as I tried to stay afloat.

"You're a goner, Mini-Me." He said while shaking his wet hair all over me, and I couldn't do anything as he picked me up and threw me across the pool yet again. I didn't even get up for air before he had me grabbed around the waist, pulling me with him as he dove down to the bottom.

Finally, I came up with him coughing, but laughing nonetheless. It still felt weirder than ever to laugh without my mom, but I didn't want to seem like a bitch and make Jimmy think I was mad at him. After all, I was closer to him than anyone here, including Matt.

As hard as I could, I playfully pushed him away, but he only ended up moving about six inches. "Alright, Jimmy," Bran said as he warily watched us from the edge of the pool, not wanting to get too close. "You've had your fun, now let her out so she can dry off. Everyone's gonna be here in a little while."

"Where's Matt?" I asked Brian as I hauled myself out of the pool, wondering why I didn't see him around, I would have thought that Matt would be the one telling Jimmy to lay off me.

My question seemed to interest him, and he paused to stare at me before waving me off. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why he thought my question was odd, but I didn't dwell on it for too long. "He just went to pick up some more beer." He shrugged as he handed me a towel, and once I'd wiped my face I turn to glare at Jimmy.

"Thanks, that was exactly what I needed, Jimmy." I muttered, looking down at my soaked clothing.

"See, kid. I told you," He tapped the side of his head knowingly. "I know everything."

Jokingly rolling my eyes, I turned around and began patting down my clothing, not wanting to get anything wet on my trek back upstairs to dry off and get new clothing. I was up the stairs and swerving through the various hallways of Matt's house (to say it was _luxurious,_ would be an understatement), but I stopped once I saw him coming down the hallway that led to my room.

Once he saw me, he stopped and smiled, but I just quirked an eyebrow. "I thought Brian said you were gone to get more beer." I still found it awkward to talk to him, and my voice came out much quieter than usual.

The air thickened with tension around us, and I began wondering why Brian had said that. Matt looked completely innocent, though, so I refused to let my suspicions rise too high. "Uh, no, I decided we'd have enough. No one will be drinking too much, I don't think." He said easily, always keeping eye contact with me.

Honestly, I didn't want to think too much about it. At that point I just didn't care what he did, or if he was ever really going to get beer. I just wanted to get back to my room and change out of my sopping wet clothing. If I questioned him anymore, I _would_ end up thinking too much about it, so I nodded as I brushed past him, continuing on my way to my room.

After I'd gotten into my room, I headed straight to the bathroom for a quick shower, not being able to stand the smell of chlorine on my skin. I wasted no time and dried my hair as soon as I got out, then ventured back into my closet to find something to wear. I settled on so Tripp capris and a blue Choidos t-shirt, throwing on some beat up old skate shoes. It was just a barbecue, so I didn't have to dress up. Not that I would if they wanted me to, anyway.

When I was back in the bathroom, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I may have looked the same, but I didn't recognize myself anymore. If I was myself, I would have kicked Jimmy's ass for throwing me in the pool. I was just so _meek. _My usual snide or sarcastic remarks had disappeared, only showing themselves when I was talking with Tyler. The mischievous glint in my green eyes had disappeared, leaving them dull and lifeless.

Soon, I found myself looking away. I couldn't face my own reflection. I couldn't face _anything_ anymore. The reality of things. What would happen when I had to start going back to school? Matt hadn't so much as mentioned it yet, so I wasn't too worried yet, but I knew it was going to be hell.

No matter how shy I was, I wasn't going to let anyone walk all over me in school. Back home, I got into a fight at least once a month. The school I would be going to (having nothing better to do, I checked) was _four_ times the size of my old school. Which meant there were four times the amount of assholes. I honestly couldn't imagine all the trouble I would be getting into, and for once, I wasn't looking forward to it.

Not because it would more than likely tick Matt off, I could easily handle that. But could I go through all of that crap without Tyler? He was my wingman. I never did anything without him, and was a little more than nervous at just the thought of not having him by my side.

I realized that I didn't have much time left, so I hurriedly straightened my hair and put it up into a ponytail before exiting the bathroom. Seeing that my laptop was still on, I lazily padded over to it and slumped down into the chair, staring at the convo Tyler and I were having before Jimmy kidnapped me.

Except it wasn't there anymore, it had been exited. Sighing, I leaned back into my chair and stared up at the ceiling. I just didn't have the energy to try and figure out _why._ It was probably nothing, anyway. I just wanted to get the barbecue over with.

Not wanting a repeat situation with Jimmy throwing me over his shoulder, I decided to go downstairs then and see what everyone was up to. Everyone was still out sitting around the pool, and they looked surprised that I had come down on my own.

For the time being, I ignored their stares and plopped down on a chair with a sigh. "You look like you could use a beer." Brian grinned from across from me, and I turned to stare at him sceptically.

Was he really offering me a _beer?_ It didn't matter anyway, because I never really felt the need to drink. "I don't drink." I stated simply, and leaned my head back to stare up at the sky once again.

"Not a chance--" Matt stopped short once he heard what I said, and I could tell everyone had fixed their stares back on me. I took a peek around everyone, and they were all sharing the same disbelieving look.

"I don't believe you." Johnny stated out loud, and Lacey smacked his chest from her place on his lap.

"I don't care." It wasn't like I had anything to prove to them, that came out a little bitchier than I had intended it to, but I just didn't want to elaborate on it and further than that out loud.

I mean, sure. I went to parties every weekend with Tyler, and I may have held a drink in my hand, but that was just so everyone would stop pestering me to take one. I suppose you could call me straightedge, but I wasn't completely against alcohol or anything.

"That's it, Shadz. She's not your kid." Everyone laughed at Zacky's remark, except me. _Oh, if only._


	10. Chapter Nine

Not even five minutes after Zacky's latest remark, we heard the front door opening and closing, and several footsteps coming toward the kitchen. My head snapped up at the sound, but I anxiously stayed in place as Matt and Val retreated back into the house to greet everyone.

Laughing filtered through the sliding doors and echoes of cheerful 'hello's filled my ears. "Where is she?" I heard an elderly feminine voice ask and I gulped nervously, standing up but not moving any closer to the kitchen. "I want to see my great granddaughter!"

_Mary Lou._ Oh god, what should I call her? Just Mary Lou, or Grandma? I couldn't see myself calling her 'great Grandma' every time I saw her, so it was between the former two.

A couple made their way out to the deck then, and I instantly knew they were Herb and Mary-Lou. They were both pushing eighty, as expected, and sported thick lensed glasses. I smiled nervously at them and waved, trying my best to be as nice as possible.

"Oh, dear! Look! She looks just like Mattie!" Mary Lou crowed, and as soon as she got close enough, she engulfed me into the tightest hug I'd ever been in. Her arms shook as she hugged me as hard as she could, and I found myself struggling for breath.

"Mary Lou!" Herb scolded, but he couldn't get the wide smile to leave his face. "You're gonna suffocate her!" After a moment, Mary Lou pulled away and smiled apologetically and stood next to Herb.

They were the model couple, I was guessing past their golden years. Both silver-hair but looked as happy as they possibly could be. "You can call me Mary Lou, sweetie. Those two back there," She gestured toward Matt and another woman before continuing, "Make me feel old enough."

The smile didn't leave Herb's face. "Same goes for me, too. Call me Herb." He momentarily pulled me into a hug before letting me go, and I was almost happy that he wasn't as touchy-feely as Mary Lou.

Now that was over with, I snuck a glance behind them and saw three other people standing beside Matt and Val. The girl would Mary Lou had pointed to earlier, and a couple in the early fifties. Mary Lou took my elbow and brought me closer to the small group, and I briefly looked back at the Avenged crew to see what they were doing. For once, they were quiet. Honestly, I was surprised Jimmy didn't jump up screaming 'Nana!' or something else along those crazy lines.

I turned back toward them as soon as the girl introduced herself. She grinned widely. "I'm your auntie Amy." She was blonde, the same shade as the older lady she was standing next to, and she had the same green eyes Matt and I shared. I was little shocked by how tall she was – almost as tall as Matt. Which meant she couldn't be any less than just under 6'.

Surprisingly, she didn't hug me, but I didn't exactly mind. I could tell she was nice though, I didn't think she didn't _want_ to hug, she was probably just hesitant to do so. I smiled back at her before turning my attention on the couple standing beside her.

They were both in the mid-fifties, but they looked young for their age. I had already figured out who they were, Kim and Gary. Kim with blonde hair and Gary with salt and pepper. I could immediately tell that Matt, Amy and I got our eyes from Kim, while Gary's were chocolate brown. And after getting a closer look, I saw that Amy could pass for a younger Kim. They looked almost exactly alike.

"I'm Kim, your grandma!" She looked completely over the moon as she hugged me. "And this is your grandpa Gary." She said once she pulled away, and I smiled at him too.

All of these smiles I was giving were fake, and I felt horrible about it. It wasn't because I didn't like them or anything, but it was as if I didn't even know how to properly smile anymore, I didn't know how to actually mean it. Like I didn't have it in me to be the happy person I used to be. That made me scared, because I didn't like feeling like this, and I didn't know if I was ever going to get better.

Gary merely smiled, and he seemed like he was a man of few words. I knew I would like him just because of that.

"Alright," Matt grinned, seemingly happy with how well the introductions had gone. "Let's get everything started!"

An hour later, it was just Gary (I couldn't get myself to call him grandpa) and I on the lawn chairs across from the pool. Everyone else was off doing something else, whether it be drinking by the barbecue, helping Matt with the food, or sunbathing. I just wanted to relax and get away from the crowd for a little while, and I didn't mind having Gary around while doing so.

"So," Gary started, making me jump. He hadn't uttered a word to me yet, and I was a little surprised when he had. "How are you liking California?"

"It's..." I paused, not wanting to sound too enthusiastic about it, yet I didn't want him to think I hated it here. "It's nice. I just miss my best friend." I decided to answer him truthfully, but I had no idea why.

He nodded in understanding, and I was hoping he wouldn't press the issue, but he seemed interested. "How are you coping, then?" He asked quietly.

"Well," I sighed and glanced around; making sure no one was within earshot. "I'm not."

That was the most truthful thing I'd said in the whole three days I had been there, and I had no idea why I was spilling it to some guy I didn't even know. Something in his eyes though, they held understanding. I could tell he wasn't going to judge me by the way I act or the things I say.

I hadn't let myself think about her, or that she was really gone. She was everything to me, and I still hadn't been able to comprehend that she was never coming back.

Once again, he nodded. And he didn't say anything for quite a while, which made me nervous. Maybe I had misinterpreted him. What if he was only asking me to be polite, he probably I was just going to answer with the generic 'I'm fine' I'd been giving everyone else? Why do I always let loose at the worst of times?

My eyes snapped up to meet his when he began speaking again. "You can't heal unless you talk about it, Payton. And Matt's a better listener than you think he is."

We stared at each other for what seemed like forever, and through his eyes I could tell he wanted me to understand what he said so badly. "_It's ready!"_ Someone screamed at the top of their lungs, and I nearly fell of out my chair, startled. I was pretty sure I even saw some birds fly out of the neighbouring trees. "It's really, really ready!" I couldn't help but laugh as Jimmy shrieked and made a mad dash for the two picnic tables that had been set up to accommodate everyone.

Not even three minutes later, I was sitting down beside Val at one of the picnic tables. Gary, Kim, Amy, Herb, and Mary Lou sat across from us, and they all chattered amongst themselves. When they tried to get me into their conversation, I quickly squished all hopes and gave them one word answers.

Obnoxiously loud talking came from the table across from us, and then the distinct clattering of dishes. I looked back just as Johnny was walking along the poolside with several plates, heading toward the barbecue. Then I could almost see it happening in slow motion; he tripped up in his own, sandal-clad feet and it was almost as if he had flung himself forward, the plates he'd been clutching so tightly shattering on the poolside tile.

I couldn't help it. I broke down laughing, my shoulders heaving as I hid my face in my hands. "Johnny," Brian said through a laugh as he observed Johnny from several feet away. "You're such a fucking klutz!"

Soon, I sobered up and began feeling bad for him. It wasn't as if I hadn't done anything as klutz as that before, no, I done much, much worse. And I knew how he felt as he sulked and began picking at the remains of the plates before him. I got up, wiped my eyes, and told him I was going to get a broom to clean it up.

It took me a moment to find the broom and dustpan, because I had only been there a few days, but I winged it and eventually found it in the pantry which was placed above the stairs leading down to the basement. I hadn't even been down there yet. When Val showed me around, all she said was 'That's the basement' and moved on, so that led me to believe there wasn't much down there.

Johnny grinned and ruffled my hair when I got back with the cleaning utensils. "Thanks Toni." I scowled at the nickname he gave me and fixed my hair.

"See Matt," Johnny called as I swept the shards of what used to be plates into the dustpan he was holding. "Your kid's helpful; she definitely didn't get it from you!"

Matt just glanced over his shoulder at us before going back to laughing with the guys about it. I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help but let a few laughs out. If it were Tyler, I probably wouldn't have helped him and laughed like Matt had, but I was _trying_ to be nice now. And that meant helping out a friend, which I guess is what I considered Johnny, although we hadn't talked much so far. That was more than likely my fault, though. I couldn't exactly call myself a social butterfly.

Finally, after I'd helped Johnny dump everything in the trash, I was back in my original seat at the picnic table, except I was squished in between Matt and Val this time. Across from us, the guys continued to torture Johnny about his previous accident and the girls, who were sitting across from their guys, fleetingly attempted to get all of the guys to calm down.

Eventually, that accomplished itself as Matt got back up, along with Gary and some of the guys, and the food started going around. They were too busy stuffing their faces to have the time to terrorize Johnny.

I blinked as a plate filled with steak, a hamburger, baked potato, and a side of garden salad was placed in front of me. I looked up, and Matt was staring back down at me. Did he seriously think I could eat all of that? I didn't even think Tyler could eat that much, and he ate, _a lot._ "I can't eat all of this." I said, voicing my opinion out loud.

He shook his head as he sat back down next to me, and for a moment he almost looked uncomfortable. "Jimmy said you were," He coughed as he struggled to find the right words. "He said you were underweight."

Oh, I would just _love_ to hear how Jimmy actually worded that. "That doesn't change the fact that I can't eat all of this." Although I had lost a few pounds since mom's accident, it wasn't any great amount. I was simply always a scrawny kid, and I couldn't help it. It wouldn't even matter if I did eat all of this; my metabolism was just too high.

Sighing, he looked down at his own plate as if in disappointment. "Well I guess we're gonna be here for a while, 'cause I'm not letting you up 'til you do."

Okay – he just blew it. For a while, I had been considering at least _trying_ to eat all of it, at least for Jimmy's sake. I didn't want him worrying about me. But that stopped as soon as Matt started trying to tell me what to do, which, I would give him some credit, he hadn't done since before we left for California.

That was probably why I hadn't gotten into an argument with him yet. I just _could not_ stand anyone; I didn't care if it was Tyler or some random person on the street, trying to boss me around. Just, _no._ And especially when it came to Matt, because even though I was trying to get along with him, I still didn't think he had the right to actually act like a parent.

I didn't say anything as I ate the steak and the baked potato. Because that was how much I would normally eat, and truthfully, I was full. So I wasn't exactly lying when I told Matt I wasn't hungry anymore. I had tried unsuccessfully to get away from the table under the radar, but he turned around as soon he'd noticed any movement from me.

He didn't look fazed at all. I bet he was expecting me to say that. "C'mon, Payton. Just try."

There was no way in hell I was ever touching the contents of that plate again. I shook my head as I tried to get up again, but a hand clamped down on my shoulder. Finally, after having to look up, I saw that it was Brian smiling down at me. "What the hell, Brian?" I asked, nodding toward his hand on my shoulder for an explanation.

Gary was the only other person left at our table, and I cussed as he got up too, leaving me all alone with Brian and Matt. Wordlessly, Brian sat down next to me and pointed to my plate, his hand finally leaving my shoulder. "I said I was full." I hadn't even touched the burger or the salad yet, and while I knew I could probably get it down if I wanted to, I just had my heart set on not eating it.

This was Matt's fault. If he hadn't tried to tell me what to do, I may have finished it all off, no questions asked. But that was just how I was, if you told me to do something, I would go out of my way to do the exact opposite. Tyler had personal experience with that.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Matt frown at Brian. I rolled my eyes at his lack of patience. By then, Jimmy had twisted around in his seat to observe the situation. "This is your fault." I called as I pointed an accusing finger at him.

Of course, I wasn't really mad at him, because I knew he was just trying to look out for me. But did he really have to go and tell Matt? This was turning out to be much bigger than it had to be.

Jimmy simply grinned and got up from his table, walking the short distance to ours where he sat directly in front of me. "We've got all day, Payton."

From inside the house, I heard laughing and the sound of an acoustic guitar. I wanted to go inside and join everyone, which was an odd occurrence for me. Instead I was stuck outside with three intimidating men bent on me eating what was on the rest of my plate. Did I mention they were intimidating?

At that moment, I was cursing my shortness. Pretty much everyone (except Johnny) was at least a head over me. It made you feel pretty small, and well, helpless.

They weren't my mother. I couldn't just scoff and brush them off like I'd done with her so many times before. She let me do it mostly because she couldn't stop me, and I had a feeling that these guys _could._

One thing I was sure of though, was that I was more stubborn than all of them put together. "Oh, and by the way, I'm not 'underweight', _Jimmy."_ I glared and childishly stuck my tongue out at him. I wish I could say I was surprised when he did the same, but I would be lying.

Matt sighed. "Jimmy did this for your own good."

Ten minutes passed. Ten minutes of doing absolutely nothing felt like hours and apparently, I wasn't as good at this game as the guys were. Hell, they looked like they could stay there all day, while my leg was constantly jumping, and my fingers drummed the same rhythm on the tabletop. "Alright," I finally sighed, exasperated. "I'll," I couldn't believe I was about to say this, it was _so_ ridiculous. "I'll eat the stupid burger if it'll make you happy, Jimmy." I abruptly turned to face Matt. "But I'm not doing it because you told me to."

Matt laughed as he slid the plate toward me. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, kiddo."

Looking up at the sky, Brian raised his hands in the air. "Hallelujah!" I rolled my eyes, but nonetheless began eating the burger. I just wanted to get up from the table and away from these _lunatics._

"Wait, Mini-Me!" Jimmy shrieked as I got up from the table a few minutes later. I'd eaten every damn last bit of the hamburger and felt like I was going to throw up, but not because of the food. "You owe me a hug for making me wait so long!" I didn't reply – I honestly don't think he was expecting one. I just braced myself for the impact.

Sure enough, within two seconds, I was nearly knocked off of my feet as Jimmy practically squeezed the life out of me. I sighed once he set me down and turned toward Matt, who was leaning against the sliding doors. "Can we just go back in the house now? You make a big deal out of everything."

"We wouldn't have had to do that if you weren't just a bag of bones, Mini-Me." I gasped and turned around to glare at Jimmy as he poked my ribs.

"I'm _not_ underweight, Jimmy," I said as we walked through the kitchen, Matt and Brian ahead of us. "I just have a high metabolism."

Jimmy was about to reply when Gary and Kim met us halfway to the living room. "We're gonna head out, son." Gary said.

"It was so nice meeting you, Payton!" Kim exclaimed as she brought me into another hug. When she pulled back and Gary smiled at me, I instantly remembered what he had said to me.

I glanced from Matt to him and smiled nervously. _You can't heal unless you talk about it._ How right he was. I felt as if I was bursting with questions and feelings, I wanted to _talk_ so much. But each time I even thought about saying something, the words seemed to get clogged in my throat and they couldn't reach my lips.

_Matt's a better listener than you think he is._ Was he? I had no idea about that. I was scared about what he would say, the answers he might give me. What if I didn't like them? It would just make everything that much harder.

There was only one thing I could do; I had to phone Tyler. He would help me figure everything out, and he would have before if I hadn't _sort of_ kept some things from him. Like my non-existent relationship with Matt, for instance. I mean, sure, we talked a little over the past three days, but it was usually just about small things. Like what I did in my spare time, which, I also sort of lied about. Music consumes virtually all of my time, so I just said quickly picked something off of the top of my head, and I ended up saying I liked playing videogames. That wasn't _completely_ a lie, but I still felt a little bad about it.

I was thinking a mile a minute. _Just phone Tyler,_ he can sort everything out. "I'm—I'm gonna go to my room." I said shakily when I heard the front door shut, signalling that Kim and Gary had left.

Matt did a double take on me. "Are you okay?" He asked, his expression worried as he stepped closer, and I instantly took another step back. I must have looked like crap for him to ask how I was.

Nodding, I ran a hand through my hair and all but ran up the stairs, not waiting to see what he said.

_Just phone Tyler._


	11. Chapter Ten

Pacing doesn't do anything to help speed up time, especially when you're as confused as I was. If anything, it only slows it down. But walking around my bedroom as I impatiently waited for Tyler to pick up his phone, pacing was all that I seemed capable of.

I tried three times, and I was really wishing I'd get a new cell phone, or at least remember to change the service plans on my old clunker of a pre-paid cell phone so it would work here. I didn't text or even use it often, only when I couldn't reach Tyler on a landline. It wasn't as if I was illiterate when it came to that stuff, it was just that I always _could_ reach him at his house. Either that or he was with me, anyway.

A half an hour later was when I realized that pacing wouldn't do anything, and I collapsed onto my bed with a sigh. Yet another question was added to the list; where was Tyler? It would have been stupid of me to think that after I'd left he wouldn't hang out with his other friends more, but this was the first time I wasn't able to reach him at all and I was a little worried over it.

_Maybe he's on MSN._ With that thought, I was off my bed and at my desk in a split second, hurriedly signing back into my Messenger. My heart dropped when he wasn't on the 'online' list, and I was stumped. Eventually, I began swivelling around my chair and looking up at the ceiling at the same time.

Another half an hour passed and I figured I'd try his home phone again. "Hello?" My heart swelled with hope at the sound of Derek's voice, and I would've stayed to talk to him a little, but I needed to talk to Tyler before I could even think about that.

"Hey Derek," I tried my best to sound as not-stressed as possible. "Is Tyler there?"

"Ah no, sorry Patey. He's at uh... _Luke's_ house." His voice held confusion, probably because he had no idea who Luke was.

But I did. Luke was the school druggie, and as soon as I had heard his name in the same sentence with Tyler's, my heart dropped into my stomach for the second time that night. It took all of my brain power to form a coherent reply. "Oh—okay, I guess I'll try again later."

"Alright, talk ya' later P-Bear." I ignored his use of my most-hated nickname and replied with a jumbled goodbye before hanging up. I threw the phone on my bed and stared at it as if it were about to eat me.

Tyler _wouldn't_ go back on his promise, would he? No, of course he wouldn't. That was only something _I_ would do. But then again, what made me think that if I didn't keep my promise, that he would? That was the deal, after all.

_No,_ I was getting ahead of myself. I hadn't exactly broken mine yet, I had only been here for three days. And in those three days, Matt and I hadn't gotten into a single argument. That had to count for something, right? I hadn't even gone that long while I was with my mom without getting into one with her. Tyler would think I was doing well.

I forced myself to stop thinking completely at least about the big things. I was too overwhelmed. Everything was just so complicated. If I continued, I would have broken down in minutes. It had been a record so far, I hadn't cried in the three days I'd been there, and I _really_ wanted to keep that streak going.

To keep my thoughts from wandering to anything important, my eyes began scanning around the room, looking for something to do. I had played more Call of Duty and Nazi Zombies in the past three days than ever before, so my Xbox wasn't appealing at that moment.

The end of my guitar case could be seen jutting out from under my bed. It straight away caught my attention and my fingers began itching as soon as I caught sight of it. I hadn't played in since that night with Tyler. The thing was, I still didn't have an amp. Apparently it was still in the process of being freighted out.

_Whatever,_ I finally sighed, _I'll play without it._ It wasn't like I would if I had my amp anyway, if I still didn't want Matt knowing just how well I played. Once I made sure my door was locked, I took my guitar out and began playing random riffs, not being able to decide on what to play.

Writing a song had never really crossed my mind before. I was happy with just jamming along with Tyler. But now that I was by myself, all alone with my guitar, I found myself creating a melody before I even knew what I was doing.

Before, I actually thought I was _incapable_ of writing a song. I actually thought the task of writing an entire song, with lyrics, was quite intimidating. But it was just coming to me so naturally, I couldn't stop myself. I began humming along with it softly, but not attempting to form lyrics, yet. I would just focus on the guitar part, but I knew there were lyrics forming _somewhere,_ so I wasn't really worried about it.

It seemed like only minutes had passed when I check the clock on my nightstand, and my eyes bugged at the time. It had been hours, the minutes inching closer and closer to midnight. I had to admit to, I was proud of the song I'd just written. It was slow yet powerful, and had a kickass solo. And as much as I still found it intimidating, I couldn't wait to get started on the lyrics.

When I let out a yawn, I realized just how tired I was and sighed as I put my guitar back in its case and went back over to my laptop, checking one more time to see if Tyler was online. I knew that was a long shot though, as it was at least four AM back home.

I was right, he wasn't online as I'd been suspecting and I obviously couldn't phone his house. So I finally came to the realization that I wasn't going to get the chance to talk to him that night. I unlocked my door and placed my guitar back under my bed, the melody was still stuck in my head and I was still humming to it. However, I would take that over being worried out of my mind about Tyler.

Finally, I settled on going to sleep and changed into an oversized Metallica t-shirt and some boxers. Sleeping through the wait to talk to Tyler would be much easier than staying up with all these things on my mind.

"Mini-Me! Wake the fuck up!"

That was what I woke up to, Jimmy screaming it _right in my ear._ I groaned and rolled over, trying to get as far away from him but still be in bed. Did he _ever_ go home? It couldn't have been any later than ten AM. "Some dude named Tyler's on the phone for you!" He said in a sing song voice, still right next to my head.

At hearing that, I was up, snatching the phone from him and shooing him out the door in seconds. "Hey Ty!" I said, trying my best to sound awake.

"Well _geez!_ I can see when I'm not wanted!" Jimmy yelled in a huff through my door, and I heard his fast, heavy footsteps retreating down the hall. I couldn't help but smile at his fake-hurt.

"Sup P?" He asked immediately, already sensing something was wrong.

The smile instantly dropped as I remembered _why_ I was so desperate to get in touch with him, and why I couldn't at all. "I called your house last night and your dad said you were out with Luke." I stated, worry in my tone.

"Relax, Payton. I swear I wasn't doing anything like that with him."

"You sure about that?" I asked apprehensively, not sure whether I should believe him. I moved away from my door and sat in my computer chair, staring up at the ceiling.

"Yep, that'd be breaking my promise, wouldn't it P? You know I wouldn't do that right?" There wasn't even a hint of hesitation or nervousness in his voice, so I took it as the truth, and I began feeling bad for doubting him.

"I know that, Tina. I was just making sure."

"Now tell me what's wrong." He said, and I let out a groan. I had no idea how to even begin telling him about all the crap that was going through my head.

"I've never been so confused in my entire life, Ty." I finally said after a few moments, already feeling better just by saying that.

"I'm guessing this is about your dad," He started, and I could hear the confusion in his voice. I mentally cussed myself out for not telling him about anything up until then.

"I'm just—I don't know how to act around him, if I should be nice, or how to even start a conversation with him. Things are just so awkward. And there are _so_ many questions I need to ask him, Ty. And I have _no_ clue on how to ask him."

"Awe, Patey." He sighed. "I wish I was there with you. Just sit him down and talk to him alone. You'd be surprised by how nice he is, and I _know_ he's just dying to talk to you."

"How do you know that?" I sighed and closed my eyes. "How do you know he's if he's nice or not? And if he wants to talk to me? He probably doesn't even want me here. I bet he just felt obligated to take me in or something."

"Well, I, uh... you know, Payton he's your dad and everything. It's pretty obvious that he's nice."

I grew suspicious. He sounded nervous. And he was only nervous when he was lying or when he did something he knew was wrong. "What," I started, not knowing what he could have possible done. "What the fuck did you do, Tyler?"

"It was nothing, Payton. I just talked to him on the phone for a while and on MSN. Poor guy's just as you--"

"Why in sweet fuck would you do something like that?!" I cut him off and completely blew up at him. Why would he go behind my back and not tell me he was talking to Matt?

Everything was all beginning to click together. Matt had been on my MSN talking to Tyler. _That_ was my MSN conversation with him was gone when I got back up stairs. And what made it worse was Matt lied about it himself, so they _must_ have been talking about something I wouldn't want them talking about.

"I'm sorry, Payton! He's just really worried about you!" He was growing defensive, which was something I wasn't expecting. "All we're trying to do is help you get through this."

As I was about to reply, I heard a knock on my door. "We're gonna talk about this later." I growled into the phone before hanging up on him. I cussed as I went back over to the door.

_Well, today's off to a wonderful start._ I thought sarcastically, but my thoughts grew much darker when I saw who was at the door. "Why did Brian say you were gone to get beer yesterday when you weren't?" I asked calmly, giving him another chance to confess.

If he owned up, it wouldn't be as bad. _But no._ All he did was shrug and smile, looking almost lost as to why I was asking him again.

Amazingly, I somehow kept my cool, but my tone grew accusing. "Why the fuck were you in my room last night?" I asked, letting him know that I _knew_ what he had been doing.

Leaning against the doorframe, he stared at me for a few moments, trying to gauge just how pissed off I was. He didn't look surprised at all. "Payton," He finally sighed, "All we're trying to do is help you."

"What gives you the right to snoop in my shit, huh?" I yelled, crossing my arms over my chest. "What makes you think that you can talk to my best friend about me behind my back?!"

I could tell he was quickly losing his patience, and I tried to move around him so I could leave. I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I'd didn't need to hear anything else. Before I could stop him he made his way into my room and shut the door, standing in front of it so I could get through. "What else did you expect me to do? I know you've only been here for a few days, but I don't know what to do to get you to open up to me!"

_Open up to him?_ Was he insane? Couldn't he tell that I was practically bursting with questions? How stupid could he have been not to be able to tell?

"Well, _hmm!_ You could have talked to _me _instead of my best fucking friend!" I backed up when he took a step forward, I didn't like him being so close and having to look up that far to meet his eyes.

"Every time I try to talk to you, you just brush me off or give me a one word answer!" I scoffed, he certainly could have tried a little harder.

Pushing past him, I was out the door before he could even blink. I _couldn't_ handle it anymore, and I couldn't handle staying the same room as him. I picked up my pace when I heard his fast footsteps trailing behind me. "Just leave me the fuck alone, Matt!" I yelled, still keeping the same pace.

"See, like that," Once we got to the stair case I whipped around to glare at him. He gestured toward me. "You're doing it again!"

Leana and Jimmy poked their heads out from behind the archway that led to the living room, but I paid no attention to them. I was in a beyond pissed, and it took everything in me to stop myself from lashing out at Matt. My voice became cold. "In case you forgot, my mother _died_ three weeks ago. I haven't even known you for a full week!" His eyes softened considerably, but he still looked determined about something I didn't know about. "I was ripped away from everyone and everything I know and love, Matt. What else can you fucking expect?"

He sighed and ran a hand down his face before locking his eyes with mine. "I'm sorry, Payton."

"_No,_ sorry doesn't fucking work for me." I turned on my heel and began to make my way back to my room. Tears were about to fall at any moment, and it would make it that much worse if Matt, and Jimmy and Leana saw me crying. I stiffened and when he put a hand on my shoulder, stopping me from going back to my room.

"We're gonna talk this out, Payton." That was what he was determined about. There was no way I could talk to him then, the questions I wanted to ask didn't even matter at that moment. I just needed to get back to my room before I broke something or they saw that I was crying. I couldn't contain my tears and they were freely streaming down my face, which meant I couldn't turn to face Matt.

Quickly shrugging out of his grip, I took off before he could stop me, heading straight for my room. I slammed my door shut and locked it, then whirled around to stare blankly at my room. I _needed_ to break something.

"Please open the door Payton, I'm sorry," I jumped at the sound of Matt's voice behind my door, he must have been right behind me. "Come on, please Payton? I just wanna talk."

Ignoring him, I held my face in my hands. Everything was just too much. I wanted to talk, yet I didn't. I was mad at him, yet I wanted to forgive him. I was angry with Tyler. I was angry with _everything._ I didn't know what to do, I wanted to tell him to go away but I didn't trust my voice. "Payton, just open the door!"

"Just--" I tried to conceal the sobs, but I didn't care anymore. It wasn't as if he could actually see me or confront me from behind the door. "Just go the fuck away, Matt!"

After a few moments of silence, I heard a long, exasperated sigh and his footsteps retreating back down the hall. I let out the breath I'd been holding and let myself completely break down. Still holding my face in my hands, I walked across my room, not knowing why I was, but just feeling like I had to keep moving.

My breathing was ragged, and I can't remember the last time I'd had so many mixed emotions at the same time. In a blind rage, my hand reached out and knocked something over on my desk. Honestly, I didn't even realize what I did until it was done, and I heard the familiar sound of glass and ceramic shattering. I shuddered at the sound and clenched my jaw, too scared to look at what I had broken.

Mainly because I _knew_ what it was, and I didn't want to actually look at it and realize what I had done. Finally, I let out a sigh and peaked at it through my fingers. My favourite picture of my mother and I lay on the floor, the ceramic frame we'd decorated together completely shattered. Frantically, I dropped to my knees, not even trying to stop the tears anymore as I attempted to salvage something from it. I carefully picked the picture up and dusted it off before hugging it too my chest.

Kneeling over the broken frame, I let out soundless sobs as I clutched the picture tighter to my chest with each broken sob I emitted. That was the only memory of her I had brought with me and I destroyed it. Why was I so stupid? Why couldn't I control my anger? Why couldn't I have just let Matt in my room, why couldn't I _forgive_ anyone? I regretted blowing up at Tyler; I knew he was only trying to help me keep my promise with Matt.

I wanted to desperately to travel back in time, warn my mother about her car. She would still be here today if I weren't so forgetful. I would still be back home with Tyler and I would be completely oblivious to Matt being my father.

But I wasn't, and things would never be the same. I'd lost my mother and my entire life as I knew it and I didn't know how to deal with the new one I'd been given. I didn't know how to deal with new relationships; I didn't know how to deal with all of these foreign feelings. Part of me didn't even _want_ to.

Life was throwing punches at me, and I didn't know if I was strong enough to recover from them. I had no one to talk to, I had no one to hug and no one to tell me that everything was going to be okay, and it was all my fault.

3


	12. Chapter Eleven

Two weeks.

Fourteen days, one hundred and sixty eight hours. Ten thousand and eighty minutes. Doesn't really seem like _too_ much, does it? I suppose to someone else it wouldn't be all that hard to get through, but each stroke of the second hand seemed to drag out into hours for me.

All because I didn't _know_ how to deal with anything. I couldn't express any emotion, I hadn't touched my guitar or so much as even laid my eyes on it since I last spoke with Tyler on the phone all those days ago. In the span of the last few weeks, I essentially threw my promise to him out the window.

I couldn't remember having a civil conversation with Matt, seeing as I had reverted back to giving him one-worded answers like I had when I first met him. Some of the time I didn't even give him that. Don't get me wrong, I didn't _want_ to act like that, what with my promise to Tyler constantly looming over me, but I felt sort of betrayed. And then, at the same time, I felt like I was overreacting.

Sure, it was probably wrong of him and Tyler to go behind my back to _talk_ about me, but I could see that there were good intentions behind it. Why else would they go out of their way and do that? They wanted to _help_ me, but it was as if I was inadvertently doing everything I could to push them away.

Over the past few weeks, I'd basically become a hermit, only coming out of my room when I absolutely _had_ to. I had so many mixed emotions about Matt, that when I went back up to my room after being downstairs for a while, I often had a headache. I just felt like I was incapable of sorting this mess out by myself.

My best friend was like my other half, and I hated it when I disappointed him. And that was exactly what I was doing; I'd gone back on my promise and made everything so much worse. I knew I had to phone him sometime, because after all, he _was_ Tyler. I knew he would forgive me. But his opinion was one of the very few that I actually cared about. I didn't want him to know about how I was treating Matt and everyone else, and the fact that I didn't want him to made me feel that much worse.

Beside my mother, he was my only confidant. The only one I could ever really _talk_ to. And there I was, not able to say I was sorry and that I messed up? It wouldn't be so hard normally, but this was the most difficult thing I'd ever gone through. I felt truly alone, yet I had so many people around me able and willing to help me. To actually listen and talk to me. Yet I was too stubborn to go to them.

As I leaving my bathroom, fresh out of the shower, fully clothed and hair done, I guess I was too busy thinking to notice Jimmy sitting on my bed. I just about jumped out of my skin when he spoke. "Mini, you have to be the most stubborn person I have ever met." He said, staring directly at me as he clasped his hands together on his lap. "You, you're coming downstairs with me and you and Matt are gonna make up, then we're gonna go play paintball."

The way he said it held no room for argument, but I sighed and collapsed on the other side of my bed, burying my face into my pillow. "It's not that easy, Jimmy."

He snorted at my reply. "And why not?" His tone was still demanding, but softer and almost understanding.

"Because—because," I let out a shaky breath and kept my head pressed into my pillow. "I broke a promise." Several moments passed, and I almost thought he had left, so I sat up in bed, but he was still there, staring at me.

"Is it too late, Payton? To try and fix it?" He asked, his tone this time much more gentle.

I was about to say yes, but I didn't want to disappoint Jimmy, too. That would surely be the cherry on top of the past few weeks. So I gave it a little thought and eventually sighed, looking down and tracing the patterns in my comforter with my index finger. As much as I wanted to say yes, I knew I would be lying. There was always time left to at least _try_, wasn't there? There wasn't much more harm that could have been done, and the least I could do was attempt to fix the mess I had made. I hesitantly shook my head. "No, it's not."

Grinning, he reached over and ruffled my hair, to which I glared at him in return, but a small smile still played on my lips as I fixed it. "See, Mini?" What was that, a nickname for a nickname? "I knew you could do it. Come on, let's go!" He stood up and began gesturing dramatically toward my door.

My eyes widened as I began to panic. _Right now?_ Couldn't he at least give me a few minutes so I could think of _something_ to say to Matt? Letting out a heavy sigh, his shoulders drooped as he stared at me tiredly. "Come on Mini, he doesn't expect some huge elaborate apology. He doesn't even expect one at all."

Still, I shook my head. "Mini, if I have to carry you over my shoulder again, I can't promise that you won't be taking another dive into the pool." I gasped playfully at his threat as he lunged at me, and moments later I found myself bolting out of my room, Jimmy hot on my heels.

Taking the stairs two at a time, I honestly didn't know how I managed not trip at the speed I was going. But the thought of getting my favourite shirt wet and having to do my hair all over again somehow made me almost glide down over the stairs, and straight into the living room. I leaped onto one of the sofas and clung onto it for what seemed like dear life. I looked around, frantic to find something that could deter Jimmy, but I found all of the Avenged guys, including Matt, staring at either me or Jimmy with an amused expression. I looked down, feeling the heat of a blush creep onto my face.

Standing up straight, Jimmy grinned before giving Matt a salute. "Mission accomplished, Captain!"

I rolled my eyes and leaned back into my seat, trying to catch my breath. I heard Jimmy laugh as he plopped himself down on the loveseat next to Johnny. "_Someone's_ out of shape."

"Psh, yeah right. Every step you take, I have to take four!" I said in exasperation, finally calming down.

Nervously glancing between Jimmy and Matt, I tried to keep my uneasiness down. Ugh, why couldn't someone just break the ice already? Matt looked over the moon just to see me downstairs, though, so I took that as a good sign. Maybe this wouldn't go over so badly after all.

Multiple voices floated into the room from the stairs, and I noticed several bags on the floor when I glanced out toward the foyer. Sure enough, Val, Lacey, Leana, Gena and Michelle came into view just a few moments later. They all grinned when they saw me on the same sofa as Matt, and they all looked thoroughly surprised. _Probably because I had been avoiding him like the plague for the past two weeks._

"Hey Payton," Val said, the wide smile still gracing her features. She focused on Matt, and I was sure her smile grew even bigger. "We're heading out now, babe."

All of the guys got up and began hugging their respective girl goodbye. I smiled and waved once they were heading out the door, thoroughly confused, but I figured someone would realize that I was clueless as to where they were going and fill me in.

"They're having a girl's weekend out." Brian said when he came back in, collapsing onto the sofa across from me as he wiggled his eyebrows. "To _Las Vegas."_

I couldn't say I felt put out because they hadn't invited me, because I would've declined, and that would have just been awkward. I tensed, but tried to relax as much as much as possible when Matt sat down beside me. "So, you up for a couple rounds of paintball, Payton?" He asked.

Was he seriously just going to act like nothing happened? I _could not_ deal with that. I _had_ to talk to them, or I was sure my head would explode in confusion. Even so, I nodded and smiled, mildly excited about where we were going. I had played paintball with Tyler quite a few times before, but just thinking about him made my heart and head hurt.

But I was fixing this, wasn't I? I honestly couldn't believe that I was even down here, _talking_ with Matt. That had to mean something. At least then, whenever I worked up enough courage to phone Tyler I could bring him some small form of good news.

"You might wanna get a hoodie, then," Matt said as everyone began to get up again, and I nodded before going back up to my room, grabbing a plain black hoodie and hauling on some Chuck Taylor's while I was up there. I stopped in front of my door just as I was about to open it and let out a deep breath, glancing over at the picture on my desk I'd broken exactly two weeks ago.

It was still frameless. I just couldn't bring myself to get a new one, I still felt horrible about smashing the original one, the one my mother and I had worked so hard on.

I blinked the tears back and sucked in another deep breath before opening my door, jogging down the hall and down the stairs. Things were going a little better, and I didn't want to get myself down again. Matt grinned once he saw me in the foyer, his keys held in one hand. "All the guys are waiting in the cars."

When we got outside, Matt's SUV and another were parked side by side in the driveway, Brian and Johnny waved from the front seat of the one I hadn't been in before. I raised my eyebrows at them, but Matt gestured for me to follow him to his, so I didn't ask why we were taking two cars.

Seeing no one in the front seat, I hopped in. "Mini!" I jumped when someone kicked the back of my seat, and turned to playfully glare at Jimmy, who only smiled innocently. "It's gonna be _so_ much fun! You're gonna be on my team, okay?"

"Sure." I smiled, noticing he was the only other person in the car with us as Matt backed out of the driveway. I was grateful that he hadn't gone with the others; I was betting it would have been awkward with just Matt and me in the car.

The drive to the paintball range was long and uneventful, with Matt getting frustrated with all of the traffic. Twenty minutes into the drive, I rested my head against the window, feeling a little tired.

I woke up to Jimmy laughing his usual insane laugh, and a very pissed off Matt. I looked at both of them warily. "Shut the fuck _up_, Jimmy!" Matt said, gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.

"Ugh, you're _such_ a shitty driver, Matt!" Jimmy yelled in a high pitched, nasally voice, still laughing. I glanced out the window, and noticed that Matt was trying to squeeze into a compact parking space with his not-so compact SUV. I couldn't help but laugh, I'd never seen Matt so frustrated before and the fact that Jimmy was laughing made it that much funnier.

Finally, after more cussing and laughing, Matt stopped the car and Jimmy swung his door open, running toward the direction of where Brian had parked the other car.

Smiling, I got out and waited for Matt. I looked up at the ticket booth from across the parking lot, the sign above it reading 'Hollywood Sports Paintball Park' and grinned, the place looked huge and awesome. Brian strolled up to us as we made it half-way across the parking lot, a smirk plastered across his face.

"Have fun parking?" He asked, trying to hold back a laugh. I could tell Matt was glaring at him through his aviators.

"Whatever, you know I hate parking in places like that." Matt muttered as we stepped onto the sidewalk, the rest of the guys were already at the ticket booth.

"Well it's not my fault you can't parallel park!" The two continued bickering back and forth until it was our turn at the booth. Seeing as I was new and the guys weren't, I had to sign a waiver and Matt had to give me parental permission.

I loved how easy things were then. I was relaxed around everyone and no one was always on edge about how I was going to react to things, everyone just couldn't stop smiling that I was actually willingly around Matt. Especially Jimmy, and I was happy that I hadn't disappointed him. All I had to do then was find a way to patch things up with Tyler, and things would be as okay as they were before this whole mess had been created.

"Nuh uh, they're for pansies!" Jimmy's voice brought me back to reality, and he was pointing somewhat childishly toward the protective vest Matt had held in his hand.

Matt rolled his eyes and turned toward me, his hand outstretched for me to take the vest. I glanced around at the rest of the guys, and they weren't wearing one either. Not wanting to be the odd one out, I shook my head and zipped my jumpsuit up. "You sure?" He asked worriedly, and I realized why he'd wanted me to wear a hoodie. I wouldn't get as bruised as I normally would have. Sighing, he tossed the vest back onto the table.

Having always worn a hoodie under the rest of my gear before (because, let's face it, it _does_ hurt), I didn't have too much of a problem with it. Although, I was tempted to take it off just because Matt wanted me to wear one.

Johnny smiled once everyone had their markers and all of the rest of their gear ready. "So, where are we going and what are we playing first?"

"Mad Max, Mad Max goddamnit! _Cops and robbers!_" Jimmy burst out, jumping on the balls of his feet.

"What do you think, Peanut?" Brian asked, and I scoffed at the new nickname. _How many did they have for me?_

Nonetheless, I glanced down at the map that Johnny held in his hands. There were four different areas we could play in; Apocalypse, Lunar Wars, Forbidden City, and the one Jimmy was so anxious to play in, Mad Max. I had to admit, the Mad Max field looked the coolest out them all, and so I pointed to that one and agreed with Jimmy.

After everyone agreed on Cops and Robbers, and the 'Team Marshall' gave us some instructions that I didn't listen to, we were set loose onto the field. Jimmy and Brian were on my team, while Matt was with Zacky and Johnny. I couldn't help but smirk under my mask; the guys didn't know just how good I was at this game.

--

We'd been playing for hours, and I was exhausted. I was covered in paint, but that was the least of my worries. Once the guys had learned that I was better than they thought, they didn't go easy on me. We were playing a different game by then, which was called 'Protect the President'. I'd never played it before, so the guys had to briefly explain the concept of the game to me. Basically, one person was the 'President', and he had so many bodyguards, and there were one or two assassins. Brian and I were the latter. And guess who the president was? _Matt._

I was_ so_ going to have fun with that. Brian was hiding behind a scrapped van; while I had managed to hoist myself up into the roof of a metal structure. There were barrels lining the edge of the rooftop, and I had myself wedged behind two, sitting back just enough so I wasn't visible through them.

I had to hold back a laugh as I saw Zacky, Johnny and Jimmy, who were Matt's bodyguards, check each building and look behind everything little thing as they passed, but failed to scan the rooftops. The tower that they were heading for was just ahead of us, and if I didn't tag Matt soon, it would be game over for Brian and I. And this was the final round of the last game, so this was the one that really counted; this was the one that they would remember.

What really got me was that they were oblivious to me up on that rooftop, just a few yards away from me. If it were me down there, the rooftops would have been one of the first places I'd have checked. My heart lurched when I saw Matt coming around the corner, keeping to the left side of the makeshift road. _In plain view._

My finger rested anxiously on the trigger, waiting for just the right moment. I had to be fast because for all I knew I could have been visible at an angle I hadn't thought of. I stole a glance over at Brian, who could just barely see me from his place behind the van. He gave me the signal to go ahead. I held my breath and tried to steady my aim. I only had three paintballs left, which was only another reason why I couldn't screw this up.

One paintball hit him in the center of his back, and he whirled around as soon as he heard the distinguished 'pop' of my paintball marker. The final, last two get him around his ribs. He still spun around, frantically looking for the source of the paintballs. I laughed as I stood up from behind the barrels. "Your bodyguards are shit, Matt!"

As soon as Brian heard me talking, he was out from behind the van and bounding toward me, all the while cheering. "Yes, Payton! You did it!" Once he got to where I was, he held his arms out to catch me.

The drop from the roof wasn't that much, so I hopped over the barrels I'd been hiding behind and carefully steadied myself on the edge of the rooftop before letting myself drop into Brian's arms. I laughed as we high-fived after he set me on my feet, I took my face mask off when I saw everyone heading over our way.

All of the guys laughed and congratulated Brian and I on the win, while I couldn't stop grinning. But what happened next, I wasn't expecting, and I didn't know how to react when Matt pulled me into a hug. "Good job, kid." I could hear the smile in his voice.

Saying I was shocked would be one of the biggest understatement of my lifetime. But, even through all of the excitement, I remembered that I was _trying_ to fix things, and I think that if I pulled away, that would have set my relationship with Matt back at least a few steps. So, I relaxed into his hug and hesitantly wrapped my arms around him, telling myself that if Tyler didn't see _that_ as progress, all hope on giving Matt a chance would be lost.

"You're gonna be on our team next time, Payton." Zacky said as we were putting all of our gear back. He gestured between himself and Johnny, who nodded in agreement.

"What, am I not good enough for you?" Matt demanded after I handed him my marker, pretending to be hurt as he put his hands on his hips. I was still smiling; I felt much better then. I'd gotten a lot of aggression that had been built up over the past few weeks and I was considerably more relaxed.

I wasn't as tense, and all of my problems didn't seem so big and unsolvable anymore. Except for my impending conversation with Tyler; I had no idea what I was going to say to him. I didn't even know when I was going to call him, but I had a feeling it would be soon. It _had_ to be soon, I couldn't put it off much longer. This was the longest we'd ever gone without talking to each other, and easily our most serious fight.

Was it a fight, though? I had done most of the yelling, and of course he was going to get defensive over it. Because he was trying to help me, he just went about it in a bad way.

On the way out, I noticed Jimmy trying to discreetly nudge Matt, who nodded slightly. But I'd been trailing behind them, and I noticed the exchange right away. I rolled my eyes at their obviousness, but didn't say anything about it. When we got onto the sidewalk by the parking lot, they both turned around. "I'm afraid this is where I leave you, Mini!" Jimmy stepped forward and draped his arms around me, pretending to be broken up.

Matt noticed my skeptical look. "I figured I'd get you a new cell phone, so you wouldn't have to be calling your friend with the house phone all of the time." He said once Jimmy pulled away.

No, _that_ wasn't a hint. I didn't even think he knew that Tyler and I still weren't talking. However, he probably could have guessed that just from the way I had been acting over the last two weeks.

"I'm gonna miss you _so_ much, Payton!" Jimmy looked like he was on the verge of tears, before he turned around and bolted across the parking lot. "I'm driving, you guys!" He hollered back to us, and seconds later a car door could be heard slamming shut.

Brian, Zacky and Johnny looked utterly horrified once they heard that, and quickly took off after him. Matt simply laughed and took his keys out of his pocket as he made his way over to the SUV. I paused, finally coming to the realization that Jimmy wouldn't be riding with us this time, and I would be alone with Matt.

It was so obvious that they had planned this, and I knew that Matt would more than likely want to talk on the way to wherever we were going to get me a new phone. _Which, by the way, I hadn't even been given a choice on whether I even wanted one or not. _

Noticing that Matt was halfway to the SUV and I was still standing on the sidewalk, I hurried to catch up with him. An awkward silence filled the car once we got in, and I was a ball of nerves. I didn't know what he wanted to talk about, but it would more than likely pertain to me 'opening up to him', and I didn't know if I was ready to do that.

So many things were racing through my mind, there were so many things I wanted to say, and this was my chance to do it. Ten minutes had passed, and Matt had pulled onto a highway. The words were _right there_, I just had to open my mouth and pray that they came out right. "I'm sorry!" I quickly blurted, and immediately began mentally scolding myself. That was _not_ what I wanted to say.


	13. Chapter Twelve

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He said with a sigh after a few moments had passed. Yes, I was sorry I had been ignoring his for the past two weeks, but I didn't want to admit that out loud, and I was thankful that he had said that, so I didn't have to explain myself. He glanced over at me before focusing back on the road.

Slowly, I kept my gaze on him as I nodded, unsure of what to say next. _I really should have thought this through a little more._

"Really Payton, you reacted how anyone would. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm just," He paused and gave me another quick look. "_We're_ worried about you. Everyone is."

"It's—it's okay," I _think _that was what he wanted me to say. I stopped and paused again. This was the perfect time to ask him, that was what he wanted. He wanted me to talk to him. It was just the right time, we were in the car alone, and he was basically begging me to open up to him. My chance to finally ask all of the questions that I had been dying to know.

But then Matt parked.

I wanted to groan and throw my head back against the seat, and Matt smiled over at me, his keys held loosely in his hand. But his eyes held a certain look of disappointment. I tore my eyes away from his and looked past him, not being able to hold his gaze for anymore than a second. _I'd just blown my one shot at talking to him._

We were across the street from an AT&T store, and as soon as I saw the sign I began getting out of the car, Matt quickly following as we crossed the street. I just had to get out of the car, because if I said anything then, it would be rushed, and I _couldn't_ rush it. When we got into the store, I let Matt lead, seeing as I didn't really know where to go.

A middle aged man smiled at us from behind the desk at the back of the store, but let us browse around. I let Matt wander off while I scanned past all of the phones, looking for one that caught my eye. I looked up when I heard talking, and I saw that Matt was talking to the guy behind the desk.

Nothing had gotten my attention, and I sighed before joining Matt at the counter. I didn't even really care what kind of phone I got, it was like I was going to use it all the time. Hell, I wouldn't have even cared if I just kept my old one and got a new service plan for it.

"See anything you like?" Matt asked after he was finished talking with the man, who, from looking at his nametag, I figured out was named Daryl. I just shrugged, looking defeated. He turned back toward Daryl. "She'll have an iPhone."

"Matt," I started, having an idea of just how much they cost, and I didn't want him spending that much on a stupid phone for me. "Seriously, I don't need an iPhone--"

I raised my eyebrows when he held up his hand to cut me off, and continued talking to Daryl as if he hadn't even heard me. Pouting, I crossed my arms and glared at the floor. _Fine, if he was going to be like that, he could waste his money on whatever he wanted._

"If you think _that_ was too much money to spend on something, just wait 'til the girls take you on a shopping spree." Matt laughed as we exited the store, my new acquired iPhone in my hand. I visibly gulped, and Matt continued to laugh at my stricken expression as we got back into the SUV. I couldn't' t help but smile, it felt nice to be so care free, even if it was just for a little while.

The ride back to the house was silent, at least for the first half, but Matt began throwing his worried glances over at me again, and I knew he wanted to talk. Sighing, I laid my phone in my lap and looked back at him, trying not to be annoyed with how he worried over me so much. After all, I couldn't say that it wasn't my fault for his worrying, because I wouldn't open up to him.

He quickly noticed that I wasn't playing with my phone anymore and smiled, almost apprehensively. "So," He started, sounding hesitant and kept his eyes on the road. "You gonna phone Tyler when you get home?"

I swallowed, not expecting him to say that, and for it to be so _blunt._ "Uh--" I honestly didn't know if I was. I was scared of what he would say, what if things had changed over the last few weeks, what if he _didn't_ forgive me? What if I completely blew it this time? "I—I guess." I finally muttered and leaned my head against the window.

He smiled again, I was betting he was going to hold me to it. "Alright," He said, and I was surprised to find that we were now on our street, just before the driveway. I was expecting it to take much longer to get home, just because of how long the drive to the paintball park had been. "Well, once you're finished with that, come back downstairs, okay?"

"Okay." I mumbled, beginning to panic once we got out of the SUV. I was _really_ going to phone Tyler, and I was going to face hearing the disappointment in his voice. I just hoped I could handle it. When I got my shoes off in the foyer, it was almost shocking. The house was eerily quiet, and I remembered that Val wasn't here to greet us, but I couldn't help but wonder where the guys were.

"I think everyone's hanging out at Jimmy's for a change." Matt said, answering my unasked question. Silently, I nodded, realizing that this was the first time in weeks that I had been completely alone with Matt.

Quickly, I climbed the stairs and went into my room, because if I didn't, Matt would more than likely pressure me into it. And I didn't get by well under pressure, I liked doing things on my own time so I had more of a chance at getting it right.

Matt and I _were_ on better terms. I felt like I didn't have a reason NOT to contact Tyler, and that I'd just be letting him down even more if I put it off any longer. This was the longest we had gone without speaking to each other, and I was worried that he wouldn't even want to talk to me at all. What if he never wanted to talk to me ever again? My hands shook as I clutched my iPhone in my hand and sat on my bed, staring down at it for a few minutes.

Finally, I hurriedly dialled Tyler's number, not giving myself anymore time to think about it. I chose to phone his cell, as I knew if Derek or Melissa answered the home phone, they would ask why I hadn't called in such a long time. I just couldn't deal with that yet, I had to make up with Tyler first. That was my number one priority and everything else could wait.

"Hello?" My hearted thudded in my ears as I heard his voice for the first time in weeks, and I completely froze, my phone still held to my ear. I was relieved by just hearing his voice. "Hello?" He repeated, and I heard shuffling in the background. "Uh... yeah, I'm gonna hang up now."

"—Wait!" I finally gasped out, and I smacked my forehead, I could have said something so much better.

"_Payton?_ Is that you?" He sounded as if he couldn't believe it was me on the other end, and I smiled in relief. As shocked as he sounded, he also sounded almost _hopeful._

"Yeah Ty, it's me." I replied after I let a few moments pass.

"Oh my god, Payton I am _so_ sorry, I just—I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how you were doing, and Matt he's just really--"

"Tyler," I said, trying to grab his attention but he continued his endless rambling. I was still in shock, he was actually sorry? I hadn't expected that, but it _was_ Tyler. "_Tyler!"_ I said loudly, and I was thankful when there was silence on the other end.

"Listen, Ty, I'm sorry. I overreacted. Just say you forgive me, I can't stand not talking to you anymore." There was more silence on the other end, and I was almost scared that he had hung up. "Tina? You still there?"

"Are you _crazy?" _He asked, frustration clear in his voice. "You don't—I'm the one who should be asking _you_ to forgive _me!"_

He'd never been so mad at me before, and I never expecting it to be over something like who was to blame. "Look," I sighed and laid back on my bed. "We both fucked up, okay? Can we just forget about it?"

Honestly, I was expecting a completely different reaction. He didn't sound disappointed in me, if anything he sounded remorseful. While I would admit that he didn't do the right thing, I didn't believe that he should have been _that_ apologetic. But that was just Tyler, he had too big of a heart. He just wanted everyone to get along.

"Alright, alright," He said, and relief almost instantaneously washed over me. I was overjoyed to have that conversation over with, and quickly carried on to another subject, not wanting to give him any time to think he was still at fault.

"So what have you been up to for the past few weeks?" I asked, genuinely interested.

I heard the smile in his voice and I knew that he had figured out I'd changed the subject. "Oh, not much, I started school and stuff. Been hanging out with Luke a little bit."

"_Tina!" _I gasped, immediately thinking the worst and bolted up right in bed, my free hand covering my mouth.

"None of that, P, I promise. I swear we just hung out."

"Good," I let out the breath I'd been holding and leaned back against my bed again. "Cause if you were, I swear I'd be on the plane _so _fast, Tina. And I'd totally kick your ass, and Luke's too."

He laughed, I could tell just from the sound of it that he wasn't lying about anything. I didn't have any right to suspect anything, anyway. "What about you? What have you been doing?"

"I just got back from playing paintball with the guys, and Matt bought me a new iPhone, which is what I'm calling you on." I answered, now relaxed because we were on an easy topic.

"So you're getting along? You're not mad at him?"

"No, I'm not mad at him. Not anymore at least." We talked for a few more minutes, about nothing and everything at the same time. Although we weren't talking about anything too important, I felt that we needed to talk like this and not worry about anything. I didn't know how I made it the past few weeks without having one of those conversations with him.

After we said goodbye, I stayed on my bed for a few more minutes, just staring up at the ceiling, deep in thought. Things finally seemed like they were getting better, and I felt as content as I could be. After all, Matt and I weren't at each other's throats, and Tyler and I were best friends again. Everything would be perfect if I just had my mother back.

It was as if I reopened a wound in my heart as I thought about her, but I couldn't allow myself to cry, because I distinctly remembered Matt telling me to come downstairs when I was finished with talking to Tyler. And I was pretty sure that he would notice my tear-stained face, and that he _would_ ask about it.

I shuddered at the thought of trying to explain that I'd been crying to him, he'd ask why because he probably thought I was a little happier. But could I ever be as happy as I was when Mom was alive? The thought of it seemed cruel, that I could be so happy and carefree with her gone.

Sighing, I got up from my and left my room, refusing to look over to where her picture was still left unframed on my desk. Matt smiled from behind the island n the kitchen once he saw me, but his smile tightened and he looked almost worried. "Did you talk to Tyler?" Hesitantly, I nodded. "Well what's wrong?" He asked, leaning over the island a little to get a better look at me.

God, was I _that_ easy to read? I quickly plastered a smile on my face. "Nothing, I'm fine."

He stared at me for a few more moments and I shuffled uncomfortably under his gaze. He didn't look like he believed me at all, but sighed and looked behind me, causing me to see what he was looking at.

About a dozen or more movies were stacked on a small end table, and I picked them up, looking at the sides of them for their titles. Everything from _Cloudy with a Chance of __Meatballs_ to _Saw V _were included in the pile, and I looked at Matt curiously.

"Val was afraid we'd get bored without her," He chuckled slightly and spread out all of the DVD's after I placed them on the counter. "So she went out of her way to make sure there we had more than enough entertainment. Which one do you wanna watch first?"

For the umpteenth time that day, I raised my eyebrows. _So much for going back up in my room._ I rubbed the back of my neck, staring down at them and pointed to _Sweeney Todd._ Matt grinned. "Good choice."

I was sitting on one of the sofas in the living room with the remote in my hand, having just finished setting everything up when Matt came in with several cans of Coca-Cola and a huge bowl of popcorn. "Listen, Payton," He started after he set everything on the coffee table. "I'm just gonna lay it all out, okay?" He took the remote out of my hand and placed it beside the bowl of popcorn.

Anxiously, I ran a hand through my hair, waiting for him to continue. "You have to start school." He said, keeping his lips pressed together as he gauged my reaction.

Nervousness welled up in the pit of my stomach, and I sighed, caught off guard. I wasn't expecting him to say that. But I _hadn't _been to school in over a month, and I had to start sometime, didn't I? I would try to put it off for as long as possible, though. I snapped my eyes open and looked up at him pleadingly. "Do I _have_ to?" He almost looked relieved for a moment and nodded. "When?"

"Next Monday." I grimaced and attempted to fake a smile, but he saw straight through it. "It won't be so bad, I went there! And Zacky and Jimmy!" When that didn't make me feel better, he sighed. "We have to fill out some forms and stuff tomorrow and you have to pick out your courses, okay?"

I shrugged, not wanting to give him a straight answer because I was probably going to put up a fight about all of it. Surely a few more weeks off wouldn't hurt, would it? He cleared his throat and fidgeted in his seat slightly, and I knew he was going to say something else that I more than likely wouldn't like. "You remember what I said a few weeks ago, right? That you can talk to me any time?"

_This was it; _this was another chance to ask him. My foot began bouncing and I anxiously drummed my fingers against my knee, faltering. His expression soon grew worried. "Matt—did you, before my—I mean..." I sighed and leaned back, closing my eyes as I rested my head against the back of the sofa. I _had_ to get this out, even if it's just this one question.

"Slow down, Payton. Take your time, the movie can wait." I'd actually forgotten all about the movie, but I was thankful to hear that he wasn't in any kind of rush.

"Did you..." I paused, praying my mouth would cooperate. "Did you know about me? I mean like, before my mom--" I didn't continue, still not being able to admit it out loud that my mother died, but understanding quickly washed over his face, and he gave me a look of sympathy.

"No, Payton. I didn't." He sounded completely sincere, and I didn't doubt his honesty for a second. "Your mom, she just... left, a week before I was supposed to go on tour."

This was obviously all news to me, and it took me a moment to digest it. My mother probably left because of Matt being in a band. She was like that, she always did everything for everyone, even if she had to sacrifice her own happiness for someone else. But I _wasn't_ going to resent Matt for that. My mother made her own choices, and I wasn't mad at her for that either. I'd grown up well enough, she did the best she could with me. And if she thought that leaving Matt all those years ago was a good idea, it probably was at the time.

I didn't want to talk about it anymore, I was just happy that I'd the gotten the answer to the one question that I had worried most about. I smiled up at him, trying to mean it. If mom just left, he wouldn't know the answers to my other questions, like why my mom had moved so far away, but I guessed that no one else did. _Maybe_ Melissa, but I sort of doubted that. But at that moment, I was just happy with the answers I had gotten. I could figure out the rest later.

--

_Snow mixed with rain pelted down onto the windshield, so swiftly that the driver could barely see through it. I heard a sigh, and I looked over from my place in the passenger seat. My heart leaped into my throat when I saw who it was, my mother. Her hair was still as blonde as ever, her eyes still a vibrant blue. Yet she looked stressed, about what, I didn't know. She glanced at the clock and let out another heavy sigh before gripping the steering wheel a little tighter as she accelerated a little more._

_"No, you're going too fast!" I tried to scream, but as the words got stuck in my throat and it felt as if I was suffocating. My hands went up to my throat, trying to ease up the tension. I needed to tell my mother to slow down, that she would get in an accident if she didn't._

_Then, just like that. I wasn't in the car anymore, but watching it from a distance. Wind whipped around me harshly, burning me with it freezing gusts. The PT Cruiser was driving down the road, much faster than it should have been in such poor weather conditions. I wanted to scream again, but coughed as I felt my throat close up even more._

_The dim headlights of a car emerging from a side road caught my eye, and I let out a strangled sob. It was going even faster than my mother's car. "No, Mom! Slow down! Please!" _

_I was back in the car with her again, and I felt like the losing the grip I had on the last bit of life I had left. "Slow down, slow down!" She sent another worried glance at the clock, oblivious to the headlights in the distance. I was helpless, I couldn't help my mother. I couldn't speak; it was as if my physical body wasn't even there. Just my mind as I had to witness everything. _I couldn't help her.

_My mom tore her eyes away from the clock again and kept her gaze on the road. That's when she saw the other car, but it was too late. Her eyes widened, and she began frantically stomping on the breaks, but nothing happened. They didn't work. She looked back up at the other car, which was coming from the right; it was almost on top of her now. I couldn't do anything! I couldn't help her and I let out another silent sob, still scratching at my throat as I stared helplessly._

_Her scream echoed through the car and I clenched my eyes shut. No, no, no. When I opened them, I was outside again, the wind still tearing into my t-shirt, shorts, and sandal-clad body. The two cars were right on top of each other then, and I fell to my knees as they collided. The nauseating crushing sound of metal against metal seemed to overpower the roar of the wind, it was right in my ears, it was all I could hear. And then, above all else, my mother's helpless scream._

I jolted upright, my breathing erratic. I couldn't catch my breath and my hands trembled uncontrollably as I clutched the leather of the sofa. It was pitch black, I couldn't see _anything_. And for a moment, I thought I was blind. I could hear the rain against the windows and shuddered as I thought about my dream. It felt so real, I wasn't fully awake yet and almost thought I was still in my dream.

My heart raced and pounded in my ears. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I was in the living room, but I couldn't see anything. I jumped and clasped a hand over my mouth to keep back a whimper as I heard another clap of thunder.

The lightning momentarily lit up the room, and I noticed a figure in the archway, and began panicking even more. "Payton?" I faintly recognized the voice and tried to reply, but it was as if I still couldn't speak. My breaths became shorter and deeper, and I shut my eyes as a bright light was shined in my eyes. "Payton, are you okay?"

It seemed like he was right there beside me in a split second, and I jumped again as he gently placed his hand on my shoulder. The flashlight was shined in my face yet again, but it was angled so it wasn't directly in my eyes. I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at him, still completely panicked.

This sort of thing wasn't new. The dream was, but this kind of panic attack wasn't. But Matt didn't know about them, and he didn't know what was wrong with me. My mother's screamed echoed in my ears I leaned forward slightly, my hand still clasped over my mouth. "What's wrong, Payton?" Matt asked frantically, wiping away the tears I didn't even know had fallen. "Did you have a bad dream?" All I could do was nod, still not being able to find my voice.

My body still shook and I tensed even more when Matt pulled me onto his lap, bringing me into a hug. Slowly, I let my hand down and slowly wrapped my arms around his middle. I _needed_ this hug. I needed someone there with me, and Matt would just have to do. Although he had wiped my tears, I still didn't want him to see my crying, and I buried my head in his shirt, letting out silent sobs.

Her scream kept playing in my ears, over and over again, always having the same impact. It seemed like no matter what I tried to do, I couldn't stop the tears from coming. They slowed down after a few minutes though, but did not stop completely.

Would it ever end? _I just wanted her back._ A few more minutes passed and I'd calmed down a little more, to the point where I only occasionally sniffled, but other than that, I just kept my head buried into Matt's chest. I was embarrassed that I'd completely let my guard down around him. That hadn't happened since the first night I met him, and like then, I couldn't control myself.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Matt asked softly, startling me out of my thoughts.

I was about to say _no_ on reflex, a _hell no_ at that, but I found myself actually wanting to talk about it. I _wanted_ to tell him about my dream. I let out a shaky breath and hoped my voice would be back. "It—it was about... it was about my mom."

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	14. Chapter Thirteen

"Okay, so you're gonna take Biology, U.S History, and...?" Matt asked, waving the paper in front of my still-drowsy face. He'd asking that same question for the past five minutes, and I'd always given him the same answer.

I yawned and pushed Matt's hand away. "Figure it out yourself."

He let out a frustrated sigh and leaned back on the sofa. "C'mon, Payton. We're gonna take you shopping for school before the girls get back. We're leaving in an hour, and you still have to get ready. So let's go."

"What, since when?" I opened my eyes a little wider to see if he wasn't just saying that to get me to wake up. "Why don't you want the girls to go?"

"They're planning their own day with you sometime this week," He smirked and I groaned, even though I had no idea what they were planning, I had a feeling it would involve me trying on a whole lot of clothes, and I more than likely wouldn't be comfortable in them. "We're just getting you school supplies today though, nothing big."

Sighing, I buried my head into the corner of the sofa and let out another huge yawn. I'd only had that dream last night, and after that I told Matt about it, but only the dream. I didn't tell him about anything else. He hadn't even mentioned anything about it, and I was grateful for that. But anyway, I hadn't gotten much sleep last night, so I was tired to say the least. I just wanted to go back upstairs and go back to sleep in my nice, comfortable bed. Not on the cool leather sofa.

"Payton, I have to get you registered for your courses by Monday so you start next week, so please cooperate with me." When I didn't look back up at him, he let out yet another long sigh. "Alright, I guess I'm just gonna have to pick them by myself."

Honestly, I didn't care what I took. It was school, and school was school. I was never that great at it, and I never really took much interest in which subjects I took and which I didn't. It was all the same to me, so I was almost relieved that Matt said he would do it himself.

For a few moments, all I heard was the scribbling of his pen across the paper. "You said you play guitar, right?" He asked, making me tense.

"_You_ said I play guitar. I suck at it." How did that lie come out so easily? I really didn't even know I was saying it until it was actually out of my mouth, and I had a feeling that it would come back and bite me one day.

"Well, I signed you up for a music class." He stated, and I didn't reply. That idea actually didn't sound bad to me; I might actually even _enjoy_ it. "Shit, there's not enough room in your schedule for a health class."

I snorted and glanced back at him. "And?"

"Have you ever taken one before? I mean—have you ever had a health class before?" I had a vague idea where he was going with it, but I was just too tired to try and get out of it. Besides, he hadn't said anything too bad yet.

"I dunno—in grade seven, yeah." I mumbled and tried to wave him off, not wanting this conversation to go any further. That was partly true, in grade seven they split my P.E class and health class into a semester each. But we had covered all of the basics, and I seriously did not want to even entertain the idea of taking another health class. It may have been fun to laugh hysterically while Tyler was with me, but I had a feeling it wouldn't be this time around without him.

Thankfully, he didn't elaborate on the subject any further than that, and he placed the paper on the coffee table once it was finished and told me to look it over. "Don't wrinkle it!" He said as I made a lazy grab at it, bringing it closer so I could see. I laughed, he sounded unbelievably flamboyant when he said that.

My schedule was pretty generic. Biology, geometry, English, P.E, US History. But my two electives seemed like they would be interesting, Auto Shop and 'Proficient' music. Although I didn't know much about cars, I knew it was going to be a fun class. And I _did_ practically live and breathe music, so having an hour taken out of school for it every other day was rather appealing to me.

Nodding approvingly, I carelessly tossed the sheet of paper back onto the coffee table and resumed the position I'd been in before, laying down with my head buried into the corner of the sofa.

"Go upstairs and get dressed, the guys are coming over soon and then we're leaving, so you don't have much time."

"Yes I do, I have all the time in the world. What's wrong with what I'm wearing now, anyway?" I asked, still not liking the idea of going _school supplies_ shopping with the guys. I looked down at my attire, which consisted of an oversized 'Epitaph' t-shirt and some baggy flannel PJ pants.

Stupidly, I'd left my school backpack at my house, and all of the supplies I had in it. But a new question arose with that thought, and I popped up to stare at him. "Hey, Matt? When's my stuff gonna get here?"

"You're seriously gonna go shopping wearing that?" He laughed and continued. "There are uh—some problems, with the movers," He said, and I could tell he was ticked off about something, more than likely related to the movers. "They're not sure what they're supposed to take."

I paused, thinking. What _did_ I want? There wasn't much left, I'd taken my guitar and all of my clothes with me. "Just—I just want my practice amp and uh, all of the photo albums and home videos that are in the hall closet." Mom had a camera out at _everything_, even when I was in trouble or something. So that automatically results in a crapload of pictures and video footage. And I didn't want to lose all of it, they were one of the only things I had left of her.

"Is that it?" He asked, looking over at me skeptically as he folded the paper in half. I nodded, finally sitting up.

"Do we _really _have to go shopping? I mean, I don't even need to go to school. You could homeschool me, y'know!" I smirked, holding back a laugh at the thought of Matt trying to teach me anything. I knew it was impossible before it even left my mouth, and I don't even really know _why_ I said that.

"You know you need to go to school. And you know I can't homeschool you." He said slowly, looking down at me with a raised eyebrow.

I pursed my lips, still trying to suppress a smirk. "Okay—let me rephrase that, I don't _want_ to go to school."

He ran a hand through his hair and was about to reply when we heard the front door open, and I was off the couch in seconds to greet whoever was there. "Mini! We're taking you _shopping_ today!" Jimmy shrieked, jumping up and down as he haphazardly picked _Johnny_ up.

Brian and Zacky laughed at the sight, but waved it off as if they saw that sort of thing every day. Once Jimmy set him down, he patted Johnny's head and smiled cutely. I had no idea how he could be so hyper at ten in the morning. "Short-shit here's gonna be our bag boy." He gasped theatrically when he saw what I was wearing. "You're not dressed!"

"And?" I chuckled, still smiling. He was pointing at me as if I looked like a drowned rat. I stumbled when he began pushing me up the stairs, rambling about how he doesn't wait around for anybody.

Ten minutes later, I was back downstairs and dressed in a pair of destroyed jean shorts and a 'The Used' t-shirt, my hair pulled up into a ponytail. "Finally!" Jimmy yelled from the kitchen. "Geez, took you long enough Mini!"

Everybody was sitting around the island, and I plopped down in the only other seat that was available, in between Brian and Zacky. I slowly exhaled and laid my head against the cool countertop, just wanting to go back to sleep. A bowl of _Cap'n Crunch_(the meals had been much less healthy since Val had left for the weekend) was set in front of me, and I groaned. I wasn't hungry in the slightest, but when I saw Matt's expression, I began eating without protest. If I was going to eat it at all, it wasn't going to be because he told me to. I pushed it away after a few moments and buried my head in my hands. "I'm finished."

Truthfully, I was surprised that Matt didn't say anything about it, and soon everybody had vacated the island but me, but I felt someone's presence on the other side of the island. "Promise me, Payton, that if you have another dream like that, that you'll come to me. I don't care if it's four in the morning, okay?"

Slowly, I looked up to meet his gaze and nodded hesitantly. _I was making way too many promises these days_. But, if I was going to keep the one I made to Tyler, that meant I was pretty much obligated to agree with Matt.

"_Yodel-eh-yodel-eh-he-hoo!"_

Yes, that was Jimmy _yodeling_ as he skipped through the aisles of Office Depot, throwing the most random things in the cart, which was already half full. We hadn't even been there for ten minutes; and Matt, Brian, and Zacky had split up when we first got there. I now knew why.

Beside me, Johnny pouted and he sullenly pushed the cart. He hadn't wanted to, of course, but Jimmy had basically thrown a tantrum, telling Johnny that he just _had_ to wheel the cart. And when Jimmy was in that mood, there was just no reasoning with him.

A binder came flying at me through me peripheral vision, and I ducked just in time, but that only resulted in Johnny getting hit upside the head with it instead. He sighed in frustration, and I couldn't help but giggle. "Jimmy, watch where you're throwing shit," I called as I picked it up and tossed it in the cart, guessing that was what Jimmy had meant to do.

"Sorry Mini—I only meant to get Johnny." He shrugged, his back still to us as he inspected the various school supplies on the shelves in front of him. I clasped my hand over my mouth to keep any more laughs from escaping and looked over at Johnny sympathetically.

If things had been normal, I would have loved to go mad with Jimmy through the store, too. However, I couldn't stop thinking about the last time I went shopping with my mother. It was under the same circumstances, I need school supplies. It was last August, and she was making a huge deal about the next school year being my first of high school.

Tyler had tagged along, and obviously, we knew we were going to get into trouble. Hell, we'd even planned some of it. It was hilarious at the time, and at the end of the day, we had gotten thrown out of the Wal-Mart. But the memory wasn't the same anymore, because I realized how much I had upset my mom.

It may not have meant much to me back then, but it all but tore my heart to shreds as I remembered the defeated look she wore on the way out that day. I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to get the image out of my mind as I pinched the bridge of my nose. I literally felt sick at the memory. I had been so selfish, I had failed to see what my antics had done to her.

I jumped as a hand squeezed my shoulder and I immediately composed myself. "You okay, kiddo?" Matt asked.

Smiling, I shook my head and pointed toward the cart, using that as an excuse to why I looked so frustrated. "I don't need even a quarter of that."

"Just let Jimmy get whatever he wants, it's a lot easier in the long run." Zacky laughed from a few feet away from us as he walked next to Brian. Johnny was still pouting from behind the cart.

Seeing that Jimmy was then at least two aisles over, I smiled at Johnny and bumped my shoulder against his, noting that he was the only one out of the group who was short enough to do that with me. "Here, I'll push the cart. I bet he won't even notice." Johnny grinned and eagerly stepped away from the cart, and I smiled, leaning my upper body against the cart as I pushed it.

Jimmy didn't notice, at least for a few minutes until he got back, his arms full with notebooks, _more_ binders, packs upon packs of mechanical pencils and pens, and who knows what else. He halted at the end of the aisle as soon as he saw me. My eyes widened as he dropped _everything_ in his arms, all of it clattering to the ground. Brian, Zacky, and Matt snickered, while Johnny and I stared at him wide-eyed when he began marching toward us.

When he got to the cart, he began pushing everything to one side, while I just stared at him, wondering what the heck he was up to. I backed up slightly when he came toward me, but he made a grab for my waist, and before I could do anything, he had me placed in the cart. I mean, like, I was actually _sitting_ down in it, my back pressed, just as a kid would. All of the guys burst out laughing at that, but Jimmy still looked dead serious. He pointed to Johnny, who held his hands up defensively, a smile forming on his lips. "Push the cart." Jimmy instructed, and Johnny could do nothing but hesitantly step forward and grip the handlebars, smiling down at me.

Jimmy broke out into a triumphant grin, and he ruffled my hair before doing the same for me. "We can't have all of the short-shits forming an alliance against us, can we?" He asked, directing his question to all of the _taller_ guys.

My jaw dropped and I let out a huge gasp, staring up at him with fake tears in my eyes. "What did you—did you just call me a short-shit?"

"That I did Mini, that I did." I scoffed at his answer and shifted uncomfortably. I may have been short, but it would have been a tight fit for me if the cart was _empty_, yet I was forced to share the space with unneeded, not to mention _unwanted_, office supplies.

With that, Jimmy's grin intensified as he turned on his heel and skipped back down the aisle the way he came, leaving the mess of office supplies where he had dropped it.

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	15. Chapter Fourteen

I had hoped that on the morning of the first day of school the next Monday, I would be in a.. manageable mood. But when Jimmy woke me up, '_Jimmy style!',_ or to sane folk it just consisted of screaming in one's ear, I couldn't say I was in the highest spirits at breakfast.

"Cheer up, P," Val thought it was okay to give me a nickname now that I wasn't at Matt's throat. Pretty much everyone else had one for me, but I didn't really mind the one she was using for me. "It won't be too bad. I bet you're gonna love it there," Her encouraging smile turned into a smirk. "I bet Matt'll be beating the boys off you with a stick."

Matt frowned as he turned toward us and slid a plate of pancakes toward me, his forehead creased with worry. "I'd better not be." He grumbled some more when I pushed the plate away. "You should eat now, Patey," Yes, he had adopted Tyler's nickname for me, too. "If I can remember anything from that school, it's how much the food sucks."

It was a quarter to seven, and we had to actually be at the school in fifteen minutes. I had a feeling we were going to be late, and I knew that if I didn't eat, it would probably just hold us up even longer. But eating was the last thing I wanted to do, mainly because I already felt like I was going to throw up.

"No, I'm not hungry." I yawned, still not completely awake. I hadn't been up the early in over a month.

"Alright," He finally said after a moment's hesitation. "If you really aren't hungry..."

At hearing that, I was off the barstool before Matt could even blink. It must have come as a shock to him, because before then my movements had been sloth-like. I was so quick to leave because I _did not_ want to get into another argument with him over eating again. Although our arguments about it had been sparse, I didn't need another reason to be in a bad mood this morning.

After stumbling into the living room and collapsing onto one of the sofas, I glanced lazily at Jimmy across from me, who was vehemently texting on his phone. More than likely to Leana, no doubt. He looked up at me, grinned, and went back to texting.

"Jesus, Jimmy," I yawned again and ran a hand through my hair. "You're such a freak." I meant nothing by my words, of course. If anything, I meant them affectionately.

He had taken it upon himself to wake me up, as I had already mentioned, and join me and Matt on our way to school. He paused in his texting and looked up at me. "Mini, I already told you. I'm here for moral support." That was what he was, though, because I was a little more at ease knowing that he was going to see me off. I was grateful that he had gotten up so early just to do that for me.

On the way out of the house, I grabbed my A7X backpack and slung it on, relishing how light it was, and dreading how heavy it would more than likely be at the end of the day. Jimmy had given me the backpack, too, saying that I had to 'show my pride'.

The drive to school was much shorter than I would have liked it to have been, and when Matt pulled the SUV up to the curb, my stomach jumped into my throat, and I clutched my back to my chest as tightly as I could. "All right, at least try to have fun--" Matt stopped when he looked back and saw my horror-stricken face. I quickly shook my head, inching away from the door closest to the school. There was absolutely no way I was even close to ready to doing this.

Jimmy glanced back, wondering why Matt had paused and sighed once he caught sight of me. "Payton—seriously, it's not gonna be as bad as you think. Your nerves are just getting to you."

Fervently shaking my head, I pointed to the school with a shaking finger. "There's no way I'm doing this."

"Jim's right, Patey. Just go and get it over with. You've got your phone, right? You can call me any time if you can't handle it or something." Matt said, his voice soothing.

I slowly nodded, he was right. He would come pick me up if things got too bad, but hopefully they wouldn't. Finally, I shakily exhaled and began moving closer to the door, my hand reaching out for the handle.

A smirk danced its way across Jimmy's lips. "If any guys try to get in your pants, Mini, let me know and I'll kick their ass for you."

Both Matt and I simultaneously let out a groan, and I could tell he wanted to say more, so I hurried and was out of the car in a split second, my converse pitter-pattering as I jogged up the walkway. "Just say the word!" I heard Jimmy scream from the window he had just rolled down, which only made me pick up my pace. I was pretty sure that was what he had wanted me to do.

The school was like an outdoor campus-type-thing, but most of the classes I had were in the same building. I clutched the campus map Matt had printed off for me in my still-shaking hands, trying to figure out where the main office was.

Not a lot of other people were around, and I normally would have taken comfort in that, but that only led me to the conclusion that I was late. This school just started way too early in the morning.

Finally, I located it. It was just a few yards away, across from the auditorium. As I made my way up the walk-way, I noticed how nice the school actually was, and that it wouldn't be so bad having to walk from class to class outside. Trees, shrubs, and benches could be seen every few feet, and it was surprisingly peaceful, but that was more than likely because no one else was around.

I didn't have time to admire the landscaping, so I picked up my pace a little more and pushed the double glass doors to the main office open, sighing as I was met with a wall of cool air. I still hadn't adjusted to the California temperature, and I usually always preferred the air-conditioned areas.

A middle-aged lady with short, curly red hair was coming out of an office just as I had entered, and smiled warmly at me once she saw me. "Uh—" I began nervously stumbling over my words, just as I thought I would. "I—I'm new here."

Her smile intensified into an outright grin, and she walked over to a high, L-shaped counter, shuffling through some files behind it. "What's your name, honey?"

"Payton—" She cut me off before I could say any more, holding a manila folder up as her eyes met mine.

"Sanders. Ah, yes. Here we are." Opening it, she laid it on the counter and started flipping through its contents.

"Wilson," I started sharply, but then paused when she glanced up at me again. "I mean it's—it's Payton Wilson-Sanders."

Her smile didn't falter, and she nodded before handing me several papers. "I'm Joy, one of the guidance counsellors," Her name seemed to fit her cheerful demeanour, and I noticed that she used her first name, not her last. "Here's your schedule and locker number. It's up on the second floor of building A, which is this one. I've notified all of your teachers already, all you have to do is tell them your name. Now, I just have to get your books." Turning on her heel, she slipped around a corner and I was left to stand by the counter awkwardly.

Upon further inspection, I saw that I wasn't alone. A jock-ish guy sat on one of the plush chair on the other side of the room, and once he saw me staring, he gave me a mocking smile. I gulped, that was _not_ a friendly smile.

Five minutes later, Joy was back with an armful of books, and I shrunk at the sight. Was I really supposed to carry _all_ of those, even if it's just up to my locker? My hand gripped my campus map even tighter, and had since turned into a crumpled mess.

Seeing my intimidated stare, she gestured over toward the jock. "Andy here will help you with your books to your locker. Won't you, Andy?"

Letting out an irritated sigh, Andy heaved himself up out of the seat as if he weighed seven hundred pounds and fixed his Abercrombie & Fitch polo. "Sure thing, _Miss _Anderson." Joy glared at him as he took half of what was in the stack of books, and she gave me the rest.

"You'll fit in just fine here, Payton. But you really must be getting to class now." Somehow, I highly doubted I would. Her smile had visibly tightened when she had uttered anything about Andy. I quickly nodded and silently began making my way back out the door.

"Uh—it's _this_ way," I heard Andy scornfully call from a few feet away, and I quickly turned around, seeing him halfway up a staircase that was off to the side a little. It was huge and white, _how had I missed that before?_

My locker was at the other end of the long hallway, at least that was what I could gather from how they started off, and I ended up being right. Andy trailed behind me, and I stopped abruptly, almost going past my locker, which I found was on top, and thankfully not on the bottom. Andy hissed and I felt the books he was carrying dig into my back.

"Would you watch where you're going?" He snapped, and I simply raised my eyebrows at him. I believe _he_ was the one who bumped into _me,_ not the other way around. He gave me a look that said 'hurry the fuck up' and I fumbled with the sheet that had my locker number and combination on it, and hurriedly unlocked it.

He carelessly shoved the books into my locker and didn't even glance back at me before he stalked off down the hall the way he had come. _Oh, yes. I can already tell he just loves me _so_ much._

_You must really be getting to class..._ Joy's voice floats back into my head and I hurriedly figure out which books I would need until lunch rolled around and put all of the rest back. Next, I had to figure out where the heck my first class was.

My U.S History class was in Building B, which is the one right across from this one. I took off back down the hallway, and took the stairs two at a time, breezing through the main office and out of the door.

I cut across the small garden that separated the sidewalk for Building A, and the other for Building B and quickly entered, thanking whoever's up there that my class was on the first floor. I skidded to a halt when I was finally in front of the closed classroom door I had been searching for and composed myself, trying to build up the courage to actually _open_ it.

After a few more moments of hesitation, I swung the door open as gently as possible, readjusting my much heavier backpack before peeking in. The teacher, a balding middle-aged man, was writing something on the whiteboard, but turned when he heard the door open.

Much to my surprise, he smiled warmly in my direction. "You must be Payton," He waited for me to nod in confirmation. "I'm Mr. Jensen. I've been waiting for you, you're late. But I'll let it slide for today." His voice held a humorous tone, and I knew that I wouldn't hate this class if he was teaching it.

By then, all of the student's eyes were on me, but I didn't let it get to me, only giving the room a once over before turning back to Mr. Jensen, who casually waved me off, clapping his hands as he turned back to the whiteboard. "Just sit wherever, and try to make sense of things."

As soon as I heard that, I swivelled back around, trying to find a friendly face to sit next to, but came up short. There were mainly two groups, the neutral, 'who cares' type, and then the ones who were staring at me as if I were some kind of genetic abomination. With a small, inaudible sigh, I planted myself in one of two desks available at the front, taking out my History textbook and a notebook.

Mr. Jensen was writing notes, I finally realized, and hurriedly began trying to catch up before he erased it to move on to more.

Even more surprisingly, nothing too bad happened during class. The students must have either respected him or he was excessively strict (from what I could gather, though, he was fairly laid-back), because you could have even heard a pin drop during the class.

"Lucky for you, we just started a new unit," Mr. Jensen said, catching me before I could run off to my next class. "So it shouldn't be too hard to catch up. Just let me know if you're having any trouble."

I nodded gratefully and made my way down the hallway, ducking under the people, trying to get to Geometry without being late. The teacher however, an uptight, frizzy blonde-haired lady in her mid thirties, wasn't anywhere near as nice as Mr. Jensen. When she learned who I was, she let me sit down, but then made me introduce myself.

What could I say that was really interesting about me? I couldn't think of anything on the spot, so I just said my name, and that I was from Canada before I ducked my head, praying that would be good enough for her. She simply frowned and sent a glare in my direction. I fidgeted under her harsh gaze and played with the hem of the one of the many shirts I had gotten on my shopping trip with the girls last week. I didn't even get her name, but I didn't care. I knew we wouldn't get along as soon as we laid eyes on each other.

When lunch finally rolled around, I wasn't so nervous anymore, but I couldn't say I was loving my first day experience so far. No one had even attempted to introduce themselves to me, and I certainly wasn't about to make the first move. Not without Tyler by my side.

Although I still wasn't hungry, I wanted to check out the cafeteria, maybe find a group that I could possibly fit into. But it was _packed_, most of the kids in there were seniors, and there was no way I was going to approach anyone in there. I took one look at the food, grimaced, and left the cafeteria.

Matt was right. The food there _did_ suck, and saying that was an understatement. I decided to be a little anti-social and found a small garden, flopping onto the lush green grass under the shade of a large, broad-leafed tree.

I spent the entire half-hour of lunch doing nothing, just taking in the school, or at least what I could see from where I was sitting. Buildings B and C obstructed my view from anything remotely pretty, but the bell tower of the auditorium soared above everything else. It was the nicest thing about the school, I decided then.

The bell rang, telling me that lunch was over, but had I not been quiet, I wouldn't have even heard it at all. I'd have to look out for that from then on. I had P.E next, so I headed over to the gym. It passed by in a bore. The teacher, Mrs. Roland, was okay, but had the voice of a drill sergeant. We stayed inside the whole time, and she only let me participate in certain things because I didn't have my gym clothes yet.

As I made my way out of the gym, I realized that I had only one class left in the day, and my shoulders slumped in relief. Music class, which _had_ to be fun, or I was sure I would go crazy. The music room was behind the auditorium, but it didn't take me too long to get there.

I was the first one there, and I was relieved about that. In the far corner of the room, a guy in his late-twenties was sat behind a desk, but smiled once he saw me. "Uh.. I'm new here?" I said it more like a question, but this was the first time the teacher hadn't acknowledged I was the next before I had a chance to.

Students quickly started to file in, but they only gave me a sideways glance before sitting somewhere in one of the three large, raised rows in the back of the room. "Oh yeah! Sorry, I completely forgot. What's your name?" He asked casually, his gaze friendly as he stood up from his seat and made his way over to me.

"Payton."

"Mr. Thorne," He grinned cheekily and gestured around the room with a sweep of his hand. "Do you play any instruments?"

Hesitantly, I looked around. All of the other students were chattering away, oblivious to me. That wasn't what I was worried about though, I was just trying to figure out what I was going to tell Mr. Thorne.

Instruments were littered throughout the room. Anything from drum sets, pianos, violins, mandolins to guitars. What _could_ I say? I had a feeling that I couldn't lie about my ability to play guitar in this class, as it would come out sometime whether I wanted it to or not. Also, I was pretty sure you were required to be able to play something to even be in this class. "I play guitar." I finally mumbled, somewhat defeated.

His grin widened and he pointed toward a wall behind me. "Take your pick."

My mouth dropped just about to the floor when I turned to see what he was pointing to. Adorning the walls were pretty much every guitar that ever made me want to drool.

_Yes, I'm definitely going to love this class._ I cautiously stepped forward and reached toward a standard black on white Telecaster, but looked back to Mr. Thorne to see if it was okay, taking it down when he nodded. What kind of budget did this school have for its music program? It must have been monstrous.

"What are you waiting for?" He grinned and nodded his head over to a half stack. "Show me what you can do!"

What had I just gotten myself into?

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	16. Chapter Fifteen

All of the color drained from my face, and I held the guitar awkwardly in my hands as I stared at him. "Oh come on, no one's gonna bite!" He said loudly, which only caused a few students to look at the both of us curiously.

I nodded, still hesitant to agree and hauled the strap over my head, but I don't think I had much of a choice. Besides, the most he was expecting me to do was strum a couple of simple chords, right?

He clapped his hands and rubbed them together before fishing a cable out of the drawer, handing me one end to connect with my guitar while he went over to the amp.

Seconds later, the half stack buzzed to life, and I joined him beside it, fiddling with it to get the sound decent. If I was going to play at all, I didn't want it to sound like shit. Mr. Thorne stepped back once I joined him and eyed me knowingly, but looked somewhat disappointed when I began strumming a few simple power chords from a random Green Day song I remembered off the top of my head.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone get up and make their way over to us. By then, everyone was watching me but I didn't exactly care. It had been much too long since I had actually, properly played guitar, and heard it loud and clear through an amp.

I jumped when Andy (I hadn't even known he was here until just now) brushed by me and I lost my focus slightly as I watched him get take a red Gibson SG down from the wall. He found his own cable and amp, and soon he was standing a few feet away from me. I stared at him curiously, wondering what he was trying to do. He didn't look like much of a guitar player.

Mr. Thorne couldn't keep the grin off of his face. "What's this, do we have a challenge?" Before I could form a reply, Andy began strumming a tune, one I didn't recognize, but it was just as easy as the one I had just been playing, and I quickly mimicked him.

_A challenge?_ I knew that this couldn't possibly end badly, and I just knew that I wouldn't be able to pass this up. Especially since Mr. Thorne called it a 'challenge'. I was known back home to be pretty competitive when I wanted to be.

Besides, this would be over quickly. It wouldn't be too hard to outdo Andy if he thought that little riff was harder than the one I'd had previously done, I was more than sure of that. Mr. Thorne took another step back and sat in a chair, watching us.

I would openly admit that I was a little surprised when Andy broke out into an uncomplicated solo, bringing the guitar up slightly in his arms and dramatically hunching over it as if whatever he was doing was insanely difficult. "Whoo, Andy! Go baby!" A blonde said from the back of the room, waving her fist around in the air.

Again, I easily mimicked him. He must have really underestimated me, because he looked surprised that I had copied it so easily.

This went on for a while, each time it got progressively harder, with Andy getting more and more frustrated. Still though, I didn't recognize anything he was playing—it was mostly country, from what I could gather, so that was probably why.

The girl in the back kept hollering, and eventually, I got sick of it. So I broke out into one of the hardest solos I knew, which was from 'Afterlife'. It may have been hard, but last year I had practiced and practiced it to perfection, so much so that I could have played it with my eyes closed. Plus, I was proud I could show off all of the hard work I had put into learning this, which was a lot. My fingers danced across the fretboard, my other hand working with it seamlessly.

All of the attention that had been focused on Andy was now on me, but I refused to let it get to me, it had been too long since I was able to just let out with an awesome solo like that, and it felt great.

When I was done, I stopped as abruptly as I had started and turned toward Andy, waiting for him to do the same as I had just done. The entire class stared at me slack jawed, including Mr. Throne. But then the class erupted into clapping, and I shifted my gaze to stare at my shoes.

The reality of what just happened was beginning to sink in. It _wasn't _supposed to go that far. However, I couldn't keep the smirk from forming when I saw Andy scoff and unplug his guitar and put it back on the wall before stalking back to where he was sitting next to the blonde who was _still_ cheering him on.

I did the same, embarrassed. Before I could put my guitar back, Mr. Thorne did it for me and turned back toward me, his eyes sparkling. "That was—that was awesome." He said breathlessly. "I have to get you in my advanced class, but..." He trailed off, then sighed. "You're only a freshmen, right?" Hope swelled in my chest, in another, more challenging class _without_ Andy in it?

"Yeah." I nodded in confirmation, and he looked crestfallen.

"You have to be at least a sophomore to get into the advanced class—stupid rule, right—but maybe I could pull some strings..." He paced to his chair and back while I just stood there awkwardly, unsure if I should have sat down with everyone else. "Yeah, I'll talk to you parents, too. It would be easier if I had some help." The grin was instantly returned to his face and his eyes held new hope.

_Parents?!_ No, no, no. He could _not_ go to Matt about this. That would ruin _everything_ I had worked for, and even if I was getting along with Matt these days, I still didn't want him to find out I played guitar. He'd ask why I was lying about it the whole time. There was no going back then.

"No, really—" I stammered, my feet feeling as if they were rooted to the linoleum tiling. "It's okay, this class is fine."

"No," He persisted, "I can't let talent like this slip through the cracks. I'm going to do whatever I can to get you into my advanced class."

Having no other choice, I sighed and nodded. If I argued any more, he would know something was up. And that would just make everything that much worse. When he turned and went back to his desk, I looked toward where everyone else was sitting. They all having their own little conversation or laughing with each other, so I sat off to the side, away from everyone. I ignored the glare Andy and the blonde he was sitting by were giving me, and kept to myself.

"Alright, so," Mr. Thorne started, getting back up from his chair again and stand at the front of the classroom. "Can we at least _try_ to get some work done today?"

An hour later, the bell rang, signalling the end of the day and freedom from the harsh stares Andy was _still_ giving me. I had no idea what his problem was, if he couldn't handle losing, _why_ did he even challenge me to begin with? I hurried off, eager to get to my locker and drop off the books I didn't need. I was surprised when raindrops began splattering against my face, so I picked up my pace and jogged across the campus, wanting to be somewhere dry.

Finding my locker went without a hitch, but I still fumbled with the lock. I _always_ had trouble with it, even back home. But eventually, I got it open and stuffed my biology textbook in, which was the only subject I _didn't_ have homework in.

I slowed down once I shut my locker and breathed a sigh of relief. The first day was over with, and hopefully I would get used to it. And despite having such an asshole like Andy in my music class, I knew it would be the highlight of my school day from then on. I'd never met a cooler teacher than Mr. Thorne.

The school was deserted then, at least the building I was in was. I guess I had taken longer than I thought to get here and open my locker. I stumbled slightly when someone pushed me from behind, and whipped around to glare at whoever it was, hiding the fact that I'd been startled.

My eyed widened at who I saw, but I quickly composed myself and kept my glare on him. I _knew_ he would be trouble. Still, as threatening as I tried to look, Andy loomed over me. He was about 5'8, but still much taller than I was. And he was glaring back with the same ferocity I was.

He roughly grabbed by my neck and pushed me backwards until my backpack hit connected with the lockers, his hand still pressed on my collarbone. I glowered up at him. "What do you want, Andy?" I demanded, trying to get out of his grasp, but not really putting too much effort into it. _Yet._

"You think you can just walk in here, act like you own the place and suck up to Mr. Thorne so you can get into advanced music?"

I looked up at him as if he were stupid. _Act like I own the place? Suck up to Mr. Thorne?_ Everything he had said so far was outrageous. I had no idea how he even thought I was sucking up to Mr. Thorne, it was pretty clear I was trying to get _out_ of being placed into his advanced class. How stupid could Andy be?

"Dude, chill out. I didn't do anything. _You_ challenged _me._ All I did was play, I can't help it if I'm better than you." I said as calmly as possible. Sure, I could have went about this a completely different way and just decked him already, and that was what I desperately wanted to do. But I was pretty sure Matt wouldn't be too happy if I got into a fight on the first day of school.

Instead of calming him down like I had meant to do, my words seemed to irritate him even further. He pushed me into the lockers even more, and I knew then that his hand would leave a mark. He glared down at me with so much hatred it almost scared me. His clenched his jaw. "I'm not afraid to hit a girl."

My eyebrows shot through the roof. _Well, that much was obvious with the grip he had on my neck._ What he said almost pushed me over the edge though, and I took a deep, uncomfortable breath to try and calm myself down. His oversized hand on my neck was obstructing my ability to breathe _just a little._ "I'm not afraid to hit a preppy asshole, either." I said scathingly, still somehow managing to glare up at him.

He scoffed, and just like that, the tension on my neck eased up and he whipped around, stalking off down the hall the way he had come. I stood there and waited until I heard the door slam before bringing my head back against the lockers, hard.

There were three things running through my mind. One; Andy (I still didn't catch his last name) was fucking _psycho._ Two; I'd made an enemy on my first day of school. And three; I was going to get into a fight with him. Maybe not today, but eventually. If things kept going like they were, it would be sooner than I would have liked it to have been.

I waited a few more minutes, not wanting to cross paths with Andy a second time before making my way out, the opposite way he had come. I calmed myself down as I walked toward the parking lot, searching for the familiar black SUV. Everyone had left by then, and it was quiet like this morning.

It wasn't a peaceful quiet like this morning had been though. It was eerie and unspoken threats seemed to hang in the air. Matt's SUV was easy to spot in the deserted parking lot, and as I had been expecting, Jimmy was in the front seat, grinning encouragingly.

"How'd it go?" Matt asked as soon as I had climbed into the back seat.

"How do you think it went?" I snapped, still fuming over what happened with Andy. It had taken every ounce of my self control to refrain from breaking his nose. I had _never_ held back before. And trying to do so was just so foreign, I didn't know how to deal with the anger I had held back. And Matt just happened to be in the crossfire.

Jimmy gave me a long, meaningful glance, but said nothing. Matt looked at me through the rear view mirror, while I rolled my eyes and pulled my iPod out, refusing to let myself think about how hurt Matt had looked.

Nothing else was said on the drive home, and I was thankful for that because I probably would have hurt whoever was trying to talk to me. When Matt parked, I was out of the car as soon as he had stopped and I ignored everyone as I stomped upstairs to my room.

After locking my door, I paced around my room for a few minutes before throwing my backpack into the corner and collapsing on my bed, beating the hell out of my pillows. They did nothing to calm me down though, probably because they weren't Andy's face.

When I was had sufficiently worn myself out, I buried my head in one of my battered pillows, but didn't cry. I knew that I had let my anger out on the wrong person when I snapped at Matt. And I felt bad about it, especially remembering the disappointed look Jimmy had given me. I shuddered and sighed giving the pillow next to me a half-hearted thwack.

Someone knocked on my door, and for a moment I ignored them until they persisted. "Go away, Jimmy." I called, my voice coming out muffled through my pillow.

Just as I expected, my door was opened anyway, but I still didn't look up. Footsteps came toward my bed, and the edge of my mattress depressed as they sat on it. I waited a few more moments before sneaking a peek at whoever it was. It couldn't have been Jimmy, because they were way too quiet.

A pang of remorse erupted in my stomach when I saw Matt, sitting on the edge of my bed, hunched over slightly as he rested his elbows on his knees. He didn't look back at me.

I really felt guilty then. I had lashed out at the wrong person, and I knew he didn't deserve it. He was only asking me how my day went. I sighed. "I'm sorry." I finally mumbled and sat up in bed, my back resting against my headboard as I pulled my knees up to my chest.

"It's okay." He let out the same, long breath as I had just done. Things were silent for another few moments, and I grew nervous. I had never seen him so quiet, or thoughtful or downright _concerned._ About _me._

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, finally looking back and locking his eyes with mine. I knew he was asking me to talk about more than just how my first day had gone.

The familiar feeling of my throat closing up consumed me. We hadn't really _talked_ since that night almost two weeks ago, and I still wasn't ready to. Not yet, at least. I still wasn't comfortable with him. "There's nothing to talk about," I said, fidgeting slightly as I knew I was lying. There was _so_ much to talk about. "It was just a long, boring day. I guess the stress just got to me."

He nodded, as if expecting that answer, and still held my gaze. Then he smiled, and I felt a little better knowing he wasn't _completely_ disappointed that I hadn't opened up to him just then. I sat up farther and tried my best to smile back.

"What did you have to eat today?" He questioned, catching me off guard.

I hesitated, wanting to groan. I _hadn't_ eaten anything today, had I? Even though I hadn't told Matt specifically that I would, it had been implied when I passed on breakfast.

"Payton," He said, after a few moments and I still hadn't said anything. His tone held a warning, and I knew I couldn't lie about it, at least not this time.

"No," I finally muttered, looking away. "I didn't."

"You really need to eat more," He frowned when I refused to make eye contact with him. "I'm serious, Patey."

What he said made me roll my eyes, but I felt bad for making him worry over something as silly as what, or how much, I was eating. It wasn't a problem, at least in my opinion it wasn't. "Matt, that's normal for me. I always eat like that."

He frowned ever more. "It's not healthy." He said simply, before nodding toward my door. "Come on, Val's making lasagne, you can hang out with us while we're waiting." I heaved myself out of bed, defeated. I knew he wouldn't leave until I was with him, but I didn't really mind going downstairs to hang out with everyone. They had really grown on me the past few weeks, and hanging out with them would hopefully help me relax a little.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

I managed to make it three days before I couldn't handle it anymore. I was in Geometry at the time, and guess who also happened to be in that class with me?

_Andy._

How I had failed to notice him there on the first day, I'll never know. Because right then, he was shooting me his usual death glare from across the room. The same thing he had been doing for the past two days that I had been aware of his existence in this particular room.

Trust me, _it gets annoying after a while._ Actually, after the first three seconds, it's downright disturbing.

The teacher, whose name still eluded me, was facing the whiteboard, oblivious to anything around her. I huffed and ran a hand through me hair, still feeling his stare burning into. I finally looked up to meet his eyes, and his glare intensified. He mouthed something I did not catch, but I didn't care.

Before I could chicken out, I was out of my desk, and marching straight over to Andy. He face held a mix of emotions, shocked that I had the nerve to walk up to him, embarrassed, and _arrogant._ That only pissed me off even more.

"Payton, sit down!" The teacher's shrill voice cut through the air, but I didn't listen.

"What the _fuck_ is your problem?" I demanded, getting in his face. All he did was smirk and glance at the teacher. I didn't care about all the stares focused on our little scene. I _needed_ him to fuck off.

I had my fist raised, and I was _going_ to punch him, but then the teacher got in between us. She pulled me by my arm until we were outside her classroom, _she's stronger than she looks._ Her face was livid, but I was still trying to get out of her grip and beat Andy to a pulp.

She spun me around so I was facing the other direction and gave me a slight push. "Office, _now!"_

Finally I somewhat came back to my senses, glanced back at her and scoffed, before making my way down the hall. Once outside, I dragged myself across the garden and to through the glass doors that led to the office, taking as long as possible.

No one else was there, which was odd. So I planted myself in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs beside the reception desk, still fuming. This was just _perfect._ I didn't even get to hit him yet I got in trouble for it. I pinched the bridge of my nose and leaned back until my head touched the wall, sighing.

How many times had I been in such a situation? _Too many to count._ It actually almost felt almost natural to be down here, waiting to get lectured and/or punished. But this was the first time in years I wasn't with my best friend, Tyler. And sitting in that little chair, I'd hadn't felt so alone in weeks.

The door with 'Mr. Dunford' marked on it swung open, and I looked up. A man stepped out and smiled at me, he was in his mid-thirties, but his short, dark brown hair was starting to grey. "Payton? You can come in now." He said, gestured toward the open door.

Still taking my time, I got up and silently stepped in, collapsing in the chair in front of his desk. I seriously _didn't_ want to be there, not without Tyler. It wasn't funny now, and it was pretty much just a waste of time. He sat down in the leather chair behind the desk, and smiled pleasantly, ignoring my hostile demeanour. "Mrs. Hoffmaster called down and said you had an outburst in class." He stated, then looked to me for confirmation.

What did it matter? He wasn't going to take my word over some bitchy teachers. I let a few giggles slip and held my face in my hands. The teacher's last name was _Hoffmaster?_

My giggling and lack of seriousness didn't seem to impress Mr. Dunford, and he raised a question eyebrow. All I could do was nod, there was no sense in lying about it. He'd probably find out about it eventually. "You know, Payton, this is a very serious matter, here at Huntington High we do not tolerate bullying."

I instantly sobered up once I heard that and jumped to my feet. "_What?_ Are you insane? He was—Andy was—" What could I say? That I told him off because he was _staring_ at me? I did not want to say anything about what happened on the first day, that would open a whole new can of worms I just didn't want to get into.

"Sit down, Miss Sanders—"

"It's _Wilson._" I said venomously, making him stop short.

He sighed tiredly and looked up at me. "Calm down Miss _Wilson,_ We have a three strike system here and since this your first offence we will not be suspending you."

Oh, that made me feel _so_ much better. I begrudgingly sat back down. He looked at me and began in monotone. "Detention. Today. I will inform your parents so they can pick you up at the appropriate time."

That was all I needed to hear and I was done. I glared at him one last time, before getting back up out of my seat and heading for the door. "Oh, and Payton?" I paused and leaned against the doorway as my eyes flickered back to him. "Please don't make a habit out of this." He gestured around himself.

I gritted my teeth and held back a snide remark, leaving the office without another word. Just as I got up the stairs of the building my geometry class was in, the bell rang. I was thankful I wouldn't have to deal with Andy for a few more hours.

By the time I got back to the classroom, all the students had left and more were piling in. My backpack was next to Mrs. _Hoffmaster's_ desk, and she frowned as soon as she saw me. I looked at her as I hoisted my backpack on, hatred in my stare. I _knew_ we weren't going to get along. Her frown turned into a smirk, and I couldn't hold back what I said next.

"Fuck you." I spat, and turned on my heel before I could see her reaction. Several students in the back of the classroom left, but I didn't look back as I slammed the door and began making my way to my next class, which was Biology.

Three agonizingly long classes later, it was finally lunch, but that wasn't much to look forward to either. But I'd calmed down since, and felt a little relaxed as I sat under the shade of the tree I had been frequenting for the past few days.

As I munched on the chicken Caesar salad wrap Val had packed for me (It wasn't my idea), I couldn't help but wonder how Matt would react to my detention. But I told myself that he wasn't going to get mad, because if my memory serves me correctly, he got _expelled_ from _several_ schools when he was my age. So if he made a big deal out of this, it would make him a _hypocrite. _

P.E passed in a blur again, only consisting of me falling on my ass as I tried to climb a rope. I was beginning to wonder if the Mrs. Roland really _was_ a drill sergeant.

I was dreading music class, but I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that Andy wasn't there. I could finally enjoy the class for what it was and not have eyes burning into the back of my head.

We started a new project, where we had to compose a song with the instrument of our choice. I chose to do it mine guitar, obviously, and used parts of the song I had written the month before. It wasn't fresh in my mind, and without my music sheet that was stuffed in one of my drawers at home, I couldn't remember every single part of it. Mr. Thorne smiled in approval as he passed by, though. So I was hoping it was going along well.

When the day was over and it was time to leave the music classroom, I looked back at the Schecter guitar I was using, a Hellraiser C-7, longingly. That thing was my _dream_ guitar. Well, _any_ Schecter was my dream guitar.

Two minutes later, I was standing next to the auditorium, dumbfounded. I had _no_ idea where detention was supposed to be. Finally, I figured I couldn't stand around looking like an idiot all day, so I headed to the office.

Joy smiled once she saw me. "Hello, Payton. What can I help you with?"

"Uhm... I don't know where detention is supposed to be." I said unsurely, shifting my weight from foot to foot.

Her smile dropped for a moment, but then it was back up, bigger than ever. "Oh yes, dear—it's in building E, just across the way." She gestured behind her with her thumb in the right direction.

Nodding, I smiled and left. I already knew where building E was, so it took me no time at all to get there. It was only one story and had about four rooms, I hadn't been in it at all yet.

The room was on the small side, and was slightly stuffy. Ten or twelve kids were seated in the very back, while one girl sat alone in the front. Her hair was a mixture, semi-short and brown on one side, longer and blonde on the other. She grinned when she saw me looking, but looked down when the teacher stood up, and I groaned once I saw who it was. Mrs. Hoffmaster. _Of course it was._ She was just the kind of teacher who would supervise detention.

I ignored Mrs. Hoffmaster and sat in toward the front of the classroom, two rows over from the girl. "Alright," Mrs. Hoffman said, clasping her wiry hands together as she sent a glare toward me. "Get some homework out to occupy yourselves." That was all she said before busying herself behind her desk.

A half an hour passed before Mrs. Hoffmaster left the room, warning us that she'd only be gone for a few minutes. Nonetheless, as soon as the door shut, everyone began chatting away.

The girl with the brown and blonde hair turned toward me straight away, grinning. "You're new here, aren't you?" She asked, and I noticed she had an English accent.

Smiling, I nodded, thankful that someone other than a preppy asshole had finally acknowledged my existence. She stuck her hand out, and I got up out of my seat to shake it. "I'm Danii."

"Payton." I said, then looked toward her baby blue and pink converse. "Oh, I like your shoes!" I vacated my old seat and sat next to her, still smiling.

"Oh—thanks! I adore them!" She laughed. "Nice to meet you, Payton. I moved here from England last year."

We didn't get a chance to say anything else because Mrs. Hoffmaster came back in, a scowl on her face when she saw me talking to Danii. I rolled my eyes and glared back at her. I figured that if I was going to be forced to be there, I might as well get some homework done, so I retrieved my backpack and got to work, as did Danii.

Another half an hour passed before Mrs. Hoffmaster said it was time we could leave, and I had gotten all the work I hadn't finished in Geometry done.

"Would you like to eat with me at lunch tomorrow?" Danii asked once we got outside, and I grinned back at her, realizing that she was only an inch or so taller than me.

"Sure, that'd be awesome." It really would be. I wouldn't have to be a loner anymore, and that was enough in itself for me to accept her offer.

"Great. Meet me by the auditorium then, okay?"

"Alright, c'ya!" I called, and then we parted ways. She went off somewhere toward Building B, while I went straight to the parking lot, still a little nervous about how Matt was going to react.

_And I didn't even get to hit him._ My fists clenched and unclenched at my sides as my mind shifted to violent thoughts about Andy.

"Oh, hey Val." I greeted when I got into the car, but then remembered that Matt had gone into the studio to record a song with Slash.

She smiled at me and began making her way out of the parking lot. "Hey P. So what happened? Why'd you get detention?" She asked, getting straight to the point.

"No," I mumbled, looking out the window. "Don't beat around the bush." She laughed, but didn't say anything as she waited for me to spill. "Well—there's this guy who's been annoying me for the past few days. I got sick of it and told him off."

What—because he likes you or something?" She said, stealing a glance at me as she smirked.

I shuddered. "_Ew_, no. He thinks I'm sucking up to the music teacher."

"The principle said you were picking on him." Val snorted, looking over at me in amusement.

"That's because my bitch of a geometry teacher probably told him. I _swear_ she's out to get me." I wasn't lying. It seemed like form the very first day Mrs. Hoffmaster hated me, or at first, she disliked me at least.

Nothing else was said on the way home, other than Val and me sharing a few chuckles over the situation with Andy, even though I knew it was a little more serious than I was letting on. He was another person who seemed to have it out for me at the start.

"Payton!" Leana yelled from the living room once we got home, and once I got there I saw that all the girls were there, but no guys. I didn't mind though, I had really gotten used to being with them from our shopping trip last week. All in all, they were really cool. "What happened? Did you get in a fight?"

"No—I just told off this guy." I replied, collapsing on the loveseat next to Gena.

"Is he hot?" Lacey asked immediately, and I made a face.

"Do you like him?!" Gena demanded, but I _still_ didn't get a chance to reply.

"Oh, I bet it was a lovers' quarrel!" Michelle burst out, staring at me with wide, excited eyes.

Val laughed at my expression, which was a cross between horrified and disgusted. "Relax girls—I already interrogated her in the car. He's just jealous because the music teacher likes her more."

The girls looked deflated at this, but then Gena gasped, bouncing up and down in her seat slightly. "So what's up with you and that guy you always talk to on the phone... Tyler?"

At hearing that, everyone leaned forward in their seat, anticipating my answer. _Even Val._ If it were possible, my face grew even more horror-stricken and disgusted. "Trust me, _nothing_ is going on there. We're like brother and sister, that's just... _ew._" I hid my face in my hands, trying to the image Gena had created for me out of my head. What I said was completely true, Tyler and I thought of each other as siblings, and it was like incest to be thinking of him that way.

They nodded in understanding, and I was thankful they believed me. After about an hour of joking around with everyone, I retired to my room, wanting to talk to Tyler.

Our phone call was short, he hadn't been talking to me as much lately, but I tried my best to understand. _He had new friends now._ I couldn't expect him to take an hour or so out every day just to talk to me. But I did get a chance that I had made a potential friend, and then entire mess about Andy. He was worried over it, but trusted that I could handle it.

Someone knocked on my door, and I knew it was Jimmy just from the familiar sound of it. It opened seconds later, and he grinned at me as I swivelled around in my computer chair. "Matt wants you downstairs."

I stopped what I was doing once I heard Matt was home and got up, following Jimmy out. "I'm _so_ proud of you, Mini!" He cried once we got out into the hall and slung an arm over my shoulder. "You stood up for yourself!" I laughed light-heartedly as we made our way downstairs, but looked toward Jimmy questioningly as he pointed toward the kitchen, when loud laughter came from the living room.

"In the kitchen." I looked on helplessly as he left me there, just outside the kitchen as he joined everyone in the living room.

Matt smiled at me from behind the island, and I took a seat on one of the barstools across from him. "Val explained why you got detention, so I'm not mad about it," I sighed, relieved because he didn't make a big deal out of it, yet he still looked at me worriedly.

_Oh, god. What now?_

"She said you were having problems with a guy." He stated, standing up straight and crossing his arms over his chest.

I hurriedly shook my head, instantly knowing what he was getting at. "Matt, it's nothing. There's nothing to worry about, trust me. He's not gonna bug me anymore, I made sure of it today."

_Lie, lie, lie._ How did that flow so easily through my lips?

"Are you sure?" He asked, looking at me suspiciously, to which I nodded vigorously.

Even though he took that as a good enough answer, I could help but wonder if it _was_ something to worry about, that maybe I _should have_ told Matt about how Andy had pushed me against the lockers and threatened on the first day.

But I couldn't do that. He would ask what had set Andy off, and then I would have to tell him about how I beat him at guitar, but I lied about that already, too.

I have _got_ to stop lying.

--

.. Review, please? :)

4


	18. Chapter Seventeen

"Have fun, kiddo!" Matt called as I hopped out of the front seat. I snorted and looked back at him with a look that said 'yeah right' before waving and making my way through the campus in search of Dannii.

It had been a week since we met, and we instantly hit it off and quickly became friends. It had become tradition to meet up by the auditorium at the start of the day, then again at lunch.

I had found out that since moving here from England last year, she hadn't made any friends, either. _This school was just so welcoming._ She was the first friend I'd _ever_ made that was a girl, but it wasn't too different than being with Tyler. Maybe he was just a girl guy.

Today was different, though. She wasn't standing in front of the doors of the auditorium, or anywhere around the premises. I waited a few moments, before taking my phone out and texting her.

**Where are you?**

Five minutes later, my phone finally vibrated. Good thing, too—the bell for first period was about to ring.

**Not school. Home sick.**

My shoulders slumped as if I'd been deflated as I read that, but then a felt a pair of eyes on me. I glanced around, and quickly found who was staring at me. Andy was leaning against Building B, which was only across the garden from me, his arms crossed as he stared at me.

_Oh, no._ I could _not_ deal with that asshole today. There was nothing to look forward to; I wouldn't have any one to hang out with at lunch, and Mr. Thorne was out sick, too. The substitute couldn't even be considered a music teacher. She made us put our song on hold and gave us long, tedious worksheets.

That was it then, I'd made up my mind. I flipped Andy off, who narrowed his eyes at that, before turning on my heel and getting out of Huntington High as if there were a pack of rabid raccoons after me.

Matt should have considered himself lucky that I hadn't ditched school in the two weeks I'd been there, so I felt no remorse as I wandered up the sidewalk of Main Street, having no clue where I was going. _How long had I been there?_

When I came across a Starbucks, I stopped off and got a Caramel Frappuccino, and continued on my escapade, the way I had come. Even though I didn't know where I was, I had a general direction of where the beach was. All I had to do was keep heading down Main Street, and I would eventually (hopefully) stumble upon the beach.

It took longer than I had been expecting it to, about forty minutes to be precise, and pretty much almost got hit by a car when I had to cross the Pacific Coast Highway, but I didn't let it deter me. I was going to make the best of my day off.

There obviously weren't a lot of kids around, just a whole lot of tourists. I didn't mind though—it wasn't like I was skipping off of school with plans to socialize. I was slightly disappointed with what was there; a couple of pizza places and surf shops on the pier. Not a whole lot to do. I threw my empty cup in a trash bin before going down to the actual beach, and then under the pier.

The waves were small, so I didn't have to worry about getting swamped by one or anything. I took my shoes and socks off, stepping forward until the low tide was just in front of my toes. When the water hit my feet, I was slightly surprised by how cold it was, but then reminded myself that it _was_ winter.

With a sigh, I laid back until my head touched the hot sand. As I stared up at the bottom of the pier, I had trouble keeping my emotions in check. It felt so surreal to be here, and alone at the same time. I missed being best friends with Tyler _so_ much. I just hoped he would take enough time out to visit over Easter break like he had promised.

And my mother. Every time I thought about her, that all-too familiar, longing ache ran through my chest, almost as if my sternum was compressing against my heart. I let out a shaky breath and wrapped my arms over my chest, wanting the feeling to go away as I blinked back the tears.

I couldn't keep everything back anymore, and finally curled myself into a ball and let my tears out, thankful that I'd gone far up in the pier so no one could see me.

Every hour or so I checked my phone for the time, remembering how long it had taken me to get back to school. By noon my tears had subsided long ago, but I still stayed, finding more refuge in the pier than I thought possible. When 1:30 rolled around though, I knew I had to start making my way back to school, at least if I wanted to meet Matt on time. I had no plans of telling him I'd skipped off. I had to

I had to cut through the back of the school, because Matt would have found it more than a little suspicious if he saw me coming through the student parking lot. Just as I had entered the parking lot, the bell rang.

"That was fast." Matt noted when I opened the door, looking at me sceptically.

"Oh—uh—" _Shit._ I really should have thought this through a little more. "Mr. uh... Mr. Thorne let us out a little earlier than usual." I smiled in relief when he nodded, thanking my lucky stars that he hadn't read too much into it, because beyond that pitiful excuse, I had nothing.

"So," He began casually, but hesitance was clear in his tone. "That Andy kid bugged you since?"

Memories of the past week quickly flitted their way into my mind, and I had to force myself to keep the smile up. If anything, it had gotten worse. Much, _much_ worse. His _girlfriend_ had joined in on the harassment. I avoided them as much as I could, but harsh words were tossed around, from me and Dannii to Andy and his girlfriend and back again. I knew we had to settle it once and for all soon, but I wanted to put it off for as long as possible.

"Nope," I said, emitting a fake laugh. "Not since the time I got detention over it."

He smiled. "That's good."

Later that night, around six, I was on the phone with Tyler again, when Matt entered my room without even knocking. And that alone set me in a bad mood. I quickly told Tyler I had to go and hung up, before looking up at Matt with an annoyed expression, but I shrunk back slightly at the sight of him.

His arms were crossed, and he was staring down at me with his cell phone clutched tightly in his right hand. Obviously, something was up, so I immediately put up my tough facade and began spinning around and around in my chair like I had done so many other times. I rolled my eyes when he put his free hand on the back of my chair to stop me.

Finally, I decided to speak up. "Sup, Matt?"

"Is there anything you wanna tell me?" He asked slowly, and I knew then that he was on to _something_ I had done. He was giving me a chance to confess.

_Yes._ "No." I looked up at him as if he had grown three heads, and that seemed to make him a little angrier. He stepped back so he was sitting on my bed across from me.

"The school called," My blood ran cold and I froze for a second, before picking back up on spinning around in my chair, staring up at the ceiling. As far as I knew, it could have only been about two things. And neither of them were good.

"And?" I asked casually, feigning innocence.

"It was an automated message. You weren't at school today, were you?"

I began mentally cussing myself out. _I had forgotten about that._ It was then I finally decided to be honest with him. "No." One-word answers were much more do-able at that particular moment. I was slightly surprised, Matt looked pretty peeved.

"Well, if you weren't at school, where were you?" He asked, narrowing his eyes as he clenched his jaw.

"The beach." Well, that was _one_ of the places I'd been. I didn't think he would be interested in my trip to Starbucks.

"With who?" He demanded, and I stopped my spinning and looked at him as if it were obvious.

"Myself."

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, as if he were trying to calm himself down, which only made me annoyed, too. What was he so frustrated over? I was pretty sure he had cut class quite a few times in his days. "Do you know how dangerous it is to wander around Huntington alone?"

"It was broad daylight, Matt." I replied in a monotone, not letting myself get as worked up about it as he was.

"You could have just called me, Payton, I would have picked you up if you really didn't want to go today."

_Okay,_ I began trying to make sense of things and pinpoint exactly what he was mad about. _So he's not mad about me skipping off, but because I had wandered off alone?_

Not waiting for me to reply, he continued. "I'm serious about this, Payton. I don't want you wandering off alone like that again; you could have gotten into a lot of trouble." He let out a frustrated sigh when I didn't bother to reply. "Are you even listening?"

Honestly, if he had gone about this a little more calmly, I probably would have responded in a more reasonable way. _But he was trying to tell me what to do._ To me, he was basically _asking_ me to skip off to the beach again. I grinned nonchalantly. "Nope."

Just as he was about to say something, the phone began ringing. He glanced at the caller ID before looking back at me with annoyance in his eyes. "It's the school again. Wonder what it could be about."

That made me stop and pause. One of the reasons as to why the school would phone was already down, which left only one more thing to go. "Hello? Uh—yeah, this is him. Mr. Thorne?"

Standing up, he cradled the phone to his ear as he made his way out of my room, shutting the door behind him. I could hear him talking out in the hallway and tried to listen in, but I was panicking _way too much._

_Of course_ Mr. Thorne had to pick _this_ moment to phone. _Talk about bad timing. _

Five agonizingly long minutes later, Matt came back in, again without knocking. His expression was blank, but I could see anger building in his eyes. He stayed beside my open door and pointed out. "You," He gestured to me, then back to the door. "Follow me."

There wasn't much else I could do, because at that moment, he was pretty intimidating, so I didn't have much of a choice but to just follow him. _What was he, kicking me out or something?_

My assumption was proven wrong when we passed the foyer, and several guys poked their head out to see what was going on. "Where are ya' going, Matt?" Zacky asked, but Matt ignored him. This got the rest of the guys and girls up, and I looked back at them helplessly. By the time we got to the kitchen, they were all following closely behind.

"Matt, what's going on?" Val asked as he opened the door that led to the basement. I hadn't been down there yet, and I was just as clueless as everyone else. My jaw dropped once we got downstairs, there was _a recording studio_ down here—the whole shebang. But nonetheless, Matt walked right on past it, and into a large lounge off to the side. By then, I was pretty sure my jaw had already hit the floor.

Guitars and basses lined the walls, all sorts of different kinds and makes. _I thought the music room at school was kickass, it was nothing compared to this._ Matt pointed to a half stack off to the side. "Go set it up." He said, pointing from Brian to the amp. Brian looked beyond confused, but did as he asked anyway. Matt took a baby blue Stratocaster down from the wall and held it out for me to take.

I stared at it questioningly, but took it from him when it looked like his temper was about to flare. Moments later, Brian was back with a single cable, to which he plugged into the guitar I was still holding. I heard hushed, confused whispers from everyone behind me, but didn't look back.

"Play the song." I knew exactly what he was talking about, but figured that giving it _one more try_ couldn't hurt, right?

"What song?" I asked quietly, and then a pick was placed into my free hand. I glared up at Zacky, I had no excuses for not being able to play then. 

"The song you wrote in music class!" His voice rose slightly, but I forced myself not to flinch.

There was a way around that. "I didn't write a song in music class." I persisted, scrunching my eyebrows over in mock confusion. He gave me a look that could kill, and I finally gave in. _Well, I guess the secret's out._

I glanced back nervously at the small audience of friends that I was starting to consider family, and they all wore confused, yet encouraging expressions. I let out another long breath before launching into the song I'd become so familiar with. I was too nervous to enjoy playing it, but I heard sounds of shocked gasps and whispers behind me, and I was happy to see that Matt had at least a _small_ smile for me.

When the solo came, I made myself let go and get into it, or else it wouldn't be half as good. And if everyone was finally going to find about my guitar playing ability, I didn't want them thinking was shit. There was one more solo at the end of the song, but it was a short one, and then I was finished. I kept my gaze on the ground, and fiddled with the knobs on the guitar instead of looking up to see the everyone's reaction.

"Peanut, that was awesome!" Brian said, and both he and Zacky were instantly in front of me. "Who knew you had it in you?"

"P, did you write that yourself?" Zacky asked after they had both high-fived me. I smiled and hesitantly nodded. I had out my heart into it and I was proud of what came out of it.

Jimmy soon came into my view, and he was grinning from ear to ear. "Mini—seriously, why didn't you tell anyone?" I merely shrugged at that, still not being able to find my voice. _I wish I knew myself._

"Guys," Matt started, speaking for the first time since I started playing. "I have to talk to Payton—alone."

Everyone quickly caught on, and they were upstairs faster than I had ever seen them move before. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I hauled the guitar over my head, and handed it back to Matt. He placed it back in its original place on the wall before heading over to a sectional leather sofa in the back of the lounge, patting the seat next to him. _Well, at least he didn't look _too _angry anymore._

"Why did you lie?" He asked, much softer than I had been expecting.

"I didn't!" I said quickly on reflex, and then groaned. _That probably just made it so much worse._

My answer seemed to annoy him a little, but he managed to keep his voice at the same level. "Really? Would you like an example?" I shook my head, but nonetheless he pressed on. "No—wait, I can give you a few. Let's start with when we first met, the night before we left. You said you only played 'a little'," How the hell did he remember _that?_ "Then, just a couple of weeks ago, when I was signing you up for your classes. You said you 'sucked' at guitar."

At that point, I couldn't even meet his eyes. _I really fucked up on this one, hadn't I?_

"Look at me, Payton," Once I finally locked eyes with him, he sighed. "Patey, kiddo, I don't want you think I'm not proud of you. It's the opposite; I think it's awesome how well you can play. But you can't continue keeping things like this from us. It's not good for you, or anyone else."

"I know." I was honest about that, that one little lie I told him when we first met had blown up into something I couldn't handle.

"Alright," He paused and searched my face, as if trying to detect a lie. "Pinkie swear," I smiled and laughed slightly as he held his pinkie out for me, but waited to see just what I was getting into. "That from now on, you're not going to keep anything from me.

_That seemed to be easy enough._ All of the big ones were out of the way, anyway. There really wasn't much else I was keeping from him. Still smiling, I locked our pinkies together, but was still surprised when he pulled me into a hug.

"Oh, and Patey?" He asked a few minutes later, I was walking back and forth, my eyes scanning over all of the guitars on the wall. I looked back at him. "Can you try not to get into anymore trouble at school?"

Now _that_ was something I couldn't guarantee, but I nodded. He said _try,_ right? And I would at least _try_ to avoid confrontation with Andy and his plastic trophy, but if a chance to say, _break his face,_ arose, I certainly wasn't going to pass up on it.

--

Review? :)

4


	19. Chapter Eighteen

"So," Dannii started the next day at lunch, beaming. I had no idea _why_, because we were just discussing the upcoming Biology test that we had to study for, but it certainly helped brighten the mood. "How 'bout I come over to your house and we can study together?"

I wavered, wondering how the hell I was going to go about telling her my father was a rock star. _Who was also in one of her favourite bands._ She noticed my hesitation, and held her hands up. "I mean—if you don't want to, that's okay—"

"No, no," I interrupted, knowing I couldn't keep something like that from her. "It's just that, I have to tell you something." She nodded exuberantly and plopped down next to me, both of us under the shade of the tree we were still frequenting. "But you have to promise you'll believe me!" Once again, she nodded eagerly, so I sighed and continued. "My dad, he's... his name is Matt Sanders."

As I watched her eyes widen, then stare at me blankly, I wondered if I could have gone about that a little better. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she broke out into a grin. "You can't seriously mean that as in, your dad is M. Fucking Shadows!"

"Shh," I whispered, looking around to see if anyone was within earshot. That was the _last_ thing I wanted the whole school to know. "_No _one around here knows. But did you notice how my last name is Wilson-Sanders? I swear I'm not lying about this, Dannii."

She nodded slowly, and pulled her knees up to her chest. "I believe you." She said after a few moments, and then smiled again. "And before you ask, I won't tell anyone."

"I understand why you were so hesitant to tell me," She said as we got up when the bell rang, about to go our separate ways. "And I'm really glad you trust me enough with that information."

I smiled back, realizing just how quickly I had come to trust her. She was always so honest though, I knew we would always be great friends. "Meet me by the auditorium, okay? Matt always gives me a ride home." She quickly nodded and looked at me a little oddly. _Probably because I hadn't called Matt 'dad'. _On the way to P.E, I promised myself that I would explain everything to her.

Thankfully, P.E passed quickly and I was on my way to my music class before I knew it. Mr. Thorne was _still_ working on getting me into his advanced class, at least that's what he said to Matt on the phone last night. And I was also happy to find out that he was back from the workshop he had been gone to for the past few days.

When he saw me, he grinned. "Hey, Payton! You work everything out with your dad?"

I could only imagine what Matt said to him on the phone last night. "Yep, everything's good." I said as I took a Les Paul down from the wall, then caught Andy's glare. _For the most part._

"Everyone ready to present tomorrow?" Mr. Thorne asked as soon as everyone sat down, and most of the class let out a groan. I, however, was ready to present my song over a week ago. I was basically goofing off with a guitar ever since. Mr. Thorne didn't seem to have any problems with that, either. He often sat and watched when the other kids didn't need any help.

Whenever he would, though, he didn't stay long because Andy would always ask for help whenever Mr. Thorne was even _near_ me. I _still_ didn't quite know what was up with that. _Did he have some sort of man-crush on him or something?_

"So—I'm _really_ gonna meet M. Shadows in about two minutes, aren't I?" Dannii asked me when we met by the auditorium. It seemed like it was really, finally sinking in for her, and I smiled, hoping it would help her relax.

"He's not that bad. _Nice_ even, after you get to know him." I grinned as I said that, knowing that she had no doubts about Matt _not_ being nice.

She was practically bouncing on her feet on the way to the parking lot, and I smirked, making sure to take my time. I gave Matt a wide smile as we got into the SUV, then glanced over at Dannii. I was actually _hoping_ she would have a fangirly moment, but she just stared at him, wide-eyed. "You're really M. Shadows—you're really Payton's dad!"

"Matt, this is Dannii, Danni this is Matt." I introduced, and Matt smiled at her, seemingly relaxed. He was more than likely just happy to know that I hadn't been _completely_ anti-social in my three weeks of being there.

My smile widened even more as Dannii began literally bouncing in her seat. "Payton—P-Body!" I groaned, still not liking the nickname she put on me last week after coming out of her Biology class. "Your dad really is M. Shadows!"

I nodded solemnly. "It's not as fun as it sounds."

"Ugh, I'm shocked Payton!" Matt said from the driver's seat. "It _looked_ like you were having a bit of fun over the past few weeks."

"Well, looks can be deceiving." I retorted, still only joking around. What I said seemed to catch Matt off guard though, and he shot me one of his worried glances through the rear-view mirror.

We bickered until we got back to the house; all the while Danni remained silent, grinning. I knew she was about to burst at any moment. She just needed a trigger. _And I knew exactly what, or who, it would be._

"Jimmy!" I yelled, kicking my shoes off in the foyer. "Someone wants to meet you!" An audible gasp came from Dannii, which only made me smirk even more.

Only seconds later, Jimmy appeared in the archway, grinning from ear to ear. "Jimmy, Dannii. Dannii, Jimmy." I introduced them both with the wave of my hand, and that was all it took for Jimmy to take her into a bone crushing hug, swaying her from side to side.

Once he pulled away, he grinned, patted her head, and walked away. "Oh my _god!"_ Dannii gasped, jumping up and down. "Jimmy Sullivan—The Rev—just _hugged_ me!" She gave me another cheeky grin, and I could tell she was holding back a scream.

"Come on," I said, trying to be as excited as she was. "We can hang out down in the lounge while we study." I hoisted my backpack on again and hauled her through the house. Once we were downstairs and in the recording studio, her jaw went slack as she stared around.

"Yeah," I snickered and continued, still in awe of the place. I really wish I'd known about sooner, I was down there until late, _late,_ last night, and even then Matt had to drag me upstairs. "That was my reaction too. Just wait til' you see _this._"

If it were possible, her eyes grew even wider and her eyebrows shot up. I stayed in the archway of the lounge as she walked around, letting her take it all in. She went straight toward the wall with all of the bass guitars. "Do you play?" I asked.

When she said nothing, I laughed and took it as a yes. "You _can_ touch them, you know." I said as I took down one of Syn's custom Schechter's from the wall, then went over to stand beside her. "Take your pick," I said, gesturing around the room just as Mr. Thorne had done with me in the music room all those weeks ago.

I knew next to nothing about bass guitars, but the one she chose was one that Johnny frequently used, but that was as far as I got to recognizing it. The fretboard was rosewood and it had a steel pickgaurd, but the rest of it was a shiny, sleek black.

Dannii looked like she had just died and gone to heaven, just holding it. Within minutes, we both had our instruments set up, and Dannii finally seemed to come out of her trance. "So what are we gonna do now?"

"Uh—jam I guess?" I chuckled, realizing that I hadn't even thought of that yet, either.

"Oh, okay! Well what song do you wanna do?" She asked, and I paused, taking a moment to think. It had to be something we both agreed on.

"How 'bout an 'In This Moment' song?" I asked, my grin coming back full force. Just the thought of having someone to jam with again had me over the moon.

Thoughts of studying for Biology were long gone, nowhere near the top of our priority list. "Do you know 'Ashes'?"

That happened to be one of my favourite songs from In This Moment, so I had no problems agreeing with her on it. It was fast and it was fun, exactly what I was looking for in covering a song. I nodded and fixed my guitar strap on my shoulder, readying my fingers on the fretboard.

With a count to three, we launched into the song. I wasn't surprised by how well she played, I could tell just from how she held the bass she would be great at it.

Somewhere in the middle of the song, I saw two people in the archway, but didn't look back because it would break my concentration. Once we had finished the song, we turned to see who was watching us.

Zacky and Brian stood there, both of them smirking. Dannii tried to keep her cool, but began bouncing on her toes like she had done before. "Anything you guys need?" I asked when the guys didn't speak.

"Oh, we're just—we came down to say Hi to your friend." Zacky said, smiling as he and Brian approached.

"Dannii, this is Brian and Zacky. Guys, this is Dannii." I said, still not great at the whole 'introducing' thing.

Five minutes later after Brian and Zacky had talked with Dannii and she had relaxed a bit, Zacky got one of his guitars down and smirked from me to Dannii. "You mind if I join you guys?"

"Let's do an A7X song!" Dannii burst out, glancing between everyone excitedly. Brian smirked and stepped back, watching for my reaction.

What could I say? I obviously couldn't be like _hell no_, because Dannii looked beyond excited to play an A7X song with "the" Zacky Vengeance. "How about I sit out for this one and just you play with Zacky?" I suggested, not being able to hide my own smirk. _I just barely got around that one_.

They played what they could of 'The Wicked End' with just the bass and rhythm guitar, but it had an awesome bass riff and Zacky had insisted they play it. And Dannii didn't have any problem with it.

Smiling, I stood next to Brian and watched Zacky and Dannii _Maybe it wouldn't be so bad here, after all._ Things were much easier now that I'd spilled my guts about just about everything I had been keeping secret, and now that I finally had a friend who was my age, it made everything that much more bearable.

_But were things _really_ getting better? _

--

Sorry for the shortness. I wanted a little more of Dannii in it before a bit of drama comes ;) Review?


	20. Chapter Nineteen

My fists clenched involuntarily at my sides, and I was pretty sure a certain vein in my forehead was protruding disturbingly as I put all of my willpower in restraining myself.

Larissa, Andy's girlfriend, stood a few meters in front of me in the middle of the hallway. She thought she was blocking me from going any further. I was _trying_ to get out of the building and go to lunch with Dannii, but if Larissa wanted to do this, I was up for it too. She noisily popped her chewing gum and placed her hands on her hips, staring at me with a look of inferiority.

The way she was acting made me want to break her artificial nose already, but I remembered all of the promises I had made. And she was _not_ who started it. She was only following along with whatever Andy was doing because she couldn't think for herself.

"Do you _seriously _think you're better than my Drewberry?" She asked, and her annoying, nasally voice made me cringe.

"Who?" I asked incredulously, looking at her as if she were even more brainless than I thought. _Please don't tell me that's her nickname for him._

"Uh—_duh,_" She said, her denim miniskirt whooshing as she took a small step forward. "Andrew—or Andy if you're _that_ slow."

Glancing away and back to her, I scoffed. "Sorry to inform you, but I _am_ better than your boyfriend."

Normally, I wouldn't have been so _confident_ about guitar, but both Larissa and Andy managed to bring out the worst in me. My response seemed to irritate her, maybe because this was the first time someone hadn't agreed with every word she said. She took another 'menacing' step forward, until she was only a few feet away from me.

_Never throw the first punch,_ I kept reminding myself, _especially_ in school.

"Listen, you little slut," She hissed, her demeanour changing from prissy and arrogant to completely pissed off in a split second. She smirked when she noticed how she had a half a head over me, and at that point I really didn't know how I was still restraining myself. "You don't _deserve_ all of the attention my Andy is giving to you. You should be grateful he's even acknowledging you. But _I_ don't like it, so you better like, _back off!"_

I knew then, that Larissa was just as twisted as her boyfriend, if not more. _They deserved each other._ I zoned out, even though I was leaning for. "Say something, you fucking little whore—"

That was all she got out before I had her tackled to the ground, all thoughts of who was throwing what punch disappearing. But I guess it was my fault for underestimating her because she flipped me over, her overly-manicured nails scratching anything they could reach. This was it, I was fucking sick of their deranged antics and it was going to stop right then.

"Stop scratching, you fucking pansy!" I threw a punch, but one of her hands got in the way just as the other came in contact with my lip. I could taste the blood from the scratch she left. But it didn't hurt; it only angered me even more. I blocked another punch and gave it another try, this time my fist connected with her jaw, a sickening (or satisfying, whichever way you want to look at it) crunch echoing through the corridor.

With a strangled sob, she rolled off of me and curled into a ball on the floor, holding her chin. I quickly jumped to my feet and looked around, surprised that a crowd hadn't gathered. It was still just us there.

Larissa let out a howl of pain and I rolled my eyes. "Suck it the fuck up. You started it." I snapped, flexing the hand I punched her with to make sure it wasn't broken, because I _did_ hit her pretty hard, and my hand was paining. But nothing too serious was wrong with it, however I couldn't say the same about Larissa's jaw. What I said only made her cry more, and I still didn't feel an ounce of remorse.

"Larissa?!" A voice at the end of the hall screeched, and I groaned. It was Mrs. Hoffmaster, and she dragged her skeletor-like body down the hall as fast as she could. "Larissa, what happened?" She shrieked in panic and kneeled down beside Larissa, not yet taking notice of me.

I _knew_ I should have left when I had the chance, because even though Larissa was still wailing like a banshee, she managed to pry one of her hands from her face and point back to me.

Mrs. Hoffmaster glared at me, and began trying to get Larissa to her feet. "Help me take her to the nurse, looks like you need it too."

"There's no way I'm touching that skank again," I said scathingly, turning around. "Get her there yourself." I walked away, ignoring the both of them as I made my way down the hall at a leisurely pace.

Over the past few weeks, I'd really gotten to know my way around campus, so I found my way to the nurse's office quickly. I let the nurse clean me up, but it didn't take much. A dab of rubbing alcohol on all scratches Larissa left, some gauze on my raw knuckles, and I was soon on my way to the office.

No one else was in the main part of the office, and I had a feeling I wouldn't be seeing Larissa anymore that day. I was also pretty sure I wouldn't be going back to class, and I remembered that I was supposed to present my song in music class today.

_Goddamnit,_ she _had_ to pick today to fight, didn't she? A new spurt of rage surged through me just as the Mr. Dunford came out of his office. He looked at me sternly before gesturing for me to go into his office. Once in there, I plopped down onto the chair and tossed my backpack to the side. I seriously didn't have time for this; I needed to get back to class.

"Mrs. Hoffmaster talked to Larissa and she explained _everything,_" He said not bother to sit as he stood behind his desk. He probably thought it would intimidate me a little more.

"I can only _imagine_ what shit Larissa's talking." I said, staring up at the ceiling. The rubbing alcohol had really irritated the scratches, and my lip was beginning to throb.

"That it quite enough, Ms. Sanders!" Mr. Dunford snapped, which only made me roll my eyes.

"I already told you, it's Wilson." I stated, my voice raising slightly. I was beginning to lose what cool I had left. Couldn't he just get to the punishment already?

The door to the main office opened, and I leaned my chair all the way back until I could see out of Mr. Dunford's open door. I was only doing that to irritate him, of course, but I wasn't expecting the person who came in to be _Matt._ I tipped my chair back so it was in its original place and rested my chin in my hand, staring straight ahead.

Matt came straight in, and I was guessing he saw me peeking out. He shook hands with Mr. Dunford before sitting down in the chair next to me. Taking my chin, he made me look at him, tilting my head from side to side to assess the damage. Honestly, I had no idea what I looked like at that moment, but Matt frowned at what he saw.

Mr. Dunford sighed as he sat down in his seat, and after Matt let go of my chin I glared at Mr. Dunford. _Of course he would call Matt in._ Matt nudged me and cleared his throat, but I didn't listen.

"Well, Mr. Sanders, from what Mrs. Hoffmaster and I can gather, Payton started the fight, and then had the audacity not to help the girl to the nurses office. As a result of the fight, Larissa's jawbone is dislocated."

_Nice._ Maybe she knows to back off from now on. Nonetheless, I hastily stood up. _"What?_ She provoked me!" I yelled, and Matt yanked me back down, keeping a hand on my forearm so I didn't try to get back up. We both glared at each other for a moment before he turned back to Mr. Dunford.

"_But,_ she has graciously agreed not to press charges." Matt nodded again, and I shifted anxiously in my seat, wanting to leave. "Since this is Payton's second offence, I cannot suspend her. But I _will_ be giving her the maximum amount of demerits, and she will have two weeks of detention."

"And what about Larissa," I asked loudly, trying to pull my arm out of Matt's grip. "What's her punishment?"

"I believe her injuries are punishment enough, Ms. Sanders."

I ripped my arm from Matt's grip and retrieved my backpack by the door, not once looking back at them."What the fuck ever, piece of plastic shit." I grumbled on my way out, slamming the main door as I left, not caring if Matt was following. I walked to the parking lot and got in Matt's SUV. The day was almost over then, and the chance to present my song today was long gone.

"What the fuck was that?" Matt demanded as soon as he got into the car. I ignored him and stared out the passenger window, refusing to look at him. He let out a loud, frustrated sigh and pulled out of the parking lot.

The drive home was silent, which I was thankful for. I couldn't handle Matt blowing up over something as stupid as a fight, especially in the car. Hopefully, he would be cool about it, but judging from the look on his face before I looked out the window, I seriously doubted it.

"Go to your room." Matt said as soon as we got into the house, which only made me roll my eyes. I was _planning_ on going there in the first place, but now that Matt _told me to_, I made sure I wouldn't be. I walked straight past the stairs and toward the kitchen, and then I heard the fast familiar footsteps of Jimmy and braced myself.

After crushing me into a hug, he stepped back and held me at arm's length, assessing my injuries just as Matt had. I noticed everyone else scattered throughout the kitchen, including all the girls. He held up my bandaged knuckles almost proudly. "Mini! I thought you were dead, I thought you were never coming back! You didn't lose, did you?!"

"No, Jim, I didn't lose. A little dramatic though, eh?" I chuckled, my sour mood melting away slightly and was replaced with the bubbly happiness Jimmy seemed to spread around. I sighed when I looked behind my back and saw Matt stand right behind me. "I'll be down in the lounge." I said, brushing past Matt.

"Payton, I said—" I shut the basement door before Matt could get the rest out. When I got down to the lounge, I paced around one of the sofas. I'd just wasted one of my 'offenses' on that bitch. Now, if Andy and I were to get into a fight, I would get _suspended._ Which I didn't mind at all, but I had a feeling that wouldn't go over too well with Matt. I didn't know if I could handle his bitching if I did end up out of school for a week or so.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and crept back up the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible. He probably wanted me to go to my room so he could discuss my 'punishment' or some stupid thing like that. I hoped he knew what was coming if he tried to ground me or something insane like that. _Hell_ would be coming if he tried to pull that shit.

The door swung open silently, and I heard voices coming from the living room. Once I was sure no one was in the kitchen, I crept through the hallway and pressed my back against the wall next to the archway that led to the living room.

"I think I need to start setting a few rules out for her, guys. She needs to know that there are consequences for her actions." I held back a gag as I listened to Matt.

"If you think that's what's best, babe, then—" I had nothing against Val, but I just couldn't stand just standing there and listening, so I barged in, interrupting her.

"Matt, you _can't_ be serious! _Rules?_ How old do you think I am?" Matt looked up at me calmly, unfazed by my outburst. Jimmy was up in a split second though, and he made me sit down next to him and Leana, keeping an arm over my shoulder, probably so I would try to get up again.

"Calm down, Mini." He said softly, and I sighed.

Crossing my arms, I glared at the floor, still refused to look at him. "Payton, I'm serious. You can't be getting into fights like this. What if next time you aren't able to defend yourself and you get seriously hurt? All because I was too soft to set out some rules."

He was scared I would get hurt? Come _on._ I was happy then that he _didn't_ know about the whole Andy situation, because that would on back his theory up even more.

"Trust me, Matt, rules are the _last_ thing I need. Just... don't tell me what to do, and I'll be fine!" I persisted, having no plans on giving up on this.

"Oh really?" He asked, almost amused. "I let you run loose the last few weeks, and in that time, you got detention, ditched, and got into a fight. And I didn't tell you what to do."

Not having anything to say to that, I groaned. "Aren't you at least going to let me explain what happened?" When he said nothing, I took it as my cue to continue. "She's just some cheerleader bitch, and she's been annoying me for weeks. We had to end it sometime!"

"Why didn't you come to me about it?" He asked simply, leaning forward in his seat and resting his chin in his hands.

I _had_ promised I wouldn't keep anything from, hadn't I? "It—that was different, Matt. It was just some stuck up bitch. Every school has one, and I never thought it would end up like this." What I said was true. She was the school bitch, and I wasn't expecting to get into a fight with _her._

"Still, Payton," He ran a hand through his hair and leaned back on the sofa. "You could have gotten seriously hurt. What if it was that Andy kid who you got into a fight with?"

Okay, _he was getting too close to home._ "But I wasn't Matt, and I already told you. I ended it with him like, _weeks_ ago!" I said, trying to deflect the argument to something else, but coming up short.

"Look, Patey, the rules are simple. Just don't get in trouble at school, which includes means no more fights or ditching. There'll be consequences, like uh... _grounding?"_ I almost laughed, he sounded so unsure about it.

"And what does that entail?" I asked skeptically, calming down for just a moment to humour him. I had _never_ been grounded before, and the idea of Matt actually trying to get it to work almost had me laughing out loud.

"Listen to your dad, Payton." Brian said, and I realized that was the first time anyone other than me or Matt had spoken. _That_ made me want to laugh even more. _Synyster Gates_ was telling me to listen to my father? _This was just getting better and better._

Matt smiled in Brian's direction before continuing. "Well, the normal stuff obviously, like taking your phone and laptop away," He said, and I began smirking. If I'd have known it was going to be _that_ easy, then I wouldn't have made such a fuss over it. "But that's not gonna have much of an effect on you, is it?"

Zacky let out a few laughs when the smirk left my face and I glowered at him. "Well, I guess it depends on _what_ you get in trouble for. But I'd probably take away your guitar, too."

I'd had enough, and I was practically _bursting_ with resentment. I shrugged Jimmy's arm off and stood up, glaring straight at Matt. "This shit's not gonna work Matt, just so you know."

He let out a heavy sigh. "We'll see about that."

"Ugh—just—_fuck,"_ I couldn't even from a full sentence, so to save myself from any further embarrassment, I stormed out. "You can go fuck yourself for all I care!" I yelled as I stomped up the stairs, and continued cussing and mumbled all the way to my room.

_This was not good._ Matt _could not_ get all parental now. It would ruin all the progress we had made so far, and I was actually starting to _like_ being there.

Why did he have to worry about every little every little thing? It _wasn't_ that serious. I _was_ okay. I made myself believe that, so why couldn't he?

3


	21. Chapter Twenty

After detention the very next day, I was momentarily surprised to see not one, but two SUV's waiting for me. Val and Michelle were in the front seat of one, while Matt and Brian in the other. From the looks of it, the girls were in one while the boys were in the other.

Today had gone without incident. I hadn't seen Andy or Larissa at all, and I finally got to present my song in music. I got a ninety since Mr. Throne had to take off ten percent because I hadn't been there to present on the first day. Apparently they considered that late. For me that was only one more reason to hate Andy, Larissa, Mrs. Hoffmaster and the principle.

I hadn't talked to Matt since last night. Childish? I didn't know, but probably. Now that I had the option not to have to ride with Matt, I jogged over to the girls' car and they all grinned when I got opened the door. Since all the seats in the front and second row were taken, I hauled myself into a seat in the very back.

"Payton! Guess where we're going?" Leana asked excitedly, turning around so she could see me.

"Where?" I forced a smile, going along with everything because I didn't want to be mean.

"The mall!" Leana, Lacey and Gena screamed in unison, while Michelle and Val just laughed from the front seat.

"Fun." I said sarcastically, making a face as I slumped in my seat. I took my backpack off and pushed it to the other side of the seat.

Michelle shot me a sympathetic glance and smiled. "Awe, don't worry P, I promise we'll go to some stores you like this time!"

Was that supposed to make me feel better? I guess I didn't exactly mind going to the mall, I just didn't want to spend time with Matt. Last night consisted of me beating my pillows up again, refusing to let Matt into my room, and not being able to get into contact with Tyler. I wanted to talk to him badly, and that was what I was planning on doing when I got home.

The drive to the mall only lasted a few fleeting minutes, and once we got out, I shielded my eyes from the sun. It was swelteringly warm out that day, and I left my hoodie in the car. If I had to wear it into the mall, I was sure I would have died from heat exhaustion.

"Did you eat lunch today?" Matt asked quietly as we made our way across the parking lot.

_Of course he had to ask about that._ I almost forgot he worried about every little thing. I didn't acknowledge him; instead I just glared at the back of Syn's black Nike sneakers. He must have felt my stare because he looked back, but then shrugged when he saw Matt walking next to me.

They all probably thought I was overreacting about this, but this was actually _mild_ to how I could have reacted. I _could have_ gone and gotten into a fight with a random person or ditched school today just to piss Matt off, but I didn't. _But it was tempting._

"I'll meet you guys in a few minutes. I'm taking Payton to the food court, okay?" Matt said once we got into the mall, and although the air condition helped me relax a little, I let out an agitated sigh when everyone nodded in agreement.

"I'm not hungry." I said through clenched teeth as I planted myself on a chair at one of the tables in the food court. That being the first time I had talked to him since last night when I told him to 'leave me the fuck alone' through my door.

He sat down across from me, clearing his throat as his eyebrows drew together in worry. "What do you want to eat?" He asked, looking around the bustling food court and then trying to lock his eyes with mine.

I curled my lip, gave him a look of annoyance, and looked away. He leaned forward, smiling as he tried to lighten the mood. "Come on, you have to be hungry," How he knew I hadn't eaten lunch, I didn't know. But it annoyed the hell out of me. "You want sushi, Mexican? Pizza? If you're not gonna tell me what you want, I'm just gonna get you some Subway, okay?"

When I didn't answer, he still managed to keep the smile on his face and stood up. "I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere."

That gave me the _best_ idea I'd gotten in months, I hesitated, which was my first mistake. I should have just left then, but I waited for a few minutes. Just when I was about to get up and ditch Matt, an over tanned, slightly buff torso came into my view, and I instantly knew who it was, and it wasn't one of the guys. "What the fuck do you want, Andy?" I hissed, glaring up at him. If Matt saw him we were _both_ screwed.

Andy looked like he was about to burst with rage, and he held onto the top of the chair Matt had vacated with a death grip. I remained in my seat, still shocked that he was actually there.

"I saw what you did to my girlfriend, you skank, and I'm just letting you know that you're gonna pay." He said lowly, his voice so quiet I could barely hear him myself.

"Listen, Andy, I really couldn't give a shit right now, you have to get out of here before my—" A hand appeared on Andy's shoulder before I could say anything else, and then I wanted to scream in frustration.

"Is there a problem here?" Matt asked slowly and his grip on Andy's shoulder visibly tightened. Andy stood there, frozen on the spot for a moment before he managed to plaster a fake smile onto his face.

"Not at all, sir," He started pleasantly. "I was just saying hi to Payton. But uh—I'll be going now." He said, glancing nervously to Matt's hand which was still on his shoulder.

Matt started at him for a few more moments, his gaze more intimidating than I had ever seen before, and finally let Andy go. As Matt sat down and placed the tray of Subway on the table, there was only one thing I could be thankful for; that Andy hadn't recognized Matt. That would have been _so_ bad.

"Who was that?" He finally asked after a few seconds had passed. I folded my arms across my chest and focused my glare on him.

"It was nothing."

"Well it sure looked like something. And it looked pretty serious, too. Payton, tell me who that guy was."

"I already told you, it was nothing Matt. Just drop it." I said, knowing I was going to avoid that last question at all costs. I seriously _didn't_ want to know how he would react if he found out that Andy was still 'bugging' me, and the girl I got into a fight with yesterday was his _girlfriend._

"No, Payton," He said, frustrated as he leaned forward. "I'm not going to drop it. Was it a kid from school? Are you having problems with him?"

Realizing that like he said, he wasn't going to let it go anytime soon, I stood up from my seat. "Just—just leave me the fuck alone Matt." I said softly, wishing my words would have come out as harsh and tough as I wanted them to.

I stumbled through the food court, zigzagging through the crowd to get out of there as quickly as I possibly could. It was too loud, everyone was talking, so I didn't know if he tried calling me back.

On a whim, I went down an escalator. I'd only been in this mall about two or three times before, and even then I had someone to follow. I had essentially no clue where I was going, but knowing I just wanted to be by myself for at least a few minutes.

_Everything_ was too much for me. I felt like there wasn't anything I _could_ tell Matt about, at least without it backfiring on me. And then what was the point? I definitely wouldn't feel better about it then.

I knew it was stupid, and I knew it was childish, but I still wished everything could go back to the way it was before. I couldn't help it. Every now and then my mind would drift back to now what seemed liked distant memories, of my mother, Tyler and I. My two very best friends. All the trouble we got into, and how after a while, my mother had learned to just laugh along with us as long as what we did wasn't too drastic.

Even though I hadn't lost Tyler in the physical sense of the word, and we still talked and whatnot, I felt like he was slipping away from me. I _couldn't_ lose him. To me, not only was he my best friend, but also my brother.

Blinking back the tears, I realized that I'd been walking around for ten minutes or more and I was officially lost. After checking my phone, Matt had called and texted me multiple times, but I chose to ignore them and let him sweat for a little while longer.

Several girls were hovering over a figure farther down the mall, and I soon came to the conclusion that they were getting autographs from Zacky. He signed a messenger bag and a CD, then talked to them for a while before they smiled giddily and left.

Hanging out with Zacky for a little while didn't seem like too bad of an idea, so I casually made my way up to him once the girls were out of sight. "Yo, Zacky Vengeance! Can I have your babies and shit?" I asked in a low, gruff voice that I thought sounded like a biker a few feet behind him, suppressing my giggles.

He turned around wide-eyed, straining to keep a smile on his face, until he saw it was me at least. He laughed and ruffled my hair. "Jesus, Mini. You scared the shit out of me."

"Stop calling me that," I said as we began walking. "Only Jimmy can..." I trailed off, my eyes fixed on what looked like a tattoo parlour.

"So what, I'm not special enough?" Zacky pouted, but I didn't reply for a few moments.

"Hey, is that a tattoo parlour?" I asked, pointing to what looked like a lounge, but outside it a huge sign read 'Pacific Ink Tattoo'. When he nodded, I continued, the gears quickly turning over in my head. "Do they do piercings, too?"

Although I had heard of this sort of thing, I had never actually seen a tattoo parlour in a mall before. And it was intriguing.

"Yeah I think... _why?"_ He asked warily, trying to turn me in the other direction so I couldn't see the shop. I swivelled back around, smiling up at Zacky.

"Hey, Zacky? Will you take me to get the other side of my lip pierced? _Please?"_ I added when he looked at me sceptically.

"I... I dunno, P," He said hesitantly. "I think we should see what Matt thinks of it first."

That set me off a little. If Matt didn't let me get it done, that would make him even more of a hypocrite. "I don't give a shit what Matt thinks." I huffed, and sighed when his expression hardened over slightly. "Look, he wouldn't care anyway."

"Where is he, anyway?" He asked, looking behind me as if Matt was hiding somewhere.

_Might as well be truthful._ "I ditched him in the food court." Zacky groaned.

"Payton, that was—he's gonna be so mad." He said as he took several steps forward, away from the tattoo parlour.

"Hey—wait Zacky! Come on! That's only another reason to get it done _now_, so we don't have to deal with a grouchy Matt." I pleaded, grabbing his arm before he could go any further.

"Alright, come on," He sighed after a few more minutes of hesitation, and I grinned. "Before I change my mind."

Fifteen minutes later, we were out of the tattoo parlour, and I could now happily say that my snakebites were complete. "Thanks, Zacky." I said, still smiling. Zacky only nodded in response, already having his phone out to speed-dial Matt.

On the other end of the phone, I could hear Matt frantically talking from where I was standing a few feet away from Zacky. "I've got Payton." He said simply, cutting off Matt from rambling anymore.

I could almost _hear_ Matt's relieved sigh, and Zacky told him we'd meet him back up in the food court before hanging up. I trailed slightly behind Zacky because I still had no idea where I was going, and swung my bag of piercing aftercare supplies around carelessly. I smirked lopsidedly at Matt once we spotted him back up in the food court. He looked relieved to see me, but only for a moment.

"_Please_ tell me that's not what I think it is." He asked, nodding toward my lip.

"It is," Zacky said with a sigh. "She talked me into it."

"Did you get all the stuff you need to take care of it?" Matt asked, to which I nodded and held up my bag of supplies.

Nudging Zacky, I smirked at him. "See, I told you he wouldn't care."

"Payton!" I heard Leana scream at us from behind. If there was anything I learned about her in the last few months, it was that she was just as crazy as Jimmy. I turned around to greet the girls, and my eyes widened at the sight. They each held at least three bags in each arm, and they were all grinning as if they just got their fix. I was pretty sure we'd only been there for a half an hour, maybe an hour tops.

"We missed you so much, P! Come on; let's go to all the stores you like!" She said, rushing up to me and taking my arm. She stopped short. "Oh, you got your lip done! It's _so_ pretty!"

All the girls agreed, and then commenced in hauling me off through the mall. _They sure didn't like wasting time. _"Hey, wait! She didn't eat yet!" Matt yelled, now about fifteen feet away from us. I almost grinned, thinking it would save me from the shopping trip.

"Don't worry babe!" Val called, not even looking back. "I'll make sure she eats, we'll meet you back here in two hours!"

_This was going to be a long two hours._

"Oh, this would look _so_ cute on you!" Gena said, throwing a denim romper in my general direction. We were in Wet Seal by then, and although all of the stores we had gone to I had suggested, they hadn't even asked me if I wanted to go in there or not.

I let out a long, dramatic groan. "Rompers... they aren't my style." I said, holding it out in front of me. I grimaced, knowing that it wouldn't look decent on me.

"What _is_ your style, then?" Michelle asked skeptically, and I simply gestured down at my attire. A band t-shirt and skinny jeans were always the way to go for me. _Simple_ being the keyword. Nonetheless, I headed toward the changing room, knowing that if Gena thought something would look _so cute_ on me, she wouldn't be giving up on it.

As I was pulling it on, my arm brushed against my lip and that seemed to make it throb even more than it had before. It wasn't as if I hadn't been expecting it—as it had swollen up quite a bit, too—it just shocked me. Once I got it on, I stood there, looking down at myself doubtfully.

"Come on," Val called through the door, "Let us see!" I sucked in a deep breath and swung the door open, looking at all the girls monotonously.

"Payton, you look _adorable!"_ Leana squealed, taking my hand and leading me out even further. "You have to get it!"

Once again, all the girls agreed. "If we put you in some heels, you'd look amazing..." Val trailed off, both of us looking at my outfit in the mirror. I sighed.

"If I agree to get it, can we leave?" I asked pleadingly, feeling exhausted. I just wanted to get back to the house, phone Tyler and go to sleep. _That sounded like the perfect night right now._

Val smiled and nodded understandingly, and we made our way toward the counter in the back of the store. When we finally got out of there, we headed back up to the food court, me trailing sluggishly behind the group and my bags almost touching the floor.

The guys were together off to the side in the food court, and a throng of fans circled around them. This was new for me, whenever we'd gone out before they were never recognized that much. Val just barely glanced at them before turning back to me. "How 'bout we get you something to eat while we're waiting for the guys?"

All I could do was nod mechanically and follow Val as she weaved through the crowd. I decided on pizza, not knowing what Matt did with the food he had gotten me earlier. Subway didn't sound very appetizing at that moment, anyway.

By the time I was finished, the guys were ready and we finally left the mall, I chose to ride with the girls again because Matt kept shooting those worried/nervous glances, and he only did that when he wanted to talk about something heavy. That was what I was planning on doing with Tyler when I got home, and I didn't know if I could handle it all _twice._

When we got back to the house, everyone began getting out and into their own cars with their significant other, heading home. I waved as they all left, and tried to sneak into the house and up the stairs as quickly and discreetly as possible, but Matt called my name from the kitchen before I even had one foot on the first step.

"Payton? Could you come here for a second?"

I _could_ just ignore him, like I _had_ been doing since last night, but for some godforsaken reason I decided not to and began making my way toward the kitchen, dreading whatever he could possibly want to talk about.

Matt

"Payton?" I called from the kitchen several seconds after the front door had slammed shut. "Could you come here for a second?"

It was silent for a little while, until I finally heard her footsteps coming through the hall, and then she appeared behind the archway, peeking in with a bored expression.

"Sit," I said, pointing to the barstool across from me. "I wanted to talk to you at the mall but I didn't get the chance."

Between ditching me in the food court, getting a piercing and then getting hauled off with the girls, I barely even saw Payton at the mall. And at first that was that was the point of the whole trip, until I told the girls at least. They'd never pass up the chance to go shopping with Payton, and the guys decided to tag along.

She let out an irritated sigh before heaving herself up onto the barstool, looking up at me with the same uninterested expression.

Did she really hate talking to me that much? I was trying so hard to be a good father. I had to make up for the past fourteen years, but she was making things so hard. I knew it wasn't intentionally, that she was acting the way any teenager in her situation would, but she needed help. And I _wanted to_ so badly.

I could see the anguish and the grief in her eyes when she thought she had her guard up, and when we started really talking she looked like she was getting better—or at least learning coping with things.

She wasn't telling me things; she was keeping things from me. I don't know if I was the only one who noticed, but she always chose her words so carefully, as if she was hiding something. Was it big? I didn't know and it was killing me, especially because she thought that she _couldn't_ tell me about whatever it was.

Val poked her head in and smiled in encouragement at me. "I'm gonna be upstairs, hun." She said before turning back the way she came, giving us some privacy.

Payton began to look a little nervous, and I think she caught on to Val's 'subtle' way of letting me know she'd be upstairs. "Payton," I started, deciding to just jump right into it. "I thought we were doing better. Sweetie, I know you're still going through a lot, and I can help you unless you open up to me."

"Well all of this 'rules and consequences' shit really isn't helping me, Matt!" She snapped, using air quotes and lowering her voice to where she thought it sounded like mine. Normally I would have laughed. But that would make it worse, and I was just happy that she even spoke to me.

"Patey," I sighed and ran a hand down my face. "I only set some ground rules so you don't get yourself into too much trouble. And they aren't completely outlandish, are they? Don't get into fights. Don't ditch. I don't think that's too much to ask." She didn't say anything, so I continued. "I don't want to see you hurt, kiddo. I know you handled yourself in that fight yesterday, but what if you get into another and you can't defend yourself?"

I honestly didn't know how she managed to get out of that fight yesterday with just a couple of scratches, she was just such a tiny kid, I couldn't even imagine her even getting into a fight, let alone winning it.

That guy in the food court of the mall today, _he_ was someone I knew she couldn't handle a fight with him. He was a foot over her and he looked like someone who regularly got into fights. I was _scared_ for her, and I had to find out who the hell that guy was, and I _wouldn't_ let him hurt her.

She abruptly stood up, glaring at me. I know I should have been expecting it, but I didn't let it show how hurt I was. "I've been perfectly fine without your 'help' for fourteen years, Matt. I'm sure I can manage by myself now." She said icily, her words cutting through me in a knife.

"Payton!" I yelled desperately as I heard her stomping up the stairs, but I didn't follow her. I knew she had to cool off.

"Would you just leave me the fuck alone?!" She screamed in the hallway, her voice carrying all the way down the stairs. When I heard her door slam shut, I let out an exhausted sigh and held my head in my hands.

_What happened to all the progress I thought we made?_

--

Review? :)


	22. Chapter Twenty One

Dannii smiled and giggled as she threw a piece of bread from her sandwich to one of the seagulls, and I couldn't help but smiled along with her. We were out under the tree in the garden of the school campus, halfway through lunch.

As much as I wanted to just smile and laugh along with her, I knew something was going to happen today. It was just a gut feeling, and every other time it had been right, and I couldn't focus, always thinking about all the things that could possibly happen. Almost none of them were good, so I was constantly on edge.

"Hey, Dannii?" I said, standing up as she turned to look at me. "I forgot my music homework in my locker, I'm gonna go get it before I forget it, 'kay?"

She looked up at me worriedly, still kneeling on the grass. "Do you want me to come with you?" _Did she have that feeling too?_

"No, no," I said, forcing my smile. "I'll only be gone for a few minutes. You stay here."

"Alright, have fun getting your homework P!" She screamed sarcastically as I walked away, and I snorted and laughed lightly along with her. I quickly made my way across the campus and to the building my locker was in, my footsteps rushed. It almost felt like someone was following me.

As usual, the upstairs of the building was completely deserted, and the silence was almost eerie, which only made me quicken my pace. I was _almost_ to my locker, just a few more meters down the hall and I'd be there.

"What'cha rushin' for, Payton?" I whipped around at the sound of Andy's sickeningly sweet voice, my glare ready, but I was met with a kick to my legs. It easily knocked me off my feet, and I scrambled to get my bearings as I landed with a hard thud on the linoleum floor. He sucker punched me, right around my left eye and I instantly knew it would bruise.

I was _not_ expecting that. I wasn't ready for a fight, which was obviously what Andy wanted. He wasn't there to harass or argue with me, he just wanted a full-on physical fight. Even though I was at a disadvantage so soon in the fight, I told myself I was ready to do this.

Just as I got onto my knees, all the air rushed out of my lungs when he landed a kick to my torso. The force of the blow made me fall sideways, and I clutched my midriff as I gasped for breath. I had _seriously_ underestimated him. And as he said, he was clearly not afraid to hit a girl.

"Not so tough now, are you?" He said, laughing bitterly as he circled around me. I hadn't even gotten a chance to look at him yet and I was already on the ground. My back was turned to him, and I _still_ couldn't catch my breath. _This is usually when Tyler steps into to help me._ I let out a gasp and bit my lip from crying out when he landed another kick to my upper back, a twinge of pain shooting through my body.

_No._ He was _not_ going to win the fight that easily. I'd rather die than end up in a pathetic heap on the floor, waiting for the teachers to find me. I got back up onto my knees, glaring up at Andy as he smirked down at me. I wasn't going to lie; the look in his eyes scared the hell out of me. He looked like he had completely lost it.

Then, it was as if I had been injected with a shot of rage, and I was quickly back up onto my feet, my backpack tossed to the side as I punched him straight in the face. A crunch similar to the one that had been emitted from his girlfriend came from his nose, and he stumbled back, cupping his hands over it. "This isn't what I would call a fair fight, asshole!" I yelled, just starting to get my air supply back.

I took advantage of this, and pushed against him with all of my might until he fell backwards and onto his ass. Just before I fell, I did the thing I swore I would never do to a guy; I kicked him where it hurt most.

I took a hasty step forward, ready to beat the pulp out of him, but then stumbled back myself. Something was _definitely_ wrong with my ribs, and I leaned against the lockers for support as I held my torso. It literally felt like my insides were going to fall out.

"You're a fucking psychotic asshole," I managed to rasp out as he was still coddling his injured nose. "Yeah, you can dish it out but you sure as fuck can't take it can you?" Every word sent another wave of pain through my torso, but I sure as hell didn't let it show.

"Andy? _Payton?_" I heard Mr. Thorne's familiar voice, and I groaned. I waited too long, _again._ I should have fled the scene as soon as Andy was down, but my ribs were screaming at me to slow down for at least a minute. They weren't broken, I knew that for sure, but they could have had a hairline fracture, or even been cracked for all I knew.

Mr. Thorne was to us in a split second, and since I was standing he thought I was okay and he helped Andy to his feet, who looked like he wanted to rip my head off _again._ Another male teacher came running down the hall, one I'd never seen before, but once he saw Andy, he immediately restrained him.

"What? Do you really wanna do this again?" I snapped, taking a painful step forward. Mr. Thorne pulled me back by my arm, though, and I sighed. The fight was done, and there was nothing I could do then. I just wished I had gotten the better end of the stick.

Glancing down at me, I saw him staring at my face, or my more specifically my blackened eye. That was the _least_ of my worries then. "Carl," Mr. Thorne said, and I was guessing he was talking to the teacher who was still restraining Andy. "Calm him down and get him to the nurse, I'll be there with Payton."

'Carl' nodded and went back to holding Andy back, and Mr. Thorne quickly began ushering me down the hall, taking my backpack for me. I had to force myself not to limp, _my ribs were killing me._ By the time we got to the nurse, I thought I was going to collapse.

"Oh _dear,_" She said, gasping as soon as she caught sight of me. She produced a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a cotton swab seemingly out of nowhere and came toward me, making me instantly take a step backward. I _didn't_ want her to find out about my ribs, they would send me to the hospital for x-rays and a bunch of other crap I couldn't handle. It wasn't anything that needed to be worried about, anyway. They would heal on their own.

"I'm fine." I said, the few words I let slip clipped. She sighed and looked at me almost in pity, which only made me even more annoyed.

"Oh, honey, just let me get the blood..." She trailed off, and I looked at her oddly. _Blood?_ My hand went up to my eye to investigate, and sure enough, when I brought my hand down there was blood on my palm. And must have scratched me when he punched me, _fucking pansy._

Sighing, I took a hesitant step forward and let her clean the blood up, but refused to let her do anything else. Mr. Thorne remained silent, and once the nurse was sure I wouldn't let her do anything else, he escorted me to the office.

By the time I got there, Matt was already in the principal's office, and he sighed when he saw me. One thing was different though, I noticed Brian sitting in a chair by the door. I ignored the both of them and slowly eased myself down into the uncomfortable chair next to Matt, grinning lopsidedly at Mr. Dunford. "Long time no see, huh Gary?" I'd taken the time out to look it up on the school's website to find his first name, so I was hoping he would appreciate it. Apparently not.

He frowned at me, and Matt visibly tensed, but I still continued to ignore him, last night still fresh in my mind. Mr. Dunford decided not to beat around the bush and got straight to it. "Andy refuses to say who started the fight, and we were hoping Payton could clear it up."

If it were possible, Matt tensed even more at the mentioning of Andy's name, and his eyes flashed dangerously as he glanced in between me and Mr. Dunford. Brian stared at me; worry clouding over in his eyes. He must have remembered Andy's name, too.

_He started it._ That was obvious, for me at least. And I was about to blurt it out, no way was I taking all the heat for something he started. But then I remembered the truly disturbing look in his eye, and began reconsidering. I was going to get suspended anyway, right?

"I started it." I said, still looking at Mr. Dunford casually, trying to keep calm and block out the pain radiating from my ribs. Matt looked at me, his eyes hardening over. _Great. He's gonna 'ground' me now._

"This is your third offence, Ms. Sanders," He held up his hand when I was about to correct him again and continued, while I simply glared at him. "And your second fight at that. You're suspended for a week. Your detentions will resume as scheduled when you get back."

"What about Andy?" I asked in monotone, expecting he got off the hook just as easily as Larissa had. Matt threw me another heated glance when I said Andy's name.

"This is his third offence, so he will more than likely be suspended, too." He stated, then smiled pleasantly at Matt and stood to shake his hand. "Oh, you will not be allowed to enter the advanced music class, either."

"_What?_" I demanded, and I would have stood up if my ribs were in better shape. "That's not fair!"

"Uh—I'm going to have to agree with Payton, sir. I think she deserves to have a seat in my advanced class." Mr. Thorne said, appearing in the doorway. Had he been listening in the entire time?

Mr. Dunford glared at him, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, trying to find an angle to sit when my ribs hurt the least. "Those are the rules, Mr. Thorne. Besides, she does not meet the age requirement." It looked like Mr. Thorne was biting his tongue, and he smiled mockingly, nodded and left.

"Come on, Payton." Matt sighed, looking down at me. I held my breath as I got up from the chair, and was relieved when it didn't inflict too much pain.

Noticing my backpack by the door where Mr. Thorne left it, I slowly tuned toward Brian and smiled up at him. "Hey, Bri, could you get my backpack? Please?" I didn't know what I would do if I had to haul it He gave me a tense smile, still observing Matt as he slung my backpack over his shoulder. Matt looked like he was about to burst, and I knew Brian was worried about him.

As if all of my worst nightmares were coming true at once, Andy was waiting out in the main office, an ice pack pressed to his nose and 'Carl' was still standing next to him. Matt stopped as soon as he saw him, and Brian's hand instantly went to Matt's shoulder. Andy smirked at me, but that dangerous glint still hadn't left his eye. That angered Matt and he took a step toward Andy, which only made Brian step in front of him.

"You'd better stay the fuck away from my daughter, kid!" Matt yelled as Brian literally had to push him out of the office. I stayed quiet, not glancing back at Andy. I knew not to get in Matt's way and stayed behind them, once again focusing on not limping until we got to the SUV.

Hauling myself into the back seat, I suppressed a groan as my ribs came in contact with the leather seats. Matt was motionless in the front seat, and I guess you could say I was still in shock. I didn't know what to do or even think, I could barely comprehend that Andy and I had just gotten into a brawl. What was it even about again? It all seemed so pointless then. I almost felt stupid for letting him get to me at all; I should have ended it weeks ago.

"Matt, it's done now, let's not overreact—" I tried, but Matt held up his hand to cut me off just as Mr. Dunford had, and I set out an irritated sigh. Brian glanced worriedly between the two of us, probably expecting me to blow up. _I would if my ribs weren't completely screwed._

"Payton, not right now." He said, his voice jarringly calm. I had almost been expecting him to yell at me like he had with Andy. His hands gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white, though, so it was obvious he was still angry. For once, I did as he asked, but glared at the back of his headrest. _He was making a big deal out of something again._ The worst part was he didn't even know the half of it.

_Just take it easy,_ I told myself, _stay calm. Freaking out on Matt wouldn't be good for him _or_ my ribs._ I stayed silent the whole car ride, and once Matt parked, I again asked Brian to carry my backpack, and thankfully he didn't have a problem with doing so.

I tiptoed up the steps as quickly and painlessly as possible, while Matt remained in the SUV, and I was thankful for that. It would only give me time to get upstairs and check my ribs out.

As usual, Jimmy had other plans. He was waiting in the foyer and he pulled me into a giant hug as soon as he saw me, pulling away to assess my injuries. I was having major déjà vu. "Awe, Mini! You got a black eye!" He said, tracing a thumb under my eye. I held back a wince and forced a smile. He frowned and brought me into another, much more bone-crushing hug, and there was no holding back the gasp of pain I let out. Okay so there was _definitely_ something wrong with my ribs.

Jimmy noticed and immediately pulled away, his gaze turning worried and angry at the same time. "I don't like seeing you get hurt, Mini. You just got a black eye and a couple of scrapes though, right?" I nodded slowly, wondering if I should have told him about my ribs. "Who'd you get into a fight with?"

"_Andy._" Matt said from behind us, sounding almost repulsed. I turned around slightly, surprised. I hadn't even heard them come in. Matt still looked as mad as ever, and Brian was right behind him.

"Mini!" Jimmy groaned, looking at me in disappointment, I wanted to flinch. I _hated_ it when he was disappointed in me; his opinion mattered to me as much as Tyler's. "He's been giving you trouble all along, hasn't he?" I hesitated, and they noticed it right away.

The rest of the guys and girls began flooding in then, mainly from the kitchen. The girls winced when they saw me. "Geez Patey, that's a shiner." Leana mumbled from behind Val, peering over her shoulder at me.

Matt let out a long, breathless sigh and put a hand on my shoulder. "Come on, the nurse didn't do a very good job cleaning you up." I tried to shrug his hand off my shoulder, but her persisted and gave me a slight push through the crowd.

"I'm fine, Matt." I snapped, my anger beginning to get the best of me _again._

"No, you're not. You're still bleeding." Once again, my hand reached up and sure enough, my cheek was _still_ bleeding. He steered me into the bathroom, his hand on my shoulder the entire way until he made me sit on the counter. There was a tall mirror across from me, and I scrunched my nose at my reflection.

My left eye was swollen and discoloured to a nauseating dark purple. I only then noticed that I could just barely see out of it. Just below it, a long, deep scratch ran all the way across my cheek, starting at my cheek bone and going all the way down to just above my upper lip. It was the source of all the blood, and it looked plain nasty.

I winced when the cotton swab came into contact with it, and Matt's jaw noticeably clenched. It continued clenching and unclenching as he cleaned me up, anger still shining in his eyes. "I don't know how he did this to you," He said as he put the rubbing alcohol back in the cupboard below the sink. "You're less than half the size of him."

"He—" _Came out of nowhere,_ that's how he did it. But if I told Matt that, he'd know that I hadn't started the fight. Matt looked back at me, waiting for me to continue, and sighed when I said nothing. "It _doesn't matter,_ Matt. It was just a fight."

He shook his head, and held his hand up a few feet away from my face. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three?" I asked warily, thinking there was going to be some double meaning to it and he was going to want to get into some huge discussion about it.

"Your eye should be okay, just keep some ice on it." He mumbled, and I slowly eased myself off the counter, and he once again began leading me, back out to the living room.

"What now?" I groaned, plunking myself onto the couch. If he noticed me having trouble sitting, he'd know something was up, so I endured the pain.

Brian stood, leaning against the archway, but everyone else was out lounging around the pool. _What, is he there to add a little more to the intimidation factor?_ I refused to let it show that it was _working_ and glared at the both of them. Matt sat on the sofa across from me. "Do you know how much more damage that Andy kid could have done to you?" He asked quietly, keeping his intense gaze on me.

"But he didn't Matt, I'm fine!" I replied hastily, _for the most part at least._

"You're lucky nothing's broken, Payton," _Aside from my ribs, of course,_ I thought glumly, glancing down because I could no long hold Matt's gaze. "All of this could have been avoided if you just told me about it, you know."

I was completely uncooperative and snapped my eyes up to glare at him. "Just—just _fuck off,_ Matt."

Brian noticeably tensed, and in a split second he was standing in front of me. "Do you know how much your dad is trying, Payton? All he wants is for you to _talk_ to him, goddamnit. He's not asking you to jump off a fucking cliff!" I shrunk back into the couch, staring up at him with raised eyebrows. I was _not_ expecting that from him.

"It's alright, Bri," Matt sighed, still sitting on the sofa. "Just go get her backpack for me." Brian pursed his lips, staring at me for a few more seconds before disappearing behind the archway. When he got back, he tossed my backpack to Matt and stayed where he originally was, leaning against the wall.

"Hey, don't go digging around my shit!" I yelled as he began sifting through my backpack, and then eventually he pulled out my iPod and quickly pocketed it. "What are you doing?" I demanded, but he continued to ignore me as he got up and left, and I heard his footsteps going up the stairs. I _would have_ gone after him, but I was in no condition to be tackling him to the ground, which was what I would have done if I had to get up.

"Traitor." I said, glaring at Brian. He too ignored me, and crossed his arms over his chest. I sat there, awkwardly on the couch, until Matt came back downstairs, my guitar case in one hand while he juggled my laptop and Xbox controller in the other. "Matt," I started, holding back a laugh. "You really _can't_ be serious."

"I'm dead serious." He said, still completely calm. "You're grounded for a month."

"A _month?_ Matt, you're fucking insane!" I yelled, reaching half-heartedly for my guitar case, but he pulled it away further before laying it beside the sofa he had vacated.

"The basement door is going to be locked, so don't even think about getting into the lounge." He stated, not even batting an eye at my outburst. "Now, give me your phone."

I stared up at him, hatred burning in my eyes. "You're a goddamn hypocrite, you know that? You used to get into trouble all the fucking time when you were my age!" He still held his hand out for my phone, but there was _no way_ he was getting it, at least if I had anything to do with it. "No, you're not getting my phone!" I yelled, my teeth clenched. I was pretty sure that vein was protruding in my forehead again.

Matt was beginning to get frustrated and his voice came out strained. "Payton, _give me your phone._"

Having seen enough, Brian marched over to me and literally _picked me up_, quickly fishing my phone out of the front of my jeans pocket, tossing it to Matt. Once again, I blocked out the stinging pain in my ribs and glared at the both of them.

"Jesus," Brian mumbled, concerned as he stared down at me. "You and Jimmy were right. She weighs next to nothing." I smacked my forehead as soon as he had uttered such a thing.

"_Really,_ Brian? As if Matt doesn't have enough to bitch about!" My ribs were practically screaming at me by then, so I figured _why not_ and quickly stood up, my lip curling as I scowled at the both of them.

"He's right, Patey," Matt said, still talking in a controlled tone. "You need to eat something."

I couldn't believe that they were _actually_ worried over my weight. I hadn't gained nor lost any in weeks. I sighed in frustration and ran a hand down the good side of my face. "You really think this shit is going to work, Matt? That _grounding me_ is going to help _at all?"_ I said scathingly, choosing to completely ignore what he just said.

"Well what else is going to work, huh Patey? What _is_ going to help?" He asked, his tone now giving away just how frustrated he was.

Slowly, I shook my head, still glaring at him. "You're such a fucking idiot, Matt!" I said, now having to force my tears back. _Everything was beginning to take a toll on me again..._ I didn't wait for him to reply, sucked up the pain, and ran upstairs.

_This sort of thing is becoming an all-too familiar occurrence._


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

"Hey, Patey?" Matt called, sticking his head through the gap he made in my door. He'd been knocking for the past five minutes, and I refused to answer him, so I guess he thought it was okay to just waltz in. "Everyone's going out for dinner tonight, so you might want to start getting ready. Nothing fancy though, we're just going out for a change."

I didn't answer him, hell I didn't even acknowledge him, simply staring up lifelessly at the ceiling. It was only five days into my grounding, and I was pretty sure I was going to go insane out of boredom. Matt had stuck to his guns, and refused to let me do anything he thought I considered 'fun'. I was surprised he was even letting me go out tonight, but it was probably only so he could make sure I was eating.

My ribs still hurt like hell, but not as much as they did on the first day. I always had to be careful though, if I moved to fast or jumped or something, the pain would come back tenfold.

"Jimmy said that if you give me any trouble to just go get him. He said he'd carry you over his shoulder if he had to." Matt said, now fully in my room, but his hand still rested on the doorknob. When I still didn't answer him, he sighed and turned back around, leaving the door slightly ajar when he left.

Basically, in the past five days, this was all I did. _Stare at the ceiling and ignore Matt_. That was all there really was to do. I would get through it though, no way in hell was I letting Matt have the satisfaction, or even let him _think_ that his _grounding_ might actually be working, because it _wasn't. _

One thing surprised me though, was that I actually _missed_ being on speaking terms with him. I actually _wanted_ to talk to him, to be able to just hang out with him and not always be on edge. But I just told myself that it was because I had no one else to talk to, not even Tyler or Dannii. _No one_. I had distanced myself from everyone since Matt had 'grounded' me.

There were moments when I was wondering what the heck was stuck up my ass, too. Back when I was with Tyler and mom, I _never_ held grudges like this. Part of me thought I was just trying to push him away, and the other thought I was never even close to him in the first place.

"_Mini!"_ I heard Jimmy's voice echo down the hall, insanely loud. I gasped and sprung up, but then immediately regretted it as a shooting pain rippled through my torso. I held back a groan and remained sitting on the bed, resisting the urge to hunch over and grab my ribs.

His fast footsteps abruptly stopped once he got to my door, and then he pushed the door open with foot, grinning. "Calm yourself Jimmy," I say hurriedly, praying that he wouldn't throw me over his shoulder like Matt said he would. _That wouldn't do any good for my ribs._ "I'm getting ready now. I'll be down in a few seconds okay?"

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Geez, Min. You're no fun." He said, pouting. I smiled and then swatted my hand in his general direction, still sitting.

"Are you gonna, you know, leave?" I asked, which only made him pout even more.

"Well, humph! I'll remember that when the unicorn apocalypse happens! And I'll be the tactical machine who is _built_ to save people from the zombie unicorns! But no, _not you_ Mini, because I _will_ remember!" He yelled, before hastily turning around and sprinting out of my room.

I couldn't help but chuckle softly. "You're insane, Jimmy!" I called, but didn't raise my voice too much. Even that would cause some serious pain to my ribs. When I was sure he was long gone down the stairs, I slowly stood, wincing as I did so, and hobbled into the bathroom to run a brush through my hair.

After slowly but surely getting to my closet, I slipped on some easy skate shoes, picking them because I didn't have to bend over to put them on, and made my way out of my room and down the hall at a leisurely pace. As long as no one else was around, I could act as banged up as I really felt.

No one was waiting impatiently at the door for me like I thought they would be, and upon further inspection, I found all of the guys hanging out in the living room. "Where are the girls?" I asked quietly, leaning against the wall.

Everyone's head snapped up at the sound of my voice, and they each grinned at me. They were probably just happy that I wasn't holed up in my room anymore. "They're gone shopping. They're gonna meet us at Mo's." Matt said, but I still didn't acknowledge him.

_Smokin' Mo's_ was a BBQ down on Main Street, I hadn't been there yet. I was about to ask why the girls hadn't hauled me off to the mall with them, but then remembered I was _grounded._ I was just surprised they actually listened to Matt.

The home phone began ringing, and Matt brushed passed me as he went to search for it. "Your shoe's untied, Toni." Johnny pointed out, and I glared at him for using that nickname again before glancing down at my shoes. Sure enough, one of them was untied. I sighed and left it, knowing that I would more than likely fall over if I tried to tie it then.

"Yeah, no sorry, she can't come to the phone right now, she's _grounded._" Matt said as he stood next to me. My ears pricked at this and I whipped my head around to stare at him wide-eyed. It couldn't have been Dannii, because she had phoned and asked if I was abducted yesterday, so it _had_ to be Tyler.

"Is that Tyler?" I demanded, stepping forward so I could get a better look at Matt. He barely even glanced at me, and then I knew it was. "Dude, give me the phone!" I yelled, reaching as high as I could without irritated my ribs. I _had_ to talk to Tyler or I was sure I was going to burst. I had relied on our short conversations more than I thought I had.

Matt grabbed my hand and held it so I could take the phone from him. "Okay, I'll be sure to let her know." He said, just before taking the phone away from his ear and hanging up, looking at me in annoyance.

"Matt, this isn't fucking fair! I _have_ to talk to Tyler, he's my best friend!" I was quickly growing frustrated, this was the first time in a while that _Tyler_ phoned _me,_ not the other way around.

"Payton, you're _grounded._ Not being allowed to talk to friends is part of the deal." Matt said, as if I were slow. I narrowed my eyes at him and wrenched my hand out of his grip, taking a step backward.

But then, _I stepped on my fucking untied lace,_ and I couldn't regain my footing no matter how much I stumbled, always seeming to step on my laces. As if stumbling around like an idiot wasn't embarrassing enough, I ended up flat on my ass on the floor. I heard a distinct _crack_ come from my ribs.

A burst of searing pain erupted from my upper half and I groaned, wrapping my arms around my middle, still crumpled on the floor. The pain I'd been experiencing before was _nothing_ compared to this, and I slowly curled into a ball, trying to compress myself as much as possible.

Matt was by my side in an instant, he tried to gather me in his arms but I only constricted even tighter, biting my lip as the pain seemed to ripple throughout my entire body. "Payton, what's wrong?" He asked frantically, while I still held myself tightly. I couldn't speak; the pain was far too intense. Four pairs of feet were surrounding me, and that was when I came back to reality and uncurled slightly, trying to get up, but Matt pushed me back down.

My hands were still pressed tightly to my ribs, and Matt clued into what was wrong with me and had to literally pry my hands away. A collective gasp was heard throughout the room when Matt pulled the side of my shirt up slightly, exposing part of the ugly, still black and blue bruise that covered the entire right side of my torso.

"Did—did Andy do this to you?" Matt asked, shocked as his eyes snapped up to meet mine. I looked away and attempted to pull my shirt down, but Matt once again wouldn't let me. His fingers went to the center of the bruise, right where it hurt the most, and I winced as his fingers gently prodded.

"_Ow,_ what the fuck Matt?" I demanded, trying to pull even farther away.

He frowned and glanced up at the guys, who hadn't uttered a word since I fell. They all still wore shocked faces, while Matt's eyes shone with worry. "I think we're gonna have to go to the hospital."

That seemed to snap the guys out of it, and they all sprang into action. "I'll phone the girls and tell 'em dinner's off," Zacky said as he whipped his phone out, Jimmy and Johnny ran around the living room screaming about how they didn't know what to do, and Brian crouched down next to Matt.

"Guys, it's _not_ that serious. I'm fine," I mumbled through my teeth, completely lying. Something had happened, something had _moved_ when I fell, and I knew that I more than likely _wasn't_ fine.

"I'm gonna start the car!" Jimmy screamed abruptly, and Johnny nodded frantically along with him.

"Me too!" He said before running out the door, chasing Jimmy all the way. I rolled my eyes at their antics.

Placing a hand behind my back, Matt gently pulled me up into a sitting position. "Can you walk?" He asked, and I simply nodded before trying to get up on my own. As soon as I moved so much as an inch, pain racked through my ribs and I ground my teeth, not being able to believe how much a little fall could affect my ribs. That worried Matt even more, and for a moment he actually looked _scared._ He sighed and as gently as possible, gathered me up into his arms and stood, avoiding my ribs as he cradled me to his chest.

Brian walked ahead, opening the door for Matt, and then again when Matt placed me in the back of his SUV. _This is not happening,_ I kept telling myself, _Jesus. Why does everything I lie about always fuck up?_

Both Matt and Brian were in the front seats in a split second, and the rest of the guys were in another SUV in front of us. As Matt turned around in his seat to back out of the driveway, he looked at me in frustration. "I can't believe you broke you ribs and didn't tell anyone!"

"They're not broken!" I protested, lying down in the seat so I was staring up at the ceiling of the SUV. I took a deep breath to calm myself, which only resulted in another spurt of pain from my ribs. I let out a groan and held my ribs, realizing that I could then only take short, shallow breaths.

"Payton, are you okay?" Matt asked frantically, looking at me through the rear view mirror.

"Focus on the road, douche bag." I mumbled, still clutching my ribs. Brian snorted, not being able to hold back a laugh.

"Yeah, man. By the sound of it she's okay." He said, still chuckling. Matt however, didn't find it funny in the slightest, but complied and kept his eyes on the road, glancing me again through the rear view mirror every few moments. I could live with that.

We arrived at _Huntington Beach Hospital_ much sooner than I would have liked, and after he parked by the doors, Matt came around to carry me in. "Nuh uh, they'll make a big deal out of it if you carry me in! Put me on a stretcher and shit, fuck that." I rambled, while still lying down. I just wanted to stay there in that position as my ribs didn't hurt half as much when I wasn't moving, and the leather seats were more than comfy enough for me to spend the rest of the night on them.

"No," He said, his tone firm as he reached in further for me. "You're hurt enough now, you're not walking anywhere." There was no reasoning with him, and I couldn't have stopped him from carrying me in even if I tried.

After two whole hours in the waiting room, we were finally admitted into an emergency room, and after a doctor poked and prodded my ribs to the point where I was about to beg for mercy, he figured that a few x-rays couldn't hurt.

Another hour went by, and the guys had become accustomed to taking turns in the room with me because only two other people were allowed in. Matt was always one of them, _of course,_ and it was Zacky's turn this time. Matt hadn't said much, but after the doctor couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, he looked more worried that ever.

Zacky made light conversation with me, joking around and whatnot. He probably thought I wasn't talking much because I was worried about my ribs, but I couldn't help but think about how concerned Matt looked. He couldn't be _that_ concerned, could he?

Up until then, I honestly had thought about how my actions could affect _him._ I knew it was incredibly selfish of me, but I hadn't realized that the things I kept from him could actually be hurting him. And I actually felt _bad_ about it.

The doctor came back then, my x-rays in hand. He put them up on the x-ray view box, turned around and smiled. I took it as a good sign. "What's the verdict, doc?" Zacky asked, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed beside me.

"Well, what Payton _had_ were three hair-line fractures," _I was right._ "But one of them developed into a crack when she fell."

Matt and Zacky looked relieved, but before anyone could speak Jimmy burst through the curtain, grinning. "So she's not gonna die?!"

He smiled kindly at Jimmy, probably thinking he was mentally challenged. "No, Payton is not going to die. But she's going to have to take it easy for the next few weeks so nothing like this happens again." I just _know_ they're going to go over the top with that. "I'm going to prescribe some strong pain medication just in case over-the-counter pain medicines don't work, okay?"

We all nodded simultaneously, and he disappeared behind the curtain yet again. Zacky got up and walked over to stand next to Jimmy, who was still grinning and looking relieved. "Mini, don't _ever_ scare us like that again!" Jimmy said loudly, pointing at me.

"We're gonna round the guys up, okay Matt?" Zacky asked, glancing between Matt and me as he nudged Jimmy. Matt nodded, still silent, and they smiled at me before leaving.

I clasped my hands together and went back to staring at the ceiling, dreading the next few minutes of silence until the doctor got back with my prescription. "Why didn't you tell me?" Matt asked suddenly, looking at me in interest. That caught me off guard to say the least, and I honestly didn't know how to answer. I shrugged, and Matt let out a long sigh and looked at me pleadingly.

"Can—can we talk about this when we get home?" I asked hopefully, not feeling comfortable with have one of _those_ conversations in the middle of an emergency room. Thankfully, he smiled and nodded, which helped eased the tension.

Finally, after another ten minutes, the doctor came back and gave my prescription to Matt, and handed me an aspirin and a small cup of water. Then he asked if I needed a _wheelchair._ I was _not_ that weak. We didn't have to go there though, because Matt simply smiled and declined. He shook the doctor's hand before he left, and I didn't protest as he carried me back out to the waiting room, figuring it was better than being _wheeled_ around.

All of the guys were standing around in the waiting room for us, all wearing their own looks of relief. "Lacey and the girls are at our house," Johnny said, coming up to stand in front of us. "We're gonna go there while you get P settled in, okay?"

Everyone said their goodbyes, which included Jimmy draping himself around Matt and I—expertly avoiding my ribs—and looking like he was about to cry. "No more secrets, capiche?" He asked once he pulled away. I smiled and nodded, mostly because they had found out about pretty much everything I had been keeping from them.

"I'm gonna hold you to that, Patey!" He hollered as he got into the back seat of the other SUV, which only made my smile turn into an apprehensive one. _I knew he was going to hold me to that._

The ride home was silent, and I guess Matt had taken it literally when I said we would talk at home. The house was empty and quiet when we got back, and he set me on the sofa in the living room and left, coming back with a blanket moments later. "Alright, do you need anything?" He asked, carefully sitting down next to me.

"My phone." I mumbled into the cushion, and he only sighed and remained silent for a few minutes. I was serious, I desperately need to talk to Tyler.

"How about this, I'll give you a deal," He started, which made me turn slightly to stare at him. _That pill was working quickly_, and my ribs didn't hurt half as much as they would have if I had done that earlier. "I'll give you your phone back if you talk to me."

I laid there for a moment, thinking over my options. I _had_ promised I would talk to him, and getting my phone back was just an added incentive to spill my guts. I let out a long breath, relishing the feeling of actually being able to breathe in deeply for the first time all day. "I'm sorry," I said, genuinely meaning it. "That was really the only thing I kept from you," I squinted my eyes shut, catching myself again. _This was going to be harder than I thought_. "Okay—no, that's a lie too."

"Take your time, sweetie," He said, happy that I even admitted to lying in the first place.

Shifting, I sat up slightly so I could meet his eyes. "Andy was—Andy has been messing with me since the first day of school. At first he was jealous of me because I was better at guitar than him, but then his girlfriend joined in. And _she_ was jealous of me because he was putting so much energy in making my life hell," Matt nodded when I paused, his face expressionless as he soaked all of it in.

"But mostly the fights were always verbal, nothing physical except for the first day of school when he pushed me up against the lockers," Matt's fists clenched at this, and he breathed in deeply, forcing himself to calm down. "But then, about two weeks ago, I got into a fight with his girlfriend, _Larissa._"

Realization washed over his face then, but he still didn't say anything. He wanted me to say it all out loud. "Apparently he doesn't like having a disfigured girlfriend, and back last week—at the mall—was when he warned me. I know I should have told you about it then but I didn't and I'm sorry." I said quickly, rushing to get my apologies out before he could say anything.

He stared at me for a few minutes, not saying anything as he made sense of what I just said. "It's okay, Patey. I forgive you. I was just—earlier when you fell, I've never been so scared in my entire life," _As if I didn't feel bad enough about it earlier._ "Just please, P, don't keep anything from me again." He said, pleading as he moved closer.

I couldn't help it; I reached forward and hugged him. I was mad at myself for being so selfish and not taking Matt into consideration before then. "I promise Matt. And I mean it this time. I'm not gonna keep anything else from you." Matt seemed shocked that I'd willingly hugged him, but after a moment he gently hugged back.

"I'll be right back," He said, grinning once he pulled away. He jogged up the stairs, and came back a few minutes later with my phone in his hand. "You're still grounded though, everything else but the phone still applies." He warned, still smiling. I let out a groan, but happily took my phone from his outstretched hand.

"Now call you best friend, I'll be upstairs okay?"

That made me grin at him before he left. "Thanks, Matt!" I called, staring at my phone. I felt better after I spilled everything I'd been keeping from Matt, but I felt even more at ease just knowing that I _could_ talk to Tyler.


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

"Mini-Mini-Mini-Mini-Mini!" Someone sang _over and over again_ in my ear, and it was obvious who it was. I groaned and rolled over, took a pillow and chucked it at Jimmy's face.

"Shut the fuck _up,_" I mumbled, still half asleep. It was nine AM, maybe ten, tops. And I had been up _late_ last night. The last thing I wanted was Jimmy waking me up at such an unnatural hour, especially on a Saturday.

I heard Jimmy gasp and stumble back slightly, and people laughing from my doorway. _Great, so it wasn't just Jimmy._ I had no hope of getting back to sleep then, but I wasn't willing to give up so soon. "There's a surprise for you downstairs, Patey," Matt said, and my ears pricked at the mentioning of a surprise.

Rolling over again to face them, I scrutinized all of the guys crowding the doorway, and Jimmy, who was a few feet across from my bed, staring at me shocked for hitting him in the face with the pillow. They looked serious enough, although excited, but serious nonetheless. "My surprise can suck my ass," I mumbled, burying my head in my pillow.

"Ugh, well that's it!" Jimmy yelled, yanking my blankets from me. _He was lucky I had PJ's on._ I didn't get a chance to protest because he had me picked up as soon as he had thrown my blankets on the floor. He quickly set me on my feet and gave me a small push forward, his hands on my shoulders to steer me.

It had been about two weeks since I'd spilled my guts to Matt, and subsequently everyone else (they had interrogated me even further and figured out that Andy had started the fight), and my ribs were healing up well—they didn't hurt a quarter as much as they did. I was back in school since last week, and it took me the entire week I had off to convince Matt and everyone _not_ to go to the principle and tell him what they had learned. Hell, I knew he wouldn't even _believe_ me anyway.

Andy had gone back to how our 'relationship' had been like before the mess with his girlfriend happened, shooting a death glare at me every time he saw me, maybe we'd throw a couple of insults back and forth, but nothing more. I was slightly thankful he hadn't tried to start anything else, as I more than likely wouldn't be able to hold myself back from kicking his ass a second time.

But it was over with, it was done and I didn't want to go back to how things were. I only had another six days of grounding left.

As I made my way down through the hall, Jimmy and all the guys following closely behind, I couldn't help but be paranoid something unidentifiable was going to come out and hit me in the face. "It's _way_ too early for this shit," I grumbled, and almost slipped on the first step of the stairs, I would have had _more_ broken ribs if Jimmy hadn't been there to steady me.

He sighed in mock frustration and stopped me halfway down the stairs. "Would you wake the fuck up and look at the door?" He said, which only made me sigh and actually look up to see what my 'surprise' could possibly be.

What I saw would have made me stop in my tracks, and then I understood why Jimmy had stopped me himself. It wasn't a _thing_ they had as a surprise for me, it was a _person._ "_Tyler?"_ I asked, squinting and rubbing my eyes to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

He stood in the entrance, looking all cute and innocent, as if he hadn't completely fooled me last night by saying he was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend and wouldn't be able to talk to me. "What? No hugs for your best friend, who, by the way, you haven't seen in months?" He asked, and that was all it took for me to take the stairs two at a time until it was safe for me to jump straight into his arms.

Catching me easily, he laughed and wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace, I had almost forgotten how comforting and familiar his hugs were, and I smiled when he set me on my feet.

"Dude, I missed you so much!" I said and brought him into another hug, not being able to stop myself. He laughed when I pulled away, and I simply grinned up at him.

We'd gained an audience, all the guys were still on the stairs, grinning triumphantly for their accomplishment of keeping me in the dark about Tyler visiting, and all the girls were cooing in the kitchen archway.

"I missed you too, P," He said, grinning too as he took in the guys and girls.

"Have you been introduced to everyone yet?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Yep, I just got in though," He said gesturing toward his duffel bag. I noticed three other familiar things beside it though, two of them familiar. My practice amp and the box full of pictures and home videos that I'd been waiting months for, but a hardshell guitar case was stood upright by the door. I didn't recognize that.

Tyler noticed me looking and his grin intensified, his eyes shining in excitement. "Matt told me about how he was having trouble getting you stuff freighted out, so I figured I just take it with me," His smile faltered, and mine turned into a worried frown as his expression grew solemn. "Patey—I found something, in your mom's car,"

Tears pricked at the back of my eyes then when I figured out what it was. "Please Ty, tell me that's not what I think it is." I said, my voice coming out shaky.

"It is," He said, and I couldn't stop the tears from coming then, so I buried my head in his chest, not wanting everyone to see me cry. They were all silent, trying to figure out what was going on, but they knew not to say anything because they knew it was about my mother.

After a few moments, I forced the tears back and pulled away, turning around so my back was to the guys and angrily wiped at my eyes. I took a small step forward, hesitant to even look at what was inside the case.

I mechanically gripped the handle and set the case down so it was lying on the floor, quickly unbuckling it. Taking a deep breath, I readied myself and carefully opened it, and closed my eyes once I caught sight of what was in it.

My heart felt like it was getting ripped to shreds all over again. The rich smell of the felt lining entered my nose, and I breathed in deeply, finding it slightly calming. Inside the case was a Schecter Hellraiser, the same one I'd been drooling over in music class every day except it was all black, and the one I'd been _begging_ my mother to get me before she died. She refused; at least I _thought_ she had.

_She was going to surprise me with it at Christmas_. All along I thought that she hadn't accepted my love for music, but I was wrong and this clearly proved it.

Sucking in a deep breath, I closed the case and stood, slapping a happy smile onto my face. Everybody was staring at me worriedly, and Matt looked torn between comforting me or giving me some space. I ignored the concerned eyes that were on me and turned toward Tyler. "Ty, you _have_ to see the lounge downstairs. It's so friggin' rad!" I grabbed his hand and began hauling him toward the kitchen.

"Ah, Payton!" Matt called, leaning over the stair railing, and I stopped to look up at him in irritation. "You're forgetting something, you're grounded." I let out a sigh of disappointment, letting my hand go limp in Tyler's hold. "_But,_ I guess I can cut it to a week early."

"Six days!" I corrected, now grinning up at him. I needed to get downstairs before I broke down crying. He rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. "Thanks Matt!" I hollered, and quickly resumed in leading Tyler downstairs.

His reaction to the recording studio was much the same as Dannii's and mine had been—shell shocked and slack jawed. There was something different though, papers were littered all over the top of the soundboard to the point where you couldn't even see it, as well as all over the end tables and the small sofa.

It looked like the guys had done _a lot_ of writing of the past few weeks.

The lounge wasn't as bad, but there are still a few sheets of paper scattered over all the coffee tables, and quite a few of the guitars and basses had been taken down from the walls and were laid around haphazardly. I continued on, leading Tyler all the way to the back of the room where one of Jimmy's drum kits were set up, and gestured for him to sit behind in.

He looked as if he were on could nine as he took a pair of drumsticks out of the holding on the hi-hats and looked back at me wide-eyed. I nodded exaggeratedly, and backed up, knowing it was going to get loud. He started off small, testing the kit out and getting used to all the cymbals, but soon he was pounding out crazy double and triple bass beats, bouncing powerfully against my chest and in my ears. I looked at Jimmy, and he was studying Tyler closely.

Even though he'd been there for a few minutes, I _still_ couldn't believe Tyler was really here. I'd gone all these months wishing he were there and now that he _was_, it all just seemed so surreal.

An arm was placed over my shoulders, and I looked up at Matt, still managing to keep the smile on my face when I noticed he had brought the guitar down with him. "Are you going to use it?" He asked quietly once Tyler had paused in his playing, Jimmy had walked over and was standing behind him, probably giving him tips and pointers. "Your mom would want you to."

I took a long glance down at the guitar case, closed my eyes and sighed. He was right, my mother had bought me that guitar because she _wanted_ me to play it, and she wouldn't want it to be collecting dust like it had been for the past few months. I nodded, hesitantly at first, but the more I thought about it, the better the idea sounded.

Matt smiled and gave my shoulder an encouraging squeeze before setting the guitar case down and opening it, passing it to me once he had taken it out. "Yo, Zacky?" Zacky looked up from his place on the sofa when he heard Matt calling his name. "Could you get me a strap?" He nodded and got up, leaving the lounge and coming back a few moments later with a guitar strap.

Adrenaline began flowing through my veins then, just thinking about playing the guitar. To me, it was _just_ a guitar, it was one of the last connections to my mom I had left, and I was going to hold onto it for as long as I could.

Noticing what was going on, Brian was up and messing with a halfstack, passing me a cable when he was finished with it. I smirked at him after I had hauled the strap over my head; it just felt so _right_ holding the guitar. I skipped over to Tyler, who had completely stopped what he was doing when he saw me with the guitar, and quickly whispered the name of a song into his ear.

"You're really gonna do this?" He asked, now smirking too, just as excited as I was.

Even though I'd been there for months, I felt more comfortable—confident—when Tyler was with me. It was a simple fact that had been accepted long ago, but some would probably call me more annoying around him than outgoing. I quickly went back to where I'd been standing before, looked back at Tyler and nodded as a 'go ahead'.

Everyone had been watching us since I had approached Tyler, knowing something was up, and they all smiled encouragingly, although I had no doubt knowing I was going to ace this. Tyler quickly launched into 'Almost Easy', which sounded _amazing_ on The Rev's kit as it should, and I quickly followed with the guitar.

"I knew it!" Brian yelled a few minutes later when we had finished the song, and I looked down in embarrassment. "I _knew_ you were an A7X fan!"

During the song, it felt as if my mother was actually there—watching me shred, and encouraging me to keep playing. I hadn't even wanted to stop when the song was over, and I looked back to Tyler, allowing him to choose the next song.

A mischievous smirk graced his features then, and I stared at him warily. "Hey, P," He started, obnoxiously loud. "You wanna sing on this next one?"

Had I not been glaring at Tyler, completely mortified, I probably would have thought seeing everyone's head snap up at hearing that funny. "You _stupid Llama!"_ I said, reading to kick the crap out of him.

That was _not_ supposed to happen. "What—Payton, can you sing?" Matt asked, just as loud as Tyler. I held onto the neck of my guitar a little tighter, not being able to meet his gaze. I was stuck then. I had promised not to keep anything from him, and if I said 'no', it would be a complete and utter lie.

"Yes—no—_maybe._" I finally settled, feeling my cheeks burn in embarrassment as I was still staring at my guitar.

Just as I had been expecting, everyone began begging me to sing a song. I had anticipated that before I had even thought about telling them the truth. There was no getting around the fact that I was nervous as hell, though. The only people who had ever heard my singing voice were my mom and Tyler, and the thought of singing in front of such a crowd of people scared me stiff.

"An A7X song!" Zacky yelled over everyone else's voices, which only made me even more nervous. "How about _that?"_ Matt had gotten up as soon as he heard anything about singing and had a microphone already set up in front of me.

Finally, I gave in and huffed, looking back and giving Tyler a fleeting glance before getting straight into the song, hoping it would mess him up, but he quickly recognized the song and began playing in sync with me.

"Somewhere life is good, and things go as they should  
It's hard to find, but that's alright yeah  
Searching for the way, push harder everyday  
It's deep inside, that shining light yeah  
But I'm scarred, by barriers placed in my path  
I'm scathed"

For the briefest of seconds between the first and second verse, I glanced up to see everyone's reaction. They were all shocked, but they looked ecstatic and encouraging. Just from that glance at them, I grew more confident, and began belting out the next few verses and chorus. I realized that all of the people—all of the friends—in the room, I considered family. And I was _comfortable_ singing for them, I wanted to share something like this with them.

The last two verses was quickly coming up, and I relaxed a little, remembering that a child sang it, and I softened the hard tone I'd had become accustomed to in order to sound like Matt and sang it softly.

"There's nothing here to take for granted  
With each breath that we take  
The hands of time strip youth from our bodies,  
We fade,  
Memories remain,  
As time goes on

There's nothing here to take for granted  
With each breath that we take  
The hands of time strip youth from our bodies,

We fade,  
Memories remain,  
As time goes on"

I stepped away from the mic, stealing glances at everyone. Tyler was proud of me, all of the girls were squealing in excitement, the guys were just plain _shocked,_ and Matt couldn't wipe the proud smile off of his face even if he wanted to. _Good reactions, I would say._

It felt _amazing_ to be able to sing again, and not have to worry about anyone finding out about it, either.

To avoid any further embarrassment, I unplugged my guitar and carefully set in back in it case, my fingers lingering over the strings for just a moment before I closed and locked the case.

"You fucking _rock,_ Mini!" Jimmy said, who was _still_ standing beside Tyler. Everyone laughed. "I'm serious—you're like a superhero! You can kick the crap out of a guy twice your size, you're... you're good at paintball! Not to mention you can fucking rock a guitar. And then you go and drop this bombshell on us!"

Sitting down on one of the sofas, I took a seat between Brian and Matt, staring at my hands in my lap. I looked up at Brian warily when he took my wrist in his hand and spread my fingers out with the other, staring at them in wonder. "You're fingers are just _so tiny!_ And they move _so fast..._" He mumbled, bringing my hand a little closer to examine it. "I just don't know how you can play a song like that and sing so well at the same time, _live_ no less."

"Uh... thanks, I _think._" I said once he placed my hand back on my lap.

Okay, I may have liked sharing my voice with them, but I was getting a little embarrassed with all of the attention on me, and looked over at Tyler who had taken a seat next to Johnny and Jimmy, and began smirking. "Hey, Tina? How's about we have a beach day?"

Tyler's eyes lit up at the idea and everyone else made sounds of agreement, and I was being honest when I suggested it. I hadn't even been swimming at the beach in the past few months, and it was freaking _California._ It was about time.

"Hey, you know what? I just got an idea," I said, grinning as I got up in a hurry, ignoring everyone's looks of curiosity. "I'll be right back!"

In ten seconds flat, I was sitting on top of the counter in the island, my phone in hand as I dialled Dannii's number. A groan echoed through the phone, and my eyes snapped toward the clock, it was just after eleven AM, Dannii was asleep.

"Dannii!" I yelled, laughing as she groaned again. "We're having a beach day, and I want you to come, okay? There's someone I want you to meet!" I said, trying my best to sound overly-excited.

There was some grumbling over the phone, I heard something about 'twenty minutes', and then she hung up. Pressing 'end', I took that as a yes and smirked triumphantly.

I had _big_ plans for today.


	25. Chapter Twenty Four

Twenty minutes had passed, and I was beginning to get a little anxious, still sitting on top of the island. Everyone had come upstairs about ten minutes ago in search of me, and asked what I was doing. I simply told them that Dannii was coming and smirked at Tyler.

The guys were pretty much clueless, including Tyler, but the girls smirked and giggled along with me. I was _determined_ to get this right, so when the doorbell rang, I jumped off the counter and bolted toward the door, Jimmy hot on my trail thinking I wanted to race him for some godforsaken reason.

"Payton, no running! You're gonna mess yourself up again!" Matt hollered, which I ignored. My ribs _were_ almost healed, or at least they felt like it.

Honestly, I don't know how I managed to get to the door before he did, but I whipped it open and grinned widely at Dannii, who looked more than a little scared at the sight of Jimmy and me wrestling to get in the doorway. She wore the normal beach day attire, denim shorts and her bathing suit peeked out from her oversized t-shirt. Her bang was pushed back by her sunglasses.

"Hey Dannii," I said giddily, giving Jimmy one more huge push, and it sent him stumbling back in the opposite direction. "Come on, I want you to meet someone!"

"Geez, Min, you're on a mission aren't you?" Jimmy grumbled, stalking back into the living room where everyone else was.

I hauled Dannii in and led her straight to the living room, smirking. "This had better be good," She mumbled trailing behind me almost groggily. I hadn't forgotten I'd woke her up. I continued until I was right in front of Tyler and stepped back slightly so Dannii was in full view.

She stopped her mumbling as soon as she caught sight of him, glanced at me, and immediately smile. "Dannii, this is Tyler," I said, introducing them with a sweep of my hand. I felt like someone modeling for a car at a game show. "Tyler, Dannii."

"Hi," She said, giggling slightly as she nervously played with her hair. Tyler looked up at her, smirked as I had been expecting and said a 'hey' back, before gesturing for her to sit down next to him

My work there was done, at least for a little while, so I completely back up out of the way and looked around. The girls were _still_ giggling, and the guys had thankfully finally caught on, and were now smirking too. "I'm gonna go change," I said quietly, not knowing whether anyone had heard me and slipped upstairs to my room, changing into one of the bathing suits the girls had gotten me on one of our shopping trips.

Once I've got it on, I stare back at my reflection in the mirror, more specifically at where the nasty black and blue bruise used to inhabit my torso. It had healed up faster than I had been expecting, and now only had a slight yellow hue to it, however it was still noticeable. I traced my hand under my eye to where the scratch had been, it had left a more than likely permanent scar.

But I didn't care. _It was over with._ Andy hadn't bugged me too much over the past few weeks, and I was more than thankful that he had seemed to cool off over the one-week suspension he too had gotten.

Quickly, I shook my head and threw on a tank top and denim shorts over my bikini and left the bathroom. After getting my beach bag ready, I slipped on some flip-flops and jogged back downstairs. All of the guys already had their swimming trunks on, and I began wondering how long I'd actually been upstairs.

The girls were ready shortly after, and we all piled into the SUV's, Tyler and Dannii riding in the middle seats with me while Matt and Val were in the front seat.

Unfortunately, Jimmy, Johnny, and Brian thought it would be a good idea to ride in the back, behind us. I knew it was a bad idea from the start, and once we got on the road and I couldn't kick them out, they began laughing and kicking the back of our seat.

For the first thirty seconds, I had considered not saying anything and to just let them be, but they persisted, and after five minutes, I groaned and laid my head back. "How old are you guys supposed to be?" I said, sighing. "Seriously! I thought _we_ were supposed to be the kids."

"I won't grow up!" Jimmy suddenly shouted, making me jump, but I refused to look back at them.

"I won't grow up!" Johnny laughed, playing along to the classic 'Peter Pan' tune.

"I don't wanna go to school!"

"I don't wanna go to school!" I glanced back at them quizzically, about to ask how they knew the lyrics, but then thought better of it. I probably _didn't_ want to know.

"Just to learn to be a parrot, and recite a silly rule!"

Groaning again, I banged my head against the seat and cussed at myself for what I had started. Matt and Val laughed from the front seat, and after a few moments I did too. These guys were insane, especially when they're put in such a tiny space _together._ They were bound to randomly break out into song at some point.

However, as soon as Matt stopped the car, I was out before anyone could so much as move and made a break for the beach, knowing that _someone_ was going to be chasing me. It was almost like a given, I _always_ expected it.

I let out a small gasp when someone picked me up in their arms—not over their shoulder, they'd stopped doing that since they found out about my ribs—and began running at full speed toward the ocean. I hadn't even made it five meters without Zacky catching me. "Zacky—_no!_" I yelled, knowing what he was planning on doing.

Laughing, he shook his head, but then Matt began yelling at us from where he was getting all of the stuff down from the rack of the SUV. "Vengeance! Don't toss her too far, her ribs are still healing!"

_Gee, thanks Matt._ I was expecting him to hopefully _rescue_ me from the impending doom of the still-cold water, but _no,_ he didn't care as long as Zacky threw me to the sharks 'carefully'.

At hearing that, Zacky slowed down a little and he began wading into the water, inching closer to be, now up to Zacky's waist. I gasped when it touched my feet and cling to Zacky's neck. "_No, _it's way too cold Zacky!"

"Hold your breath," He said, smirking as he adjusted me in his arms and got ready to pitch me. I didn't even get to do that, though, because without any further warning, he had me thrown about five feet away from him, but not too far or hard enough to hurt my ribs in any way.

My feet couldn't reach the bottom, and I began to panic a little and quickly kicked up, surprised by how deep the water had gotten in just a few feet. I came up laughing though, but as soon as I hit the surface Jimmy had practically come out of nowhere and dunked me back down.

This time, I came up sputtering and glaring at him. "That wasn't really necessary, Jimbo."

He looked at me as if to say 'No you didn't!' and snapped his fingers, easily being able to stand in the water. "_Everything_ I do is necessary!"

Later, I was just floating, drifting around on my back as I looked up at the almost cloudless sky, remembering I hadn't put on any sun block. But my attention was quickly drawn to the beach, just off to the side Tyler and Dannii were sharing a towel, sitting closely together, talking and laughing.

They looked like they were getting along a little better than _well,_ and I was proud of myself for what I'd accomplished. I could just picture them together; I knew they'd be one a cute couple.

I noticed something else, too. Even from where I was, floating about thirty feet away from them, I could tell Tyler was pale, paler than his usual. And as much as I hated checking out my best friend because it just felt so wrong, there was no denying that he looked a little skinner than what I had remembered him as. The muscles he had worked so hard to achieve weren't as prominent as they used to be.

He probably hadn't had as much time to work out as he used to. Before I'd left, he'd only spent time with his other friends at parties and whatnot, but I was willing to bet he was hanging out with them all the time these days.

A few moments passed, and Dannii got up and began heading off in the opposite direction, toward the bathrooms and whatnot, and I saw this as my chance to talk to him for a minute, realizing that this would be the first time we'd be alone since he got here.

I rung my hair out as I approached him, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around myself before sitting down next to him. He smiled at me, and I gladly returned it. "I missed you so much, Ty." I said sincerely, looking up to meet his yes. "But you're gonna have to bulk up, man," I laughed and poked at his ribs. "Next thing you know you're gonna be as scrawny as Jimmy."

From just a few feet behind me, I heard a melodramatic gasp and I sighed, knowing what was coming next. Jimmy had me swooped up in his arms in a split second, and he grinned mischievously down at me. "Looks like someone needs another visit with the fishies!" He yelled, and began running for the water again.

"Be careful, Jimmy!" Matt yelled from somewhere behind us, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes even as the water was coming closer and closer toward me. Even though he didn't really show it, Matt worried way too much. He was almost worse than my mother in that way.

Without giving me any warning at all, he threw me into one of the biggest waves I'd seen all day, and it was harder than I'd been expecting to get back up to the surface. I came back out a few moments later, soaking wet yet again. I ignored Jimmy's loud laughter across the beach where the guys were messing around and went straight back to Tyler, plopping down next to him.

"I was serious, Ty," I said, looking up to meet his eyes and poking his ribs again.

Frowning, he looked down at me and did the same, to me, lightly brushing his fingers over the bruise on my ribs. I looked down then, knowing he felt bad for not being there to back me up in the fight with Andy. "Fuckin' punk ass," He mumbled, still staring down at the bruise. "I swear Patey, if I ever see him—"

"Tyler," I sighed, frustrated. "It's done. Over with. I just want to forget about it okay? And stop changing the subject. I'm gonna fatten you up while you're here."

The anger that had been building up in his eyes disappeared, and he smiled his cute dimpled smile and leaned back slightly. "Alright—I'll let you fatten me up if you promise to eat with me, too."

Matt must have been talking to him again. But I couldn't say I exactly minded, Matt's worries must have come up at some point when they were setting Tyler up to come down here and surprise me, so I _couldn't_ be mad because the awesome thing they did made up for anything shitty they could have said behind my back. "Alright, deal." I said, once again grinning back at him.

"Hey guys!" Dannii said, planting herself on the other side of me.

"Welcome back," I said, mimicking Tyler and leaning back so I could soak some sun in and Dannii quickly did the same. If Tyler started visiting more often, then I might actually _love_ being in California. I looked over at the girls who were sunbathing, then at the guys who were making what looked like a crudely shaped sandcastle. After all, I had a family here now, too.

--

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	26. Chapter Twenty Five

My leg bounced up and down as I waited on the sofa in the living room for Tyler, he'd been there for three days and we were planning on having a movie day—just the two of us like it used to be. He had gotten _extremely_ close to Dannii over the past few days, and it was awesome to have _two_ best friends.

His grinning figure appeared in the archway, holding the familiar box of home movies and pictures. I hadn't had the courage to even _look_ through it yet. "I thought we could watch some of our old home movies?" He offered, holding out the box and shook it a little, its contents rattling, as if it would entice me a little more.

The thought of hearing my mother's voice and her laugh, and actually _seeing_ her again scared me. I nodded and smiled back, praying I would be ready for it and wouldn't break down crying at any point during the videos. I knew I probably would later, but in the privacy of my room.

Setting it on the coffee table, he turned back toward me. "Pick one out; I just gotta use the bathroom alright?" I nodded silently, staring at the box for a few moments after he left, really not knowing if I could do it.

After a few more moments of hesitation, I let out a sigh and knelt down on the floor beside the coffee table, my fingers gripping the top of the box. I pulled my head back and closed my eyes, it _smelled_ like home and I hadn't even opened it yet. I brought a hand up to cover my nose, not being able to bear it any longer.

The smell of freshly baked bread mixed with my mother's vanilla perfume was so intense I had to bring a hand up to cover my nose. I almost wished I could smell the familiar, comforting scent forever, but if I did for more than another few seconds, I would break down. I was sure of it.

_If I couldn't handle just the smell of my old life, what made me think I could actually hear and watch my mother?_

A knock was heard on the frame of the archway, and I snapped my head up to see Matt and Val, both of them smiling kindly. "Hey, Patey? Mind if we join you?"

Although I was a little hesitant, I wouldn't let it show and nodded silently, gesturing toward the couch opposite to me. I didn't want them to see me get all emotional while watching all of the old home videos, but that was just a little more motivation to keep my cool.

With both of them sitting on the sofa in front of me, I couldn't put off picking out a video any longer, or they would notice. I quickly stuck my hand in the box and pulled a random movie out, sitting back on the couch before looking at which one I had picked.

My mother's scribbled cursive was scrawled across the front of it, labelled _Payton '06._ I had been ten at that time and my mom had shot the majority of the footage in this particular one, and I was slightly appreciative she didn't make too many appearances during it. I knew I couldn't seeing her all the times Tyler and I had navigated the camera and she made many appearances in the other videos._ I would build myself up to it._

It was then I remembered that Tyler still hadn't returned from the bathroom, and looked up at Matt and Val awkwardly, trying a smile. The video felt light in my hands, and I held it tighter, wondering where the hell Tyler was.

I decided I would set it up while we waited for Tyler to get back, and did so quicker than I had been expecting. I sat back on the sofa, staring at the archway and wishing Tyler would appear. I didn't know why things had gotten awkward between us then, because it was honestly the first time in a while where I felt really uncomfortable around Matt. Maybe it was because Matt was going to see my mother for the first time in over a decade, even if it was just on a screen.

Finally, Tyler got back, his grin had since intensified and he looked stoked to be watching the movies. He plunked himself down next to me. "Jesus. Took you long enough--" I stopped short when I glanced up at him, getting a closer look. "Ty—your nose!" I said, hurriedly getting up to grab a tissue box from an end table, hurriedly ripping some out and pressing them to the trail of blood leaving his nostril.

Both Matt and Val were closely watching the scene, but I paid no attention to them as I frowned up at Tyler. "You okay, Llama? I thought your nosebleeds stopped when you were like, twelve?" I asked softly, pulling my hand away so he could hold the tissue there himself.

Tyler used to be a geeky kid, and that was putting it lightly. Sinus infections, braces and coke bottle glasses. The whole thing. Then it was as if he had matured overnight, his braces and glasses disappeared. I thought his messed up sinus had, too. That was odd, though. I thought I knew _everything_ about my best friend.

His smile faltered a little, but it was instantly back up. "Nah, I still get 'em every now and then, they're usually not as bad as this, though."

"You feeling okay?" I started, remembering he used to get woozy with them. "Do you still wanna do this?" I asked, pointing toward the TV. I was thinking he should maybe go lie down and sleep it off. Even though I was worried about my best friend, I could also have it double as an excuse not to watch the home videos. That would put it off at least for a while.

"No, no!" He said, hurriedly shaking his head. "Just a nose bleed P. I'll be fine."

"Well..." I let out another sigh and grabbed the remote. "If you're sure?"

"I'm sure." With his final word of confirmation, I sucked in a deep breath and pressed play, not giving myself another chance to back out of it.

Our ten and twelve year-old selves popped up on the screen, the date August 30th, 2006. I winced at my appearance, my hair the same shade of dark brown as Matt's and my lip un-pierced. In the video I was laughing uncontrollably while Tyler simply pouted, but smiled a little at the sight of me. My mother's soft laugh could be heard from behind the camera. I visibly tensed at the sound of it, but otherwise I didn't let it show much it affected me. _"What did you just call Tyler, Patey?"_ Mom asked, trying to hold back another laugh as Tyler glowered.

I looked away from the TV and gave Tyler a grin, hoping it reached my eyes. This was one of our fondest memories. He smiled back and took my hand, giving it a small squeeze before looking back at the TV. I think he noticed how hard it was for me, but I didn't mind.

Another few moments go by and after my kid-self is finished giggling, I look up at the camera. _"Tina."_ I had answered simply. My mother erupted into another fit of giggles then, which only made me do the same.

I took another moment to look over at Matt, and he immediately locked eye with me, smiling at me comfortingly. Val noticed and gave me a warm smile, too. I forced a soft smile back before focusing on the TV again.

"_Why?"_ She asked, while I just pointed in the other direction. The camera shifted toward the TV, where _Napoleon Dynamite_ had been paused at the scene where Napoleon was feeding his pet Llama. _"Can't you see the resemblance?"_ I had managed to ask before cracking up again.

This was back when Tyler was in the 'awkward stage' I had mentioned before. I only then realised how mean that had been for me. "I was such a mean kid," I mumbled, now having to hold back my giggles.

Then, out of nowhere, the 'awkward' Tyler had pounced on my tiny ten year-old self, and wrestled me to the floor as I hopelessly attempted to fight back. _That_ was how I'd come to be a half-way decent fighter these days. Sometimes Tyler just _wouldn't_ give up, and wrestling back had been the only solution. I guess it had paid off in the past few months, though, as I knew I would be in a lot worse shape had I not had the experience.

The screen went blank after we heard my mother's worried mumbles, and if I remembered correctly, she had turned the camera off to separate us. It quickly flickered back though, and in the middle of the screen was a crudely done birthday cake. The date was October 12th, my eleventh birthday. I could remember helping my mother and Tyler decorate it the night before, and well, Tyler and I had gotten a little carried away. It would have come out much better had my mom done it herself.

My mother moved the camera slightly to see me pouting with my arms crossed as I stared down at the eleven candles on the cake. _"What's wrong baby? Don't you like the presents I got you?"_ My mother asked, concern dripping from her words.

"_I feel old."_ I had finally admitted, looking down in defeat.

I laughed out loud at the memory; I couldn't believe how _old_ I felt back then, and Matt looked completely drawn into the TV, not even noticing me looking. Val just glanced from him to me, smiling.

Thankfully, I got through the rest of that tape and the next two, all of which were done by mom. The next one, however, was the one Tyler and I had been making before my mom's accident. It had been taken in a different direction, and it was mostly documenting Tyler and me and throughout the year. We hadn't gotten to finish it, or at least I hadn't thought we did.

Tyler smiled when he saw me staring at it. "I finished it after you left, I couldn't let such hilarity go to waste."

Pulling him into a tight hug, I couldn't keep the smile off of my face, but I was also a little worried. This one had a _lot_ of my mother on it, and not much of it was good.

Once again, I got through most of it. All of the stuff that happened to us in the past year that we had considered 'funny' was on it, and it wasn't as bad as I had been thinking. It consisted of me betting with my mother that I could get the solo for 'Beast and the Harlot' down by the next day (which Matt openly grinned about), going to Warped Tour last year in Calgary (Tyler had taped me freaking out on the plane, I was _not_ happy about that), among other random things.

My heart jumped into my throat at the next clip, though. It was the one thing I had mulled over again and again in my head, when Tyler and I had gotten ourselves, and consequently my mother, thrown out of Wal-Mart. I had completely forgotten that we'd videotaped it, and instantly regretted it. I held my breath through it, waiting and bracing myself for what I knew was coming, and boy, did it come. The camera had been accidentally zoomed in on her face and all.

_The disappointed, defeated look on her face._

I made it through a half a second of looking at her, then I up and bolted from the room, ignoring everyone's alert and worried calls and went straight up to my room.

_Why_ had I been so stupid? I wished I could go back in time, even if it was just to apologize to her for the hell I had put her through with all the shit I had done. Getting thrown out of Wal-Mart was just the tip of the ice-berg. _Mild_ compared to everything else, from getting suspended pretty much monthly to getting into fights—and everything in between.

She had been rushing home to see me the night of her accident. I knew that with every fibre in my being. She had been _worried_ about what I could have gotten myself into. _Just like in my dream,_ the one I'd had all those weeks ago. She was _rushing_ for _me._

"Payton?" Matt called through my door, knocking softly, which made me back away from it. I stared at it for a moment, silent, knowing he would come in anyway. I held my arms protectively across my chest when he came in. "Are you okay?" He asked, and all I could do was nod.

He took one more look at me before stepping forward, enveloping me into a hug. Closing my eyes, I let myself lean into his chest and wrap my arms around him, surprised when I found comfort in him. "I knew it was going to be hard for you," He said after a few moments had passed, sighing. "I should have said something."

"No," I mumbled, pulling back to look at him. "I knew it would be, too. But I had to get it over with sometime." _This whole 'sharing' thing was getting a little easier._

Giving me another smile, he pulled me back into the hug. I easily relaxed back into it, finding that I liked his hugs more and more with each one he gave me. "Okay, but no more movies for tonight, got it?" I let out a soft laugh and nodded again.

_That was something I could agree on. _


	27. Chapter Twenty Six

I spun myself around in my chair slowly as I strummed my new guitar, smiling as I showed Tyler the song I'd made. We'd both been bored out of our minds, trying to figure out what to do, but then I just picked up my guitar and figured I'd show him the song I'd worked so hard on. He hadn't heard it yet, and I really wanted to hear his opinion on it.

However, he didn't seem interested in it at all. He was laid back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling as he threw a tennis ball up in the air and caught it repeatedly. He hadn't even noticed that I stopped playing and put my guitar in its case.

This was odd; he was usually the one who encouraged me no matter what. _Not_ the one who completely ignored me. Hesitantly, I got up from my chair and sat beside him on my bed, and only then did he acknowledge me, and even then it was just a simple glance before he went back to tossing the tennis ball back up in the air.

He threw it with a little too much force, and it hit the ceiling at an odd angle, ending up across the room on the floor. Letting out a long sigh, he finally met my eyes and abruptly sat up, the movement sort of spastic. "We're going to a party tonight."

"Ty," I did a double take on him, watching him carefully. "Who could you possible know in Huntington well enough to go to one of their parties?" I asked, my tone sceptical as I stared up at him with a raised eyebrow.

Standing up suddenly, he looked down at me with almost an anger burning in his eyes. That made me stand up, too, but that only made him come a little closer so he was almost in my face. "Look, it doesn't matter. I know people. Stop asking so many questions okay?" He asked fiercely.

_Okay, I was pretty sure that was the only question I'd asked him._ I stepped back, not liking him so close when he was in such a mood. He'd been fine up until when he woke up today, and he'd been almost grouchy ever since. I thought showing him my song might cheer him up a bit. _Guess not._

"Alright, alright. Calm your hormones Tina, god." I said, raising my hands up in front of me defensively.

Just as spastically as he had before, he too backed away and ran a hand down in his face in frustration before collapsing in my computer chair. I paused, staring at him and wondering what the heck was stuck up his ass. "I'm gonna invite Dannii along too, okay?"

"No, no!" He said, once again standing up abruptly. He noticed me looking at me oddly and looked away, running a hand down his face for the umpteenth time that day. "I mean, I don't want Dannii to come." He stated, his voice a little softer this time.

That was another surprise for me, he and Dannii had gotten along so well over the past few days. I would have thought he'd have been _excited_ for her to come, maybe even make his first move like I thought he wanted to. Up until then, I thought it was so obvious he liked her.

"Are you okay, huh Ty?" I asked in the same tone, taking a step forward to get a closer look at him. "You've been acting off all day. You sure you're up for a party tonight?"

A party wasn't very appealing under normal circumstances, and I didn't want him going out when he was like he was then. If he acted like this with other people, he was sure to get in a fight at some point. And that wasn't a very smart thing to do at a party where we basically knew no one.

"I'm—I'm fine, P, I just... I just need some fresh air, okay?" He said, still not looking me in the eye as he stalked over to my desk and took out a pad of paper and a pen, furiously scribbling something down on it. "If I'm not back by eight go to this address okay?" He asked, stuffing the piece of paper into my hand.

"How am I gonna get there?" I asked, smoothing out the piece of paper and squinting at the address. I didn't recognize it, but I wasn't really expecting to in the first place.

"That—just figure something out, Payton!" He asked, raising his voice again. I was a little more worried then, this was the first time in years, or possibly _ever_ that he actually sounded mad at me. I began wondering what I could have done wrong, _had I said something that upset him?_

Did he and Dannii get in a fight, and he was just blowing off some steam over it? _No..._ they were getting along perfectly well yesterday before she left, and to the best of my knowledge he hadn't talked to her since.

I didn't want to him to be even _more_ upset with me, so I simply nodded and gave him a tiny smile. He gave me another quick look before leaving, let the door stay open behind him. "Bye!" I called out hesitantly, even though I knew he wouldn't reply while he was in such a state.

The front door could be heard slamming shut just a few moments later, and I sighed as I stared down at the crumpled piece of paper for a few long minutes. _How the hell was I gonna get there?_ I _did not_ know how to navigate my way around Huntington.

Asking Matt to give me a ride couldn't hurt, could it? Besides, I was sure he would say yes anyway. He wouldn't want me beating around the streets looking for some godforsaken address. I neatly folded the paper up and closed my fist around it before heading downstairs, going straight to the kitchen where I heard voices.

Matt and Brian stood behind the island, each with a beer in hand. They both smiled at me once I approached. "Hey, P, what's wrong with Tyler? He left in a bit of a hurry." Brian said, nodding toward the front door.

"Uh... yeah, about that," I mumbled, realizing that _I_ didn't even know what was going on with him. "I dunno. But we're going to a party tonight, okay? I'm gonna need a ride." I said, turning my attention toward Matt.

He straightened then when he heard about anything to do with a party, and that made me a little wary. I _thought_ he was going to be cool with it. "A party? Where? Who with?" He asked, setting his beer aside as he leaned forward slightly.

Figuring it would be best to just be honest with him, I held my hand out, the paper with the address in it. "Here's the address. And I already said I'm going with Tyler." He took it, frowned once he got a look at the address and showed it to Brian, who gave him a 'look' while shaking his head.

That made me even more wary. "What?" I asked warily, now leaning against the counter too and trying to get a good look at the address, wondering if there was something I'd missed on it.

"There aren't a lot of bad places in Huntington, but that place..." Brian said, trailing off as he slowly looked away from the paper and focused his attention back on his beer.

Matt nodded, agreeing with Brian. _Of course._ He slowly handed the paper back to me, and I could tell he wasn't sure if he wanted to or not. "Patey, that part of Huntington is really dangerous. I can't let you go to that party."

I quickly realized my mistake, _I shouldn't have told him about the party at all._ That was what I got for being honest. "Matt, I'll be fine! You're just worrying too much again!" I argued, unwilling to give up so easily.

Once again, he shook his head, this time a little more forcefully with a look of determination in his eyes. "No, Payton. It's not safe."

"But—but that's not fair!" I huffed, backing away from the counter to fold my arms across my chest. I rolled my eyes when Matt did the same. "I'll be safe with Tyler. I went to parties with him back home _all_ the time!"

It was obvious Matt was quickly growing frustrated with me, but there was no way I was giving up yet. "It's _not safe,_ Payton! No, you're not going to the party. That's final."

Opening my mouth, I was about to continue arguing, but Brian held up his hand and cut me off. "Just drop it, Peanut. Even if Matt says yes, there's no way in hell I'm letting you go. You don't know what an understatement 'not safe' is for that part of Huntington."

Rigidly, I stuffed the piece of paper in the front of my jeans pocket and turned to glare at them, running my tongue across my teeth. "You guys fucking suck." I said simply and turned on my heel, storming up the stairs and once I was in my room, I began pacing around.

_What the fuck was I going to do?_ I wasn't ditching Tyler. I wasn't going to let him venture into apparently one of the most dangerous parts of Huntington alone. I was going to be there, by his side winging it with him, just like the old days. _The days I wanted back so badly._

Oh, no. I was _not_ going to give up so easily just because my 'daddy' said I wasn't allowed to. I was going to be there for my best friend at whatever cost. And I was going to figure out what had been bugging him all day.

After a few more moments of pacing, I walked over to my window and opened it, trying to see how much of a drop it was to the ground. The poolside tile was pretty much directly below my window, and I was thinking that wouldn't be a very soft landing, but I would have to risk it.

_For Tyler._

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	28. Chapter Twenty Seven

From where I was standing, I felt as if I were about to jump off a skyscraper, _and expect to make it._ In other words, it was insane for me to even attempt to make it out of my window. Where was the trellis like they had in all of the movies? All Matt had was vinyl siding, then halfway down (a _long_ way down) the tan brick started.

I couldn't just take a leap of faith, I knew that. I'd just end up with a broken neck, or possibly even death. But I had to at least _try_ to get down, right? It was exactly seven fifty five and I was fairly certain Tyler wasn't going to show up.

_One, two, three._ Nothing. I cussed quietly to myself for being such a pansy at a time like this. I was forced to be as quiet as possible though, because if Matt caught me, one leg strewn out the window, he'd have a major bitch fit. So, I locked my door a few hours ago and refused to come out whenever someone asked me to in hopes they wouldn't try to bother me while I was actually gone.

In one more final try, I hoisted the other half of my body out so my hands were still tightly clutching the sill. Holding my breath, I let my feet dislodge themselves, and then I was dangling out of my window. I squinted in the darkness, and still holding my breath, I let go of the windowsill.

My feet hit the ground first, thankfully, but I landed at an odd angle and fell, rolling to the side on the hard poolside tile with a silent groan. Nothing was terribly injured, and as soon as I was down I was up again, stealthily moving around the house and ducking under the windows as I passed them. Just Matt and Val were home tonight, and I was beyond grateful for that one stroke of luck. I didn't think I could make it past the guys.

Before I knew it, I jogging down the street, clutch my hoodie tighter to my body. Even though it was early April, it was still a little cold out. For Californian standards, anyway. I stopped once I thought I was a safe enough distance from the house and took out my phone, quickly punching in the number I'd found online for the taxi company serving Huntington Beach.

I waited for taxi to come under a street lamp, not liking the dark but I felt safe. I was still in the suburbs and the only other soul around was a stray cat or two, nothing to worry about.

Deciding to use my time wisely, I began thinking about how _odd_ Tyler had been acting all day. _Odd_ didn't even begin to describe how he'd been acting. It was so unlike him to just leave me to fend for myself to get somewhere, especially when I didn't know my way around, and neither did he.

Where _was_ I going? All I had was an address scribbled on a piece of paper for the cabbie, who raised an eyebrow at me when I handed it to him. That worried me a little, too. Was it safe; was it even a good idea to go there? _You don't know what an understatement 'not safe' is for that part of Huntington,_ Brian had warned me.

Maybe this was one of those times I should have actually listened to them, but I couldn't back out now. I'd gotten the far, and it would be next to impossible to sneak back upstairs when everyone was awake. If Matt knew I even _thought_ about sneaking out, he wouldn't care if I chickened out or not. And I _did not_ need him on my back about everything again. We had a good thing going these days, and I didn't want to mess it up.

No, it's _Tyler._ Best friends since we were in diapers. He wouldn't knowingly put me in any danger.

"Uh—miss?" The taxi driver asked and I snapped out of my daze to see him worriedly glancing out at me. "This is it." My hand instantly went to my wallet, and I chucked a couple of bill to him, telling to keep the change.

As soon as I got out of the car, I wished I'd stayed in it. 'Unsafe', Brian was a fucking lunatic, it was _worse_ than an understatement. I didn't even think places like this actually _existed._ The cement road was cracked and broken into pieces every which way, and I didn't know how I hadn't noticed how bumpy the cab right must have been.

Unidentifiable substances were spotted throughout the road, and I didn't want to ponder over what they possible could have been for too long in fear of throwing up, so I swiftly turned around and faced the house.

I gulped at the sight of the looming, off-white structure. The clapboard siding was chipped and broken in places just like the road, and it didn't look like it had been painted in years. The steps leading up to the front porch were rickety and looked like a death trap, and the door looked like it was hanging off of its hinges.

The window above the half-unshingled overhang was broken too, I was pretty sure of that.

A thick, heavy smell entered my nose then, instantly making me grimace and cover it with my sleeve. _Weed._ Wasn't that just _dandy?_ I didn't want to approach the house before, but this made me want to run away screaming my head off.

One thing gave me the courage to march up the steps and to the excuse for a door, though. _Tyler was in there._ I couldn't leave him alone in such a place like that, but I was wondering if I even had the right address.

Just as I was about to raise my hand to knock, the door swung open, and I cringed at the horrible squeaking it made as it did so. A kid with dreads down to his ribs and serious over-tan stood there, a good foot above me as he glared down at me. His clothing was baggy—so baggy, he could have been packing an sawed-off shotgun for all I knew.

With just one look at him, I was turning around again, wanting to get the fuck out of there. The stench of marijuana was close to unbearable then, and I scrunched my nose as his hand wrapped around my arm in a tight grip, harshly pulling me back. "What do you want?" He asked still glaring.

I started stuttering and stammering, not being able to make hardly any sense of my words myself. "I just—I know someone—this probably isn't the right place—I'm just gonna..." I trailed off, and then his grip considerably tightened, letting me know I wasn't getting away so easily. I decided to go out on a limb. "Do you know Tyler?" I asked hurriedly, staring up at him wide-eyed.

His eyes seemed to light up at the mentioning of Tyler's name, which made my insides churn. "Oh, yeah, Tyler! We're pretty tight. Come on in," He said, releasing his hold on my arm as he stepped back and opened the door wider for me.

There was definitely no going back then, and I seriously wanted to plug my nose once I'd fully stepped into the house because of the smell. I was going to _reek_ by the time I left, and I had no clue how I was going to get it past Matt.

The house was buzzing, kids all over the tiny sofa in the living room and even more dancing to some crappy Hip Hop beat I didn't recognize. Every single one of them looked completely stoned and then some, but I didn't get to examine them any further as the guy who opened the door began dragging me away by the arm again.

"You can call me Ren," He said, seemingly not fazed at all by my stumbling to keep up with him, and I had to keep myself from crashing into him when he abruptly stopped. "Here he is!" He yelled and then Tyler came into view from behind the wall separating the kitchen from the living room.

Tyler pulled me into a hug as soon as he saw me, but I only wrinkled my nose when I could smell the alcohol on his breath. "I didn't think you'd make it," He said, grinning as he pulled away.

I frowned, squinting up at him. "I didn't think I would, either." I said glumly as I nervously stood by his side. _I thought I told him no drinking was part of the promise._ He smelled like he'd doused himself with it, and that was _not_ okay, but I couldn't say anything then, aware of the circle that had formed, and Tyler and I were part of it.

My eyes widened even more when a joint started being passed around, and there was _no goddamn way in hell I was trying it,_ and neither was Tyler. Not on my watch. Ren glared at me when I refused to take the joint, and Tyler stared down at me for a long moment, _almost disapprovingly,_ and grabbed me by the arm just like Ren had, haling me off into the grimy, deserted kitchen.

"What is wrong with you?" He hissed, his grip on my arm tightening even more.

That angered me, a lot, and I used my free arm to push against his chest, but he still refused to let me go. "What's wrong with _me?_ Tyler, what the fuck is going on with you?!" He didn't answer, and glared at me with a look I'd never seen in his eyes before. It almost _scared_ me.

"Tyler," I began, in a much softer tone. "What's happening with you, Talk to me, please." He still didn't say anything, and if anything, the look in his eyes intensified. Even I had every right to be, I refused to be as irate as he was acting and held his eyes with mine. "You broke your promise, Ty," I whispered, now having to keep the tears back.

He scowled and looked away as soon as he heard anything about promises, which only made the whole situation that much more painful. "It's just a bit of weed, Payton." He said, his voice sharp and hollow at the same time as he whipped his head back to glare at me.

"We're—we're going home," I mumbled, trying to drag him out of the kitchen. I gasped when he harshly pulled me back, and I scrambled to get my footing as his hand clamped around my arm even tighter than before.

This wasn't Tyler. This was _my_ Tyler. The Tyler who wouldn't dare seriously lay a hand on me with intent to harm me. Something had changed him over the past few months, and I wanted to sob at the thought of it.

A tear slipped and I hurriedly reached up and swiped it away, sniffling as I showed him just how much this was hurting me. Tyler's harsh demeanour seemed to crack at the sight of my tears, and he sighed, letting go of my arm. I rubbed the place where his hand had been, refusing to look up at him again.

"Look," He started, stepping a little closer. I instantly took a defensive step back, and that seemed to hurt him a little. "You don't have to smoke up if you don't want to, but you _have_ to stay. Please, for me, Patey?"

"Are you going to?" I asked softly, staring up at what I thought was my best friend. I was talking about the weed; I was _asking_ if he was going to smoke it. What the hell happened to me? I _should_ have been dragging him the fuck out of there, yet I stood there, seemingly frozen on the spot.

He looked hesitant at first, but thankfully the hard, foreign look in his eyes didn't make another appearance, _yet._ "Okay, okay. I won't do the weed." He mumbled, averting his gaze as he (this time) gently held my wrist in his hand, guiding me back to the circle of stoned kids.

All I could do was nod and move mechanically, staring off into the distance while I ignored my surroundings, well, except for Tyler. I kept a close eye on him. A half an hour passed, agonizingly slowly, and I was getting tired of just standing there with everyone else like a zombie. _Some party this was._

When I was about to ask when we were leaving, I saw something go down that I _never, ever_ thought I would witness. Tyler 'discreetly' handed Ren a wad of cash, and in returned Ren passed a tiny, clear plastic baggy. But I caught a glimpse of its contents, and I snatched it from Tyler before he could stuff it in his pocket.

No one else, not even Ren, had noticed that I'd swiped the baggy from Tyler, and this time _I_ was the one who was hauling Tyler off into the kitchen. I was _furious_ then, and I wasn't exactly surprised when Tyler was just as enraged. I didn't care, I ignored him as I flailed my arms angrily.

"You insane. Fucking insane Tyler!" I whisper-shouted, still holding the baggy in my hand. I couldn't even bring myself to look at it yet, I hadn't even been able to fully comprehend that he'd just bought fucking _cocaine._ "I'm not gonna let you do this to yourself. No, I won't Tyler!" I said, on the verge of hysterics.

He stopped the pacing he'd been doing and turned around to stare at me, eyes huge as he scrutinized me. "You're not gonna tell anyone, are ya', P?" He asked fearfully, taking a long stride so he was right in front of me. His eyes flicked my hand holding the baggy, and I reflexively held it tighter.

"I... I don't know, Tyler." I said, looking away. I couldn't even think straight, let alone figure out if I was going to _tell anyone_. That was the least of my worries. I was only concerned about my best friend.

Taking another step forward, he took my shoulders and shook me slightly, look me dead in the eye. "You can't Patey, do you understand me? You _can't._ If my parents find out about this..."

_Derek and Melissa._ How would they react if they knew their only baby boy was out getting drunk and high off his ass? They'd be devastated. If only they knew how much _danger_ he was in. Did he really expect me to keep this secret? I _couldn't,_ could I? He shook my shoulders even harder, staring at me with the same intensity that had scared me earlier. I was sure my brain rattled with such force.

That was enough for me. I couldn't think properly when his gaunt, _unhealthy_ figure was so close to me. When I could see how he'd been abusing his body with all of those foreign toxins that he put into his body, how could he expect me to do such a thing? "The Tyler I know wouldn't ever dream of this," I whispered, staring up at him with a look of defiance. "The Tyler _I_ know wouldn't break a promise. He wouldn't do drugs just to..._just to fit in!"_

With every last ounce of my strength, I pushed myself away and quickly slipped by him, running through the crowd of kids before he could even think of catching me.

The house was even more crowded then, and I knew there was no way I could find my way out until I calmed down, so I took a deep breath and stopped in a tiny hallway, surprised when I saw no one else occupying it. I leaned against the stained wall and finally looked at the baggy, bringing it a little closer to examine it.

All of these months had gone by and I didn't even have a _clue_ that he was doing _this._ I should have seen the signs. They were all there; first starting with him hanging out with Luke. He didn't get into contact with me for sometimes _weeks_ at a time. Then, when he got here. He lost weight, _the nose bleed,_ the mood swings. I felt so stupid for not seeing them until then. I felt _responsible_ for not picking up on them.

Suddenly, the baggy was ripped from my hands, and I instantly looked up, expecting to see Tyler, and I found myself wishing it _was_ him instead of the person who stood in front of me. "_Brian?"_ I asked, shocked as he stood menacingly over me, _fuming_ couldn't even begin to describe how pissed off he looked.

I realized what he was holding, and that he had taken it from _me._ _This was not good at all._ Of course he was going to assume it was mine, because you know, I'm in a dark, secluded hallway all by myself holding the piece of shit! I feebly tried to take it back, my hand reach for it but he grabbed my wrist as soon as I moved and held me there, glaring down at me.

"What the fuck is this?" He demanded, standing unbearably close as he held the baggy up to my face.

_Oh, this must look so incredibly bad._ "It's—it's not what it looks like, Brian." I mumbled, so intimidated I wasn't able to meet his eyes. Just like that, he whipped the baggy back and stuffed it into his pocket, then turned back to give me another harsh stare.

"I hope you're gonna have a better explanation for Matt." He snapped, grabbing my arm just as so many other people had tonight and I winced, but then quickly shook my head and tried to free myself from his grip.

"No, Brian! You _can't_ tell Matt about this, _please!"_ I added, still struggling as he pulled harder on my arm.

"We're leaving." He said, letting out an agitated sigh before he looked back at me, anger burning in his eyes. I gasped as he swiftly threw me over his shoulder, and I knew struggling would do me no good as he made his way out of the dingy hallway.

_This was not good. Not good at all._


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight

On the way out, I was surprised the kids Brian shoved past didn't bow down to him and kiss his feet. They all looked like they were _petrified_ of him. I didn't think they were pansies, because just taking one glance at the look on his face—I was close to shitting my pants myself.

Tyler was nowhere to be seen, which only made me want to cry even more. He didn't even come after me, it was as if in the span of a few months he'd become a completely different person. What were the past few days about, though? Was it all an act? It was confusing me, and the only thing I could seem to process as _Red_ opened the front door for Brian was that he _broke his promise._

It was as if I was in a daze, at least until I heard Brian unlocking the doors to his SUV, which was when I began struggling uselessly. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to have to deal with Matt and everyone else. This was too big for me to deal with all at once. I had to get away, I had to sit down and think everything through first.

"Put me down," I snapped, piteously failing at my attempt to put up my usual tough exterior.

Honestly, I was a little surprised when he set me down on the cracked and battered sidewalk to open the door, and I took it as my chance to get away like I'd wanted to. Even if it was just for a few minutes, I would be happy. _Even if I got lost in one of the worst parts of Huntington,_ I wouldn't mind. I _needed_ time alone.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Brian demanded a few feet behind me, and I could feel his eyes on my retreating figure. I picked up my pace then, from a jog to a sprint, but then, almost immediately after he called out to me, his arms curled around my waist and he was pulling me back to the SUV. I cussed under my breath, wishing I was more athletic. I should have known I couldn't outrun him.

Opening the back door, he pushed me in and slammed the door in my face after he put the child lock on, and I would have rolled my eyes had I not been so close to tears. Once the first one came, there was no stopping the rest. Not this time.

_He broke his promise._ He'd given himself to a substance. Was it more important to him than I was? I wondered if he ever even _thought_ of me when he did his very first line of cocaine. Did he even having an inkling of an idea as to how much this would _hurt_ me? He was my best friend.

Was he, still? I wanted to say yes. I really did. I knew I'd always consider him one of my closest friends, but could we ever have the same relationship that we'd had before? He'd gotten himself into loads of trouble, I knew that, and he'd begged me not to tell anyone. I had _no _fucking idea how I was going to get through this and still be his as close as we were prior to all of this crap. He was asking me to lie for him, something that before, he would have never even have _dreamed_ of doing.

_Trust._ Something that was such a big part of our friendship. He knew it, and _he'd blown it._ No doubt was in my mind that he knew that, too. And part of myself knew that he didn't care.

As soon as Brian got into the driver's seat, he didn't make any more contact with me whatsoever. The silence during the drive to better parts of Huntington was silent, but far from calming. The night was far from over. He pulled into a park and killed the engine, dialling Matt's cell number as he did so. "I found her," He said simply, anger seeping through in his tone. "Yeah, she's okay," He said after a few more moments, then sent a glare out to me through the rear view mirror. "Do you wanna talk to her?"

Oh _god._ No, no, _no._ I did not want to hear the disappointment in Matt's voice. I didn't want him to find out that earlier tonight, I'd been willing to sacrifice the relationship and trust we'd built up over the past few months for someone who valued a line of coke more than I.

I rapidly shook my head when Brian handed his phone out to me, and I jumped when he slammed his free hand down on the steering wheel before turning back out toward me. "So help me Payton, if you don't take this fucking phone _right fucking now—"_ He didn't have time to finish his threat because I had snatched the phone from him.

Nervously, I looked down at the phone, knowing that Matt was on the other end, waiting to talk to me and lecture me about how stupid I had been. There was no denying that, every single thing I'd done that night had been some of the most idiotic things I'd ever done. "Hello?" I squeaked, squishing myself against the door as I tried to get further away from Brian. Never had I seen him so angry, and it was scaring me.

For a while, it was silent on the other end, and then I heard Matt breathe a sigh of relief through the phone. Guilt washed through me, he was _worried_ about me, while I hadn't even given so much as a second thought when I snuck out. "You're okay?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah," I replied, refusing to let any emotion show through in my voice.

"Do you know how much trouble you're in?" He demanded, his mood changing like a whip.

I didn't answer, of course I didn't. What could I say? A lame 'yeah'? I was better off saying nothing at all. Another sigh came through the phone and a few more moments of complete silence passed. "Give the phone back to Brian," He finally snapped.

Wasting no time in giving Brian his phone back, I all but threw it at him and pressed myself even tighter to the door, closing my eyes and leaning my head against the cool window. My body felt as if it were on fire due to the panic that was beginning to set in.

_What was I going to say?_ The truth was probably a good idea, but if I did, I knew I could pretty much kiss any chances of still having a friendship between Tyler and I goodbye. And I _needed_ Tyler in my life in some shape or way, even if it was strained.

Before I knew it, Syn had the door I'd been leaning against wrenched open, which only resulted in me almost falling flat on my face. This angered me a little, _he didn't have to be so fucking rough._ Once I'd regained my footing I sent him a glare, turning on my heel and started down the sidewalk and away from the house, feeling a little braver when I was around familiar surroundings.

A hand was placed on my shoulder before I even got two steps in, and I tried to shrug out of their grip but they were relentless. I let out an agitated groan. "Fuck off, Brian! You're not my fucking father."

"You're pushing it, Payton." I whipped around at the sound of Matt's voice, and wanted to smack myself for not recognizing his grip on my shoulder. If it had been Syn, he would have just thrown me over his shoulder like he'd done before. Just one glance at him and I knew he was straining to keep his cool.

His hand remained on my shoulder until we got into the house, where he made me sit on the sofa in the living room. No one else was there. "Where is everyone?" I asked, my voice small in the large living room as the two large men glared down at me.

"Looking for you," Jimmy said from the threshold, sounding relieved and happy, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Matt and Brian as they both studied me.

Unsurprisingly, Matt got straight into it. "Do you know how much danger you put yourself into tonight? You could have been hurt," He paused and looked me straight in the eye, while I just sat there on the sofa numbly. "You could have been _killed_, Payton."

"It's—it's not that big of a deal, Matt." I said, my voice hoarse. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry. I wanted to ask _why_ nothing could ever go right for me. I wanted to spill my guts.

I'd made some shitty decisions tonight, but I didn't regret them. If given the chance, I probably would have done a few things differently, like stop Tyler from going to the party, but after that I did everything I thought was right given the situation I was in.

Soft footsteps were heard coming down the stairs, and Matt stopped what he was about to say.

My eyes just about bugged out of my head when I saw who it was. "Hey, guys," Tyler said, almost _groggily_ as he stretched. I was frozen, rooted into the sofa as I stared open-mouthed at Tyler. _What the fuck was he doing?_

Matt crossed his arms over his chest as he scrutinized Tyler. "Where were you? Payton said she was going to the party with _you._"

"Me?_ A party?"_ Tyler asked, seemingly dumfounded as he pointed to himself for confirmation. Matt nodded expectantly. "First I've heard of it. I've been asleep all night." He said as he produced a jacket. "I was just about to go for a walk."

Seeming to tense even more, Matt waved him off and I heard the front door slam shut just a few moments later.

Another wound to add to the collection, but this one held a new hurt. He had _betrayed_ me; he had fooled me into this. He _set me up._ What happened to my best friend? I looked down, picking at a rip in my jeans as I maintained my breath; I felt like I was going to pass out at any moment.

What was going on? I was so confused. I knew he had done this to make sure I couldn't get him in trouble (although, I would have more than likely taken the blame for it anyway, simply because I wanted to hold onto some scrap of hope that he was still my best friend), but I just couldn't understand _why_. Underneath all of that, what was going on with him? Had drugs taken over, were they impairing his judgement? Had they really changed him? And more importantly, was it still possible for him to change _back?_

Brian chose possibly _the_ worst moment to show Matt what he had confiscated from me. And to think, I had been so lost in my thoughts I had almost forgotten about it. "This is what I found her with." He said, quietly as Matt stared at it in shock as he took it from Brian, holding it nimbly out in front of him.

"Payton," Jimmy gasped, coming closer when he caught a glimpse of what Matt was holding. I flinched, he hadn't called me by a nickname, which he _always_ had, ever since I got here. I knew then that I really, _really_ fucked up. "Is this—is this _yours?"_ Disappointment was evident in his voice.

_This was it._ It all came down to what I said then, and I closed my eyes when I felt everyone's stare on me. What I was about to say was going to ruin everything we had worked for. "Yes, it's mine." My words were hollow, I was wondering if they were even going to _believe_ me. But who else could have owned it? After all, Tyler was _asleep_ all night.

"Did you try it?" He asked immediately, coming much closer until he was right in front of me and leaned down, peering into my eyes. Matt had since turned around, the tiny baggy thrown onto the coffee table as he braced his hands behind his head, his back to me.

"No," I whispered, looking straight into his eyes. I _needed_ him to at least believe that. "I promise I didn't, Jimmy."

_Please believe me, please believe me._ Why would they? To the best of their knowledge, I had lied to them numerous times, not just today. All of the other times I kept things from them—why would they believe me then? He let out another relieved sigh before getting up and going back to his place, leaning on the archway. Brian did the same, and I noticed him give the baggy to Jimmy, whispering something in his ear before Jimmy was off. _He was probably off to destroy it._

My attention was quickly diverted back to Matt, who had since turned around and he stared at me for one long, tense moment before he sat on the sofa, his head in his hands. He let out a low, cynical laugh, and I jumped once again at the sound. _Laughing? At a time like this?_ "You know, for a while I didn't know what Lauren was talking about."

At hearing my mother's name, my head snapped up and I narrowed my eyes at him. "What?" _Do not_ bring my mother into this.

He did a double take on me, and quickly stopped laughing as he too narrowed his eyes at me. "Uh—_yeah,_ when she phoned me last summer," He said, looking at me sceptically as if he expected me to already know this. "She—you don't know about that?"

I slowly shook my head, not saying a word. "When she phoned me last summer? She wanted me to take you; she said she couldn't handle you."

"That's not true." I rasped out, and that was the only thing I could get out before my lip began trembling and I clamped my hand over my mouth before I forced myself to look away. Matt wasn't showing any signs of stopping any time soon.

"_Yes_ it is. She said that she felt like a failure as a parent and that she wanted _me_ to try."

"Shut, up." I said through clenched teeth. He was opening up wounds that weren't even healed over yet. I thought my lungs were going to collapse. I wanted to punch something, and if he didn't stop I _would._

"Matt, man," Jimmy started from the doorway, taking a step closer toward the back of the sofa I was on. I didn't look up at anyone; if I did I would break down just like that. "Maybe you shouldn't—"

"No Jimmy, I fucking should! Maybe she'll smarten the fuck up from now on!" Matt yelled, and that was the first time I'd ever witnessed anyone interrupt Jimmy. And that made me mad, Jimmy was only keeping everyone's best interest in mind. I was about to stand up when Matt was abruptly towering over me. I leaned back into the couch, refusing to show how scared I was as I glared up at him.

He looked me dead in the eye. "Up until now, I didn't know what she meant when she said you _didn't care._"

By then I'd had enough, I could no longer restrain myself. "You goddamn liar! That's _not fucking true!"_ I screamed and pushed against his chest until he stumbled back, shocked. Only for a moment, though, and he was coming back toward me again, his expression livid.

Someone yanked me back by my shoulders and I recognized Jimmy's arms as they curled around my waist, hauling me over the back of the sofa until I was out of Matt's reach. _Or he was out of mine._ Brian restrained him by putting his hands on Matt's shoulders and pushing him back until he stopped, and that was all I saw before Jimmy carried me out through the hallway.

Zacky was back, and he quickly went to Brian's side to help Matt calm down, just barely giving Jimmy and me a sideways glance. I tried to get out of Jimmy's grip, but I didn't struggle too much. I knew it was useless, and I didn't want Jimmy to be even more disappointed in me.

After he'd shut and locked the bathroom door, he finally let me go, gently placing me on my feet as he stared at me softly. The rage I'd been feeling earlier had begun to wear off, and the full force of Matt's words were beginning to set in.

I sat down on the lid of the toilet, placing my head in my hands as I focused on keeping my tears at bay. "Are you okay?" Jimmy asked softly, kneeling down beside me as he put a comforting hand on the small of my back.

"Is it true?" I asked, not being able to keep my voice from wavering as I ignored his question. I continued when he didn't say anything. "What he said. It's true, isn't it?"

_It is._ He didn't have to say it out loud. Why would Matt say such a thing if it weren't the truth? I racked my brain, trying to think of anything, any signs that my mother may have been giving off last summer that led to something as drastic as sending me off with a stranger, but I couldn't really come up with anything. Sure, she'd been gotten fed up with my antics quite a few times, but never had she mentioned _anything_ along the lines of what Matt had just mentioned.

She was willing to give up on me; she had come _so close_ to it, too. "Why didn't—why..." I stopped after a few moments, I didn't know how to even word the question. Jimmy seemed to understand, though, and he gave me a small, sad smile.

"Everything was set up, last summer. Around August I suppose," He started, looking down. "We'd gotten all the proof and everything was ready, the only thing left to do was sign the papers."

When he paused for a moment, I took advantage of it. "Proof? What kind of proof?"

He cleared his throat and looked up again to lock his eyes with mine. "Well, birth certificates, paternity tests, all of that bullshit. But you have to understand where Matt was coming from," He added hurriedly, his eyes widening at thought of giving me another reason to be angry with Matt. "When some chick he hadn't seen in over a decade calls and says he's got a kid he's never met before, things have to be ugly at first."

I wasn't mad at him for calling my mother 'some chick', because it was Jimmy and I knew he meant nothing by it. Besides, I had more important things to deal with other than picking a fight with one of the closest people to me.

_Paternity test?_ I most certainly _did not_ remember anything in regards to that, at least, I _think._ I sat up straight, looking straight ahead as I focused recalling the events of last summer. Paternity tests involved blood samples. _Blood samples, blood samples._

One day in late August of last summer, my mother had come to me, expressing her newfound worry of my small stature and pale complexion. She had suggested I may have been anaemic, that she wanted me to get some blood tests done just to make sure. That should have been a red flag for me.

But like Matt said, I was busy _not caring._ How the hell was I supposed to know that my mother had been planning something and was trying to _discreetly_ ship me off? What did she think was going to happen, _how_ was she planning on telling me about him?

All of this was too much for me. I was finding out about everything that had been kept from me in such a short span of time, my brain was having a meltdown. I could not think another coherent thought as I latched onto Jimmy, who was surprised by my actions but quickly began shushing me. Picking me up, he placed me on his lap as he sat on the toilet lid, while I clutched his shirt with one hand while the other was wrapped around him, my head buried in the crook of his neck.

_She gave up on me._ That was the only consistent thought that was running through my head, everything else was jumbled and I couldn't even make sense out of myself. My tears soaked one of Jimmy's beloved Metallica t-shirts, but I hoped he wouldn't care, because I didn't know _what_ I would do if I didn't have someone there to comfort me.

"Shh, come on baby girl, Matt's not really mad at you," He whispered and began rocking me back and forth when I couldn't hold back a strangled sob. "He's still new at this, too. He was so scared when he couldn't find you, and he about shit himself when he saw the coke. He just didn't know how to react, Patey."

Finally, after another five minutes, I sucked it up and stopped crying, pulling away to wipe my tearstained cheeks. This was the first time I had _ever_ cried around Jimmy, but I was not embarrassed by it. I knew Jimmy understood I needed to let some of my emotions out.

Just as I let out a shaky breath, someone knocked on the door and Jimmy looked at me when I tensed. _Please, please don't let it be Matt._ I wouldn't be angry when I saw him—I no longer wanted to strangle him—but I knew that if I saw him so soon I would break down all over again.

"Guys? It's just me and Leana..." Johnny called through the door, giving another soft knock. I exhaled slowly, relief flooding through me as I nodded to Jimmy, who reached over and unlocked the door.

It swung open and Johnny hadn't been lying—it was just him and Leana, and they both gave me a small, but comforting smile when they saw me. I couldn't even force a smile, but I don't think they were expecting one on return.

Now that the door was open, I could still hear Matt talking loudly from the living room, but I couldn't make out what he was saying. It was as if my ears had been stuffed with cotton, although I knew from the tone in his voice that he was still angry. Leana noticed I was trying to decipher what he was saying and her smile widened, but it was still tense. "Listen, Patey, you're gonna stay with us until everyone calms down, alright?" She said, jutting her thumb between her and Jimmy as she spoke.

_Until Matt calms down,_ she meant to say. However, I did not object and I let Johnny escort me up to my room to pack a small overnight bag, because truthfully, I just wanted to sleep all of this off. I wanted to wake up when everything was _calmed down._

I just hoped Leana was right, and that everyone _would_ calm down, that everything _would_ be okay. But one can only hope, right? What could I have done to make everything better? _Confess. Tell them the truth._ There _wasn't_ anything I could have done. _There wasn't._


	30. Chapter Twenty Nine

Two days. It was Sunday evening then. _Two fucking days._ How long did it take for 'everyone to calm down'? Personally, I was 'calmed down' as soon as I woke up, refreshed, yesterday and I just wanted to go back to the house and be in the comfort of my own room.

Of course, I loved Jimmy and Leana and I couldn't say I hated staying in the guestroom of their house, but I wanted my guitar, the one my 'failure' of a mother had gotten me. Last night and the night before, I had thought a lot before I actually went to sleep. About my mother, and if she really had given up on me. And eventually, I came to the conclusion that _yes_, she more than likely had, but obviously something changed, didn't it?

She wouldn't just stop everything and cancel the deal she had been about to make with Matt if she hadn't regained some hope for me. And really, I wasn't that much of a fucked up kid. I didn't do drugs (although, obviously some other people now think I do). I never wanted to get into a fight unless I had a good reason for it. I just liked to mess around and have fun, and sometimes it got a little out of hand.

My mother was a quiet woman, somewhat of an introvert (which also made me wonder how the fuck she ended up with Matt—for however long she was with him), and I guess my semi-wild antics were too much for her. I will admit I did go a little over the top last summer and I _could have_ toned it down, but it was the summer. That's what it was for right? To have fun. And that was exactly what I did and I hated regretting it.

The past... the past. I couldn't keep focusing on that. I couldn't take anything back; I couldn't fix any of the mistakes I'd already made. I had to concentrate on what was happening _now,_ like what I was going to do about my druggie best friend. I hadn't heard from him since Friday night when he set me up, either. And what was I going to do about my estranged father? Did he even _want_ to talk to me?

I did. For the first time, I wanted, _wished_ I could talk to him. I surprisingly wasn't mad that he had lied to me about knowing about me before my mother's accident. Because I knew that if he told me about it back then when I asked him about it, it would have made everything much more worse than it had been.

Desperately, I wished I could tell him the truth, that the cocaine _wasn't_ mine, and that was the first time I had ever even laid eyes on anything like it. I was just covering for my best friend because he didn't want to hurt his parents.

To the best of my knowledge, he hadn't even _tried_ contacting me. And that hurt, a lot. Had he given up on me, too? It hurt so much when I thought about it I felt as if I were going to throw up.

For the past two days, I hadn't done much. I didn't come out of the guestroom even though I knew it worried Jimmy and Leana, and I slept through much of it. I knew it wasn't a good way to deal with things, to just sleep it off, but it was just so much easier than being alone with my thoughts.

The next day was a Monday and I didn't have my school backpack. Jimmy said he was going to phone the house and talk about it with Matt—but I knew he wasn't referring to the backpack. I was hovering just inside the door of the guestroom, waiting to hear Jimmy's voice filter its way through the hall.

I crept quietly through the hallway after opening the door and leaving it ajar slightly—it would only make more noise when it closed—and peered around the corner. Jimmy was sitting back in one of the lounge chairs with the phone cradled to his ear, looking somewhat tense as he listened to Matt (I was guessing) rant.

He paused, took a deep breath and his eyes flickered over to the corner I was hiding behind, instantly making me pull my head back so he wouldn't see me. _Too close._ Even though I was doing quite a bit of it as of late, I was getting sloppy with it.

Thankfully, he didn't see me, and if he didn't he didn't care. "I know—I know man, but Payton said she didn't try it. I believe her," My ears pricked at the mentioning of my name, and I instantly grew nervous about what they could be discussing. _Sending me off to boot camp? Juvenile hall? Off to live with some distant relative I've never met before?_ The possibilities were endless.

"She was telling the truth, man. I can tell when she's lying and when she's not." _If only he knew._ But I was grateful that someone still had a little faith in me. "I know it seems like she's keeping something from us, but she always is," I flinched at the flat tone in his voice. "But she always tells us what it is—eventually. You just have to talk to her."

By then I'd heard enough and I tiptoed back to the room I was staying in, holding back the tears once again and buried my head into a pillow on the bed. I wrapped the blankets around myself tightly. I had slept through the past two days, and I planned to do the exact same thing then.

My phone vibrating in my back pocket woke me up, but that was not why I jumped clear off the bed, landing in a heap on the floor, the blankets and pillows crashing down with me. I'd had a dream, for the first time in weeks, and it was far from a good one. It was a vision really, just a still picture. Tyler on his knees leaning over a beaten up coffee table, his eyes closed in ecstasy as he snorted the neat lines of the white substance.

That was what I was _letting_ him do. I was letting him kill himself while I just sat back and watched.

My hand subconsciously went to the back of my jeans and hauled out my phone, bringing it close so I could squint at the caller ID through the darkness. The number I saw made me blink pretentiously for a moment and rub my eyes, just in case I was hallucinating. _He was phoning me._

In fear of him hanging up, I quickly answered, squishing the phone tightly to my ear, wishing to hear his calm, sober voice and know that he was okay. "Hello?" I answered softly, aware that it was past one AM and that Leana and Jimmy were more than likely asleep. I tried my best to keep the shock out of my voice, but I knew I was failing miserably. I didn't care, he was okay enough to phone me, right?

"Patey?!" He screamed into the phone over some loud, obnoxious music. "Man, I am so fucked up," He said, _giggling_ as if he thought all of this was just a fucking joke. "You have to get down here, _please!_ Plus, I don't have money for a cab, plus you'd love it here, it's so fucking awesome!"

_Oh, yes._ I could already tell it was just my kind of scene. _Right._ "Where are you?" I demanded harshly, still trying to keep my voice low. "Tyler fucking Sterling! Tell me where you are _right now!"_

After another five minutes of drug-induced rambling, he finally gave the address, and I didn't have a pen or paper so I _prayed_ that I would remember it correctly when it came time to actually getting where I was going. After I told him not to move from where he was and wait for me there, I hung up and hauled a hoodie on, stuffing my phone in the front pocket.

I couldn't just leave him there, wherever 'there' was. He'd called and asked for my help. Yes, I'd lost my trust in him. He was still my friend, right? And friends looked out for each other, even if one of them could never forgive the other. And deep down, I knew I still considered him my brother. So I had to go get him.

Tonight, I didn't have to jump out of any windows. Everyone was asleep, the house was dead silent, so I could walk freely (but quietly) out the front door. All the guys and their girls lived within a few blocks of each other, so I was always on the lookout for any familiar looking SUV's as I jogged through the streets until I stopped under the exact same street light I had the last time I snuck out.

The taxi was there about five minutes after I had called it, and the driver looked at me oddly when I repeated the address Tyler gave me, but I thought nothing of it. There were drugs involved—I knew it was going to be a shoddy place.

It was sort of industrial looking, I'd definitely never been in this part of Huntington before, and there were a few warehouses and clubs scattered throughout the vicinity. When we got to the address, I quickly realized that Tyler was in a _club._ That was why the cab driving was looking at me as if I were insane. How in sweet fuck did Tyler think I was going to get in there? I looked like a fucking twelve year old.

Knowing that I'd be there for a while, I let the taxi go and crossed the street so I was opposite to the club entrance, taking my phone out and quickly punching in the all-too familiar numbers.

"Where are you?" He picked up after the fifth ring, still laughing so I was guessing he was still 'so fucked up'.

"No, Tyler. Where are _you?_ I'm outside the club but I can't fucking get in!" I hissed into the phone. I didn't even want to try to get in there, besides I wanted him out of there as quickly as possible. There was some movement down the street at the opening of an alleyway, but I ignored it for the most part.

"Alright, okay! Relax P, I'll come out and get you okay?" I didn't reply, I just huffed and hung up, leaning against the side of a grimy brick building as I kept my eyes on the entrance.

Did he expect me to do this all the time until he left? What did he do when I wasn't there for him? I shuddered at the thought. He couldn't continue like this, he was going to end up dead and I _couldn't_ have his blood on my hands. I'd been through enough. I had to take this tiny moment I had with him and use it wisely.

With a small sigh of relief, I watched as his figure exited the club, and called out to him warily. I hoped he wouldn't change like he had all the other times I tried to talk some sense into him. His hand snapped up at the sound of my voice and he grinned at me from across the street before running over to me—not caring about the nonexistent traffic. I clutched my hoodie to myself tighter and stepped back when he tried to hug me, and he frowned.

"Where are you going?" He called as I began walking down the street and away from him.

"Walk with me." I said quietly, not looking back at him. I heard his stumbling footsteps as he ran to catch up to me, and only then did I glance up at him and I winced at the sight. How much worse can someone get in the span of two days? A lot, apparently. He looked like a living dead person.

A few minutes of silence and he seemed to be getting restless already. The old Tyler could walk with me in silence for hours. "Why?" I finally asked, looking up at him, letting him see every single emotion I had endured over the past few days.

He stopped dead in his tracks at that and moved his head to the side to glare at me. I stopped a few feet ahead of him, glad I'd made some distance between us. Because I knew that this wasn't the Tyler I knew, and I didn't know what this Tyler was capable of. "Why what?" He asked darkly, his expression changing from blissful to glowering in a split second. It was like a slap in the face.

Nonetheless, I didn't let his sudden chance in mood deter me. I had to get this out. I had to be done with this then. Plus, I too was getting a little angry. Why did he have to be so uncooperative with me? I angrily flailed my arms out around me and twisted my head from right to left before I looked back at him. "_This!_ All of it. Why are you doing it? Why did you make me take the blame when you _knew_ I would anyway! That made everything so much fucking worse!"

Pausing, he looked down again and refused to meet my eyes. _Insufferable._ "I—I didn't know that." He said, his voice eerily quiet.

"Yeah," I started bitterly, glaring daggers into his downcast head. "We don't know anything about each other anymore, do we?"

"What do you want from me?" He snapped after another few minutes of absolute silence had passed.

"I want you to talk to me," I said, my voice taking on a pleading tone as I took a painful step forward. "Please Tyler. Tell me what's going on with you." When he scoffed and looked away, I realized how much pain Matt must have been in when he was trying to get me to open up and I felt a twinge of guilt. I'd been so hard on him.

Huffing, I turned around and braced my hands behind my head in frustration just as Matt had the other night, something I more than likely inherited from him. This was it. This was what it all came down to, I decided then. The ultimatum. I wanted to have a decent father-daughter relationship with Matt, hell maybe someday I'd maybe even want to call him _dad._ But if Tyler was going to continue to make me keep things from Matt, _important,_ life threatening things, then that meant I'd never be able to get close to Matt again.

We couldn't be friends anymore if he continued on like this. Where was my Tyler? The understanding, all giving Tyler? The one who would do anything for a perfect stranger. I needed him back.

"Alright, Tyler," I finally sighed, turning around to face him again. "This is it. You got two choices here, you either quit with the fucking drugs and drinking, or you don't and I'll never see you again. That's what it comes down to. Now make your fucking choice."

My heart squeezed in anticipation for his answer, and was deflated when he gave me his answer. He shook his head, turned around, and headed back toward the club.

_That's okay, that's okay._ I kept telling myself as I tearfully watched his retreating figure. He made his choice, this was what he wanted and there was nothing I could do about it.

I was going to take Matt up on his 'you can talk to me any time, even if it's four in the morning' offer. I was going to tell him _everything,_ and beg for him not to give up on me.

That was _my_ choice. I'd made it. And I just hoped everything was going to work out and go back to how it was before. Even if things were at least _semi-_normal, I could live with it.

I chose my family. I just wanted them back.


	31. Chapter Thirty

This was it. I actually felt sort of _happy_ that things were going to go back to normal. I couldn't wait to be on good terms with everyone again. I stopped myself then, reminding myself that there was still a possibility that things _weren't_ going to go back to the way they were before everything happened. What if I was too late? What if Matt didn't believe me? What if he'd already given up on me, too?

A small, quick, barely there patter of heavy shoes on the sidewalk from behind startled me out of my daze, and I slowed in my walking to try and hear a little better. Nothing. But I was still paranoid. I'd just called a taxi a few minutes ago (I was pretty sure Matt wouldn't appreciate having to pick me up) and I said I'd be back at the club because that was the only address I knew around there, but there was just one, tiny problem.

_I had no fucking clue where I was._ In the span of three minutes, I'd gotten myself royally lost. Tyler and I must have walked farther than I had thought, and I cussed at myself for not following him back, but continued walking at a slightly faster pace.

More sounds, footsteps and almost like a polyester jacket was being rustled. There was _definitely_ someone behind me, I knew that then and quickened my pace, breaking into a jog as I down the sidewalk, praying I wouldn't trip on one of the cracks in the cement. I wasn't stupid. I knew I was practically just shy of four foot nothing and my muscles—what muscles?—were almost nonexistent. I was a decent fighter, but I knew I could only hold a person off for so long. And out in a dark, deserted street, there wasn't much chance of getting notice if something went wrong. I needed to get back to where a few people (even if they _were_ druggies, I was sure they would at least try and help out, right?) and some lights were.

The footsteps got louder and quicker then, and I broke out into a full run. Someone was chasing me, and I _had_ to get away from them. I didn't care how lost I was and the cab could wait. I just had to get away from the goon was chasing me.

Abruptly, hands curled around my waist and I was roughly pulled back into someone's chest, and I immediately began struggling. They weren't speaking and they were too tall, I couldn't get a good look at their face. "Yo, let me the fuck go!" I yelled, kicking punching, and elbowing anything I could get into my reach. The person squeezed harder around my waist, making all the air in my lungs rush out in one quick gasp.

My attempts to get away were useless, and I had barely even registered that someone even had their hands on me, that they more than likely wanted to hurt me when they pulled me into a tiny, narrow alleyway. It was barely wide enough for me and my captor to squeeze into. As soon as they let me go, I whipped around and began swinging at them, knowing I had to get them on the ground first.

They easily block my attempts and grab my wrists in both hands, sufficiently stopping me. I took the chance and looked up to see who it was, and my stomach instantly twisted into knots at the sight of who it was.

"What do you want, Andy?" I asked, trying not to sound scared shitless, because that was exactly how I was feeling. Wrenching my hands out of his grip, I backed up until my back hit the wall of the building on the other side of the alleyway. That was only a few feet, though, and I wasn't going to let him intimidate me so I glared straight up at him.

He smirked at me, that same, deranged glint in his eye like he had the other time we'd gotten into a fight.

_Why tonight? Why now?_ Was I _ever_ going to catch a break? Was I even going to make it out of here alive?

Taking a step forward, his smirk twisted into a snarl and I knew things weren't going to go well, but I still didn't back down. I _wasn't_ going to show him how intimidated and outright frightened I was, because that was obviously what he _wanted._ "What do you want?" I repeated, refusing to let any fear seep its way into my voice. "I thought we were done. Why can't you just forget about it?"

All of the possibilities of what could happen to me in a dark, secluded alleyway flash through my mind then. Especially with someone as sadistic as Andy and I didn't know what he was capable of, either, but I had a feeling he could do a lot more to me than break a few ribs. And if I couldn't help it, I knew he would.

"Did you really think that little 'fight' at school was going to be enough? I promised you were going to get payback, Payton. And that wasn't enough." He said, using air quotes when he said 'fight'. He took another step closer, he was practically breathing down my neck. My gut told me to run, to fight back _now,_ but I held my ground. I waited for the moment.

"You fucked up my nose; you fucked up my girlfriends jaw! And you she won't even trust me. She's jealous of you. _You._ Of all the fucking sluts in school!" He said, taking on a maniacal laugh. That last comment made my fists clench, and I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying anything. I didn't want to provoke him. "She thinks I'm cheating on her with _you._ She won't fucking trust me, and you're going to pay for that."

Just like that, his hand came up and slapped me across the face, instantly making my cheek feel like it had spontaneously-combusted, and just like the first time we got into a fight, he knocked my legs out from under me and I landed on the cold, hard cement ground with a dull 'thud'.

I felt stupid for not expecting that. I should have known he only knew _one_ way to fight. I should have been expecting that he wouldn't give up as easily as he thought he had, because nothing is _ever_ easy for me. Nothing could _ever_ work out as perfectly as I had planned. Something always had to get in my way.

He was too strong for me, and the fear had settled into my bones by then and I fumbled as I tried to get up. I was scared, I wanted to go home. I had to find away to get out of there. I couldn't take this guy on by myself without backup, and that was now nonexistent.

Grabbing the hood of my jacket, he pulled me up, causing tension in the front of my hoodie and my airway to constrict. I gasped and clawed at it, trying to get it to loosen some so I could breathe, but as soon as I had even moved his foot connected with the middle of my back and I went headfirst into the brick walls, my hands instinctively going out in front of me.

Once again, I landed on the ground in a heap, both of my hands then marred with deep scratches and cuts, bloodied to the point where all I seemed to see was red. I let out a small sob, my hands were burning and stinging to the point where I thought I was going to throw up and my back was tense from the pressure Andy's foot had put on it.

As quickly as before, he was coming at me again, lightning fast but I rolled out of the way just before his foot was about to kick me in the side. I was _not_ getting more broken ribs from this douche bag. I could deal with everything else, but not broken bones again.

Seemingly stunned that I'd been able to move, he stepped back and stared at me for a moment. I used this to my advantage and stumbled to my feet before he could even blink. That pissed him off; I knew it would. He was mad he hadn't injured me as much as he thought he had, but I was ready for him. As soon as he was within my reach, I kneed him where it hurts, feeling pathetic for having to resort to that _again._ But I couldn't fight him off with my hands, and hey, _if it was there,_ I was sure as hell willing to injure it.

Letting out a groan, he bent over and held his groin, and again I took advantage of his position and brought my knee straight up into his face. I heard another crunch and knew I had broken _something._ He let out another loud groan that sounded like a strangled cry and toppled over to his side, holding his nose while he pulled his legs up to his chest in the fetal position.

_God,_ I thought as I stared down at him, _I broke his nose again._ How pathetic was he? The last time we had gotten into a fight, I had three fractured ribs and even then I still managed to get back up. Yet he was there, just like last time, cradling his nose as if it were about to run away from him.

While he was down and stunned, I did the other one thing I had once promised myself I would never do, I _ran._ I ran as fast and as far as my legs could get me, not stopping once. I had to get away from Andy. If he caught up with me again, I couldn't defend myself as much as I had managed to just then. The pain in my cheek and back was really beginning to set in, and my hands still felt like they were on fire. I had to get away while I could.

After I had run so far it felt as if my lungs were about to burst, I fumbled with the gate to a park, it wasn't locked, but my bloodied hands were slipping all over the open lock. I winced as I wiped my hands off in a patch of grass, but I knew I had to get out of sight, that Andy could be looking for me at that very second.

Once I finally got it open, I slipped in through the crack I'd made and shut it before stumbling off into the park, wishing I could run faster. The park was small, but there were a lot of trees and bushes around so there was enough cover. I would be safe in here, at least for a while.

I collapsed onto a bench and pulled my knees up to my chest, but I wouldn't let myself rest yet. My fingers shook as I dialled Matt's number, consequentially getting blood on the screen of my beloved iPhone. The leaves in the trees rustled, making me paranoid again, and I had to fight back a whimper.

_Please, please pick up, Matt._ Three rings, five rings, and finally, just before it was going to go to voicemail, I heard his groggy voice on the other end. "Hello?"

"Matt, it's Payton," I started quietly, trying not to sound as terrified as I really was. "Could you come pick me up, please? I'm lost. I don't know where I am."

"Why should I?" He snapped, and my heart dropped into the bottom of my stomach as fear completely took over my mind. I was alone, Matt wasn't going to come get me. Andy was going to find me and beat me to a bloody pulp and/or kill me.

"Please Matt," I said, not being able to hold back a sob. "I'm really, _really_ scared." I clutched my knees to my chest even tighter, the park seemed to be getting even darker and scarier by the second.

On the other end, I heard him fumbling with the bed sheets as he sat up in bed, now alert. "Patey? Payton, what's wrong, what happened?" His tone had quickly grown worried, and I was guessing that was because he had heard me crying.

"I went to a club to talk to Tyler and I left him and I got lost and Andy... he came out of nowhere, dad. It wasn't mine!" I babbled, not being able to keep my voice down. I hadn't even realized that I'd called him 'dad'. "I'm sorry and I'm really fucking scared. Just please, _please_ come get me!"

"Alright, alright. I'm coming sweetie. Just calm down. Tell me where you are." He sounded worried out of his mind then, and I could tell he was forcing himself to stay calm.

_Shit, what was the name of the park?_ "I'm in a park... I didn't—I don't know!" I sobbed, holding the phone tighter to my ear as my body convulsed with a sob.

"Payton, _Payton!"_ I quieted when he raised his voice. "Calm down. Everything's going to be okay, you just have to figure out where you are and I'll be there. You're in a park. Okay. There's a sign with the name on it, probably around the entrance. Look for it, sweetie. It's there."

With wobbly legs, I slowly stood from the bench and made my way back the way I had come, my eyes darting around for signs and dark figures standing in the shadows at the same time. Matt continued comforting me, reassuring me that everything was going to be okay as I searched for it. I breathed a sigh of relief when I found it, and Matt was right, it was on the grass to the right of the gates. _How had I not noticed that?_

"Wheeler Park." I breathed into the phone, still looking around for anything that wasn't normal.

"Wheeler Park? Shit," He began mumbling about how far away that was and my breath caught in my throat as I wrapped my free arm around my middle protectively. He heard my panicked breathing and cussed at himself. "I'll be there in a few minutes Patey, just don't move. Stay where you are okay?"

"Please hurry," I said, and another sob racked my body. I didn't even care if I seemed pathetic. I'd never been so scared in my entire life.

"I will, just a few minutes. Be careful and I love you." I heard keys jangling in the background and the front door opening and closing and felt a little better. He was already on his way.

"I love you too." I said, trembling as I walked back to the bench I had vacated, hating that I had to hang up. I didn't want him talking to me on the phone while he was driving, though.

I would be fine, he said I would. Just a few more minutes.


	32. Chapter Thirty One

I was shaking. Partly from the fear, partly from the pain. My cheek had numbed into a dull ache, but my hands felt worse than ever. I could no longer hold them to my knees, I had put them out in front of me as the cool night air seemed to have a soothing affect on them.

More leaves rustling, I took a shuddering breath and clenched my teeth, trying to pull myself together. _Nothing_ seemed to work. All I could do was mumble "Please hurry" over and over again. It had been fifteen minutes; _he was going to be here._ He said he would,_ he said everything was going to be okay._

Footsteps, _heavy ones_, echoed on the park walkway in the direction opposite to the park gates. It couldn't have been Matt, I didn't hear the SUV coming, and trust me, at that moment of absolute panic, _I heard every single little thing._

Matt was going to be too late, Andy had found me. He was going to drag me off to his basement, murder me in the most torturous way, and use my skin for a coat. I was too scared to look up, but the footsteps were just a few feet away from me then, and I only buried my head further into my knees. _I give up._

I jumped up and yelped when a hand was placed on my shoulder, but they pushed me back down. I squinted through the darkness and my tears, and was shocked when I saw who it was. "Tyler?" I squeaked, staring up at the disgusted look on his face. Other than that, it was obvious he was drugged out of his mind.

Honestly, I never thought I'd talk to him again, I had thought that our friendship was done. Yet there he was, although looking a little unhappy (that was putting it lightly), he was there. I know it shouldn't have, but it gave me hope. _Had he changed his mind?_

At that moment, I was slightly delirious and I reached my arms out for him. _I wanted to hug him._

His hand pushed me back down on the bench, and I winced. Still he hadn't said a word yet, and I was growing worried. I was getting scared again. Hell, I didn't even feel safe around him at that second.

"You're so fucking stupid," He snapped, his voice loud and echoing through the silent park. "I can't leave you alone for five fucking minutes!" I flinched until my shoulders hit the back of the bench at the harsh tone in his voice. Of all the times when he yelled and screamed at me over the past few days, he'd never used that tone before. It sounded as if he thought he was talking to _dirt._ The cold, hard look in his eyes said the exact same thing.

Letting out an aching sob, I tried to shrug out of his grip, but he only held tighter as he continued to glare down at me. Everything seemed to be coming at me so fast; blow after blow. I felt like I was going to suffocate under his gaze. "You're hurting me," I whispered, not being able to meet his eyes. I hated be so vulnerable.

"You're pathetic, fucking pathetic Payton!" He yelled, shaking me slightly which only made me cry even harder.

_How wrong could I have been?_ Too trusting, that was what I was. I'd put all of my trust in him and there wasn't enough left for anyone else. That was one of the biggest mistakes I'd ever made. He continued yelling at me, but I found it impossible to listen to him, my crying seemed to be the only thing my ears could focus on.

Suddenly, his hand left my shoulder and he stumbled back several feet. "You keep your fucking hands off of my daughter!" When he regained his balance, he looked at Matt in complete shock.

All I wanted to do then was hug Matt. He got there, maybe a little late, but he was there. I would be safe then. Tyler began stammering, glancing heatedly between Matt and me before he plastered on a fake, 'caring' smile. "Matt, man, I was just—"

"Save it," Matt cut him off and stood protectively in front of me and I could no longer see Tyler. The only thing I could do was sit there and watch. "You're done. I don't even want you talking over the phone with Payton anymore, got that? Fucking done. You're on the next flight out of here, so I suggest you go back to the house and pack."

At hearing that, Tyler's expression changed, drastically. He went from cheerful to sullen in a split second, the glare he had once focused on me was now on Matt. "Whatever, man. I'll find my own way home," He snapped, not even glancing at me as he turned on his heel and began walking in the other direction.

Matt's shoulders were tense and he was breathing slowly for a few moments, I could tell he was restraining himself from going after Tyler and knocking him around a little. With a sigh, he turned around to look at me and he instantly changed from furious to concerned.

Tears freely trickled down my face, I didn't even try to conceal them; I was hysteric. Matt knelt down beside me and took my chin in his hand, wincing as he turned my face from side to side. "Did Tyler do this to you?" He asked, anger reigniting in his eyes.

Quickly, I shook my head side to side. It was obvious he hadn't been able to make any sense out of our phone conversation, and I dreaded having to talk about my encounter with Andy, but I would. I _wasn't_ going to keep anything from him. "It was—it was Andy." I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

"What?" He asked, narrowing his eyes. "When, _how?_ What were you even doing out here in the first place, Patey?"

"Please," I began, hiccupping and sobbing at the same time. It was as if no matter how much I tried, I just _couldn't_ stop crying. "Can we—can we talk about this when we get home?"

Because I was half out of it, truthfully. I knew that if I tried to explain everything then, none of it would make any sense. He nodded slowly, his gaze going back to worried once again. "Are you okay though? Does anything else hurt? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"No, no," I said, feeling sick just at the thought of having to go to the hospital. "I just wanna go home." Involuntarily, I leaned forward and reached out for him. Taking it as a sign, he gently lifted me into his arms and stood.

It was silent as he opened the park gates with me still in his arms, and thankfully his SUV was directly outside of them. "Okay, okay," He said as he gently laid me in the back seat, giving me a small, worried strained smile. "Home it is then."

In the backseat with the radio playing softly in the background, I calmed myself down considerably found it easy to doze off, curled into my bloodstained hoodie. I slept the whole way home, in fact and only woke up when Val was opening the front door for Matt in a bathrobe.

I jolted in his arms then, much too alert and more hysteric than ever. He held on to me tightly and Val looked at me, worry shrouding her features. "What happened?" She asked after she let a quiet gasp escape her lips.

"It wasn't mine!" I gasped, looking up at Matt with a frantic look in my eyes. "It wasn't mine, Matt!"

Looking down at me, he studied me for a moment, probably thinking I had gone completely insane. "Could you get the first aid kit?" He asked, quickly carrying me into the living room. Val gave me one last worried glance before heading off in the direction of the bathroom for the first aid kit.

He set me on the sofa facing that was back to the window, kneeling down in front of me like he had done in the park as he gingerly wiped my tears, being careful of the bruise I knew had formed on my cheek. "Patey, you need to calm down. Everything's okay, you're home now and you're safe. Everything's okay," He repeated, trying to calm me down.

All I could think about was the thing that started this entire mess in the first place, and I shook my head as I looked away. But still, that simple phrase was the only thing I seemed to be able to get out. "It wasn't mine, it wasn't mine."

First, he took my hands in his but then pulled away when he remembered how battered they were and put his hands on my knees instead. "I get that, Patey. But you're not making any sense. What _exactly_ wasn't yours?"

_Okay, okay._ He was right, everything was going to be okay. _I was safe._ I was just making an idiot out of myself then; I _had to clam myself._ Taking a deep breath, I held it as I closed my eyes, trying to clear my thoughts. "The baggy—the drugs, the coke, Matt. It wasn't mine."

I heard a dull clunk as Val placed the first aid kit on the coffee table and Matt's hands soon left my knees. At first, I thought he was trying to digest what I was trying to tell him, or you know, maybe he was disgusted with me because he thought he was lying. "Well who's was it?" He asked after a few minutes, and I would have let out a sigh of relief had my hands not felt like they had caught fire all over again.

The harsh smell of rubbing alcohol met my nose then, and I quickly realized that Matt had pulled away because he had gone to dig around the first aid kit, not because he was about to shun me. I winced as it stung more in a particular spot when he swabbed the rubbing alcohol over it.

_Trust,_ I reminded myself. Even though most of what little I had left with Tyler, I was going to place some in Matt. I said that to myself over and over again in my head, _I can trust Matt._

Tyler was killing himself. I couldn't just stand by, know about what he was doing to himself and say nothing. I had to tell someone, and I _had_ told myself earlier tonight that I would tell Matt. No more secrets, no more lies. After all, I could trust Matt. "I was—I was holding it for a friend," I said slowly, hoping he wasn't too slow and would catch on.

_Duh._ I only had two friends (well, one now, obviously), and it was clear that Dannii wasn't on any drugs. Understanding crossed his features at the same time with confusion. "It was Tyler's, okay. How long have you know about him doing that stuff?" He asked, trying to be light about it as he set the bottle of rubbing alcohol on the coffee table and began bandaging up my hands.

Val came back in then, smiling comfortingly as she handed me an icepack for my cheek. I cracked a grateful smile back at her and held it gingerly in the hand Matt was finished with. Nodding wordlessly, she gave me another smile before leaving, giving Matt and me a little more privacy.

"Since Friday night," I whispered, looking down when tears sprung to my eyes again as I recalled that nights events. "He begged me not to tell anyone, and then he set me up after Brian came and got me at the party." I wanted to say so much more than that, but I was losing my voice then, and all I seemed to be able to do was cry.

For a while, all he did was stare down at my hand as he carefully wrapped the bandage around it, and when he finally looked up at me he looked like he was about to cry, too. "Does anything else hurt?" He asked quietly, to which I shook my head again. _At least this time I was telling the truth._ "I'm never, _ever_ going to let anything like this happen to you again, got that kiddo? And we're gonna find that little punk who did this to you, okay?"

His words gave me more comfort than I could have ever imagined, but the sight of him, he looked like he was about to break down. And all of it was a result of all of my lying, my keeping things from him. I just _couldn't_ handle that, and a new wave of fresh tears began flooding my vision.

I was about to speak, but he hushed me and brought me into a warm hug, lifting me up after a few moments. "You were through a lot tonight and you need some rest. We can talk in the morning," He said softly as he climbed the stairs. I nodded silently and rested my head—not on the bruised side, thankfully—against the shoulder.

That night had taken a huge toll on me, and no doubt as soon as my head touched the pillow I would be out cold. Right then, as Matt tucked me in and kissed my forehead, I was content with what we talked about. I'd gotten everything I'd needed to say out, and like he said, the rest could wait until morning.

I was as content as I possibly could be. Yes, I then had a 'former' best friend who more than likely thought I had betrayed him, and then there was the maniac that was after me, still on the loose. But I was going to be okay. I'd sorted everything out and Matt had forgiven me.

_I had my family._ And nothing was going to take that away from me.


	33. Epilogue

Almost everything was okay. Well, everything in California was going as well as it possibly could be. I had my family, I had my friends. What more could I ask for? My heart sometimes ached for that tiny town on the east coast of Canada, and I wondered what kind of havoc my 'ex' best friend could have been wreaking in it.

But that was thousands of miles away, we were done. There wasn't much I could do about it; it was _his_ choice after all.

Johnny's sulking whine brought me out of my trance, and I briefly glanced at him as Jimmy held him in a head lock, with Brian and Zacky placing bets on who would win. Letting a small chuckle escape my lips, I focused back on the task at hand. Matt rested his hand on my shoulder, smiling down at me as we both admired our handiwork.

My mother stared up at me, smiling, her blue eyes bright and her hair was just as blonde as ever. This was exactly how I wanted to remember her. This was my favourite photograph of her, the one whose frame I'd broken in a fit of rage all of those months ago when I had first arrived in California.

That seemed like _ages_ ago, looking back on it. The reason I had been angry seemed so silly, that had once again a time when I was being selfish. That was back when Tyler was still my friend, and he still cared about me. When he was looking out for my wellbeing, not trying to harm me, both physically and emotionally.

Val joined me on my other side, grinning as she glanced from Matt and I to the picture frame. She had been ecstatic since we made up.

_Miles away,_ I always reminded myself whenever my thoughts wandered back to the old days. He was miles upon miles away. _There was nothing I could do about it then._ What I could have had already been done, I told the truth. I'd gotten it out, and I just hoped that Tyler was going to get the help he needed. That he was going to get better, and that one day, maybe, _just maybe,_ he would get better and he would go back to the way he was before I left for California.

Hope, what else was there to hold on to? I couldn't just make myself forget about him, he'd been my best friend, my brother since childhood. I _had_ to hold onto the off-chance that maybe someday he would smarten up and realize the mistakes he had made.

I would never, _ever,_ forgive him though. He had kicked me when I was down. When I needed help he turned his back, made everything worse. _He made his choice._

For now, I have my family to hold on to. They would help me get through, they were supportive and they never once judged me once since I so unceremoniously stumbled into their lives. They welcomed me with open arms, as if I'd been there from the start. They had been as patient as they possibly could have been with me, and they would forever have my gratitude for that.

Besides my mother's picture in a brand new frame that everyone (I mean everyone, all the guys and girls contributed to it in some way) had worked on, two other pictures were included in it, too. One of them was a _family_ portrait that we had just recently gotten done, Matt and Val had been standing beside me while they both had a hand on each of my shoulders. The other was a candid shot of all the guys and girls, including me. Everyone was smiling and laughing, as happy and content as they could be, just like my mother had been in her picture.

Green (my mother's favourite color) pinstripe borders were neatly placed around each of the photographs, and the solid oak frame accented it well. My new family and my old family were then together as one. She would always be with me, in my heart and in my soul, guiding me in the right direction.

Many challenging things were still to come, some I could already foresee, but it was going to be okay. That wasn't to say that there weren't going to be rough patches—oh, there were—but I would get through it all in one piece.

With my family.

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And there you have it. Finished. I'd really, _really_ appreciate some reviews on this story! Thanks in advance!


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